Wife told me she’s a lesbian and wants me to dress as a woman every time we have sex

Dear Deidre

I WENT to a fancy dress party as Cher and had amazing sex with my wife when I kept the gear on in the bedroom.

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But now she’s told me she’s a lesbian and wants me to dress as a woman whenever we have sex.

We’ve been together for 12 years and have two fabulous sons.

Our marriage has always been happy and I thought our sex life was fine — three times a week was the norm. I’m 32 and she’s 34.

Then we were invited to this party and my wife suggested we dress up as two gay icons.

I went as Cher and she went as Madonna. She bought me a wig and did a great job of my make-up.

After the party she led me upstairs. I started to take off my clothes but she said: “Leave them on!”

Seeing me dressed as a girl turned her on like you wouldn’t believe.

The sex that night was off the scale. She talked dirty to me and she gave me the time of my life.

The next night she wanted to do it again so it went on for a couple of weeks, with me dressed up as a woman.

She ordered special stockings and lingerie for us to share and the sex was fantastic.

Seeing me dressed as a girl turned her on like you wouldn’t believe

Then last weekend she dropped the bombshell that she’s been a lesbian all her life and can’t live a lie any longer.

She says she loves me and I’m a wonderful dad but she’s secretly always fantasised that I’m her girlfriend.

She says she’s always desired women sexually but she’s never been in love with a woman or been in a relationship with one.

She wants to stay married to me but from now on she wants us to have sex with me dressed as a girl.

Can our marriage survive?

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s a big ask and whether or not your marriage survives depends on how you really feel about this.

You’ve written to me so I’m guessing you’ve got a few doubts.

Your wife says she’s a lesbian but I’m wondering if this is really the case.

She may be bisexual or this may be a fetish – and that’s fine if it works for you both.

However it’s labelled, the crucial point is that you have to feel loved and desired for the person you are.

This isn’t all about her and her needs.

You’re a loving husband and family man but you must think of your ­feelings too.

You have to be honest both with your wife and yourself and to know where your boundaries lie.

Don’t let your sons see you dressed as a woman and don’t feel that you must always give in to your wife.

My e-leaflet Bisexual Issues explains more and you can both find help by seeing a sex therapist through Relate (, 0300 100 1234).

Lending pal cash has left me broke

Dear Deidre

A SO-CALLED “friend” has ruined my life by doing the dirty on me.

He’s 26, has two  kids, and  asked me for a short-term loan of £8,000.

He started making monthly instalments  then lost  his job and they stopped.

He told me he had money coming from a business he’d sold and payments began to appear in my bank account.

But the money had come from a loan he’d taken out in my name. I’ve tried to explain to the loan company but they weren’t helpful.

Action Fraud are investigating the identity theft but that doesn’t help with the money I’ve lost or the money I’m told I now owe.

Citizens Advice said I should go to the small claims court but I can’t even afford enough food. I’m 24.

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry  your friend let you down.

Take steps to freeze any money advanced to you by the loan company and ask for a copy of the credit agreement and  paperwork.

If you’re struggling to pay for basics such as food, you could ask your employer for a wage advance and visit to check your eligibility for benefits and charity grants.

Brothers need to clean up their act

Dear Deidre

MY two older brothers have let themselves go. I can tell by the smell – and it’s rank.

They lived with my mother until she died six years ago and they now share a house. They’re 65 and 67.

I’m 61 and I love them both dearly but I dread visiting. I have to take a deep breath on the doorstep before I go in.

In the kitchen the tiles on the floor and the cupboards are coated with grease and the tea towels are stiff and brown. I daren’t even look in the bathroom.

My eldest brother smells like he’s not had a bath or changed his clothes for a year.

How can I tell them they need to be more hygienic and to wash themselves and their clothes?

DEIDRE SAYS: There’s only one way. You just have to, kindly, tell them the truth.

I guess they were used to your mum taking care of them. Help them to plan the big clean-up, taking one room at a time, or arrange for a contract cleaning service to put things right.

As soon as the bathroom is clean, the next step is a bath! Give them a list of the jobs they must do each day.

If they’re grieving for their mum, my e-leaflet Coping With Bereavement can help.

I’d forgive cheating partner but just want the truth

Dear Deidre

I’M worried my partner is cheating on me but she says I’m being paranoid.

I’m 28 and she’s 29. We’ve been together for six years and have two children aged five and three.

I work away in the week and it’s just little things like her now changing the towels and putting clean sheets on the bed before I get home every Friday. She never used to.

I found a brandy glass in the lounge and our bottle of brandy had gone down a lot.

She never drinks it but said her friend had come round.

Do I trust my instincts or let it go? I’ve cheated in the past and she forgave me. I’d forgive her but just want the truth.

DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like she’s lonely and feeling unloved. Can you find a job nearer home?

Show her you love her and give her your time.

Take the kids off her hands one weekend afternoon so she can have a breather. That could be all it takes.

Husband is threatening to kill me if she leaves him

Dear Deidre

I’VE been having an affair with a married woman and her husband has found out. I’m now scared for her and me.

I’m 32 and she’s 28. She is very unhappily married.

We started seeing each other six months ago and  are so much in love.

We just want to be together but her husband is threatening to kill me if she leaves him.

She’s staying with him to protect me but we are secretly still in touch. She tells me he hits her and rapes her. I’ve told her to leave but she says she is staying with him as it’s the only way that I can be safe.

DEIDRE SAYS: Keep all the messages your lover has sent you as evidence.

Tell the police that he’s threatened to kill you and that he’s raping his wife.

She’s in great danger so don’t waste any time.

She can (secretly) find advice and support through the National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247) or .

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