‘My husband died while I was pregnant’: One mum’s bittersweet account of love and loss
Jessica Haslem lost her husband six months before she gave birth to a baby boy
Jessica Haslem, 27, is a full-time mum and lives in Preston, Lancashire, with her sons Toby, six, George, three, and Barnaby, one. She says:
"Cradling my newborn baby felt so bittersweet.
My husband Jason should have been by my side, but a tragic accident meant that this baby – our third son Barnaby – would never know his daddy.
Jason and I first met through a mutual friend in 2009 when we were teenagers, and I fell in love with his cheeky sense of humour and kindness.
Our eldest son Toby was born in 2010 and four months after George’s arrival in November 2012, we got married.
Jason and I were overjoyed when we discovered I was pregnant again a year and a half later, as we’d always wanted a big family.
When we went for my 12-week scan on August 26, 2014, I remember Jason, 24, squeezing my hand as our baby appeared on the screen.
I feel so grateful we had that moment – it was the only time Jason saw his son.
Two days later, he phoned to say he’d be a bit late home from his job as a commercial catering engineer at a school.
By 7pm, I began to worry.
I knew something was wrong, as he always called to say goodnight to the boys if he wasn’t going to be back for their bedtime.
My fears were confirmed by the police at 9pm.
Jason had been electrocuted by a cooker he was fixing and died almost instantly.
I was in such shock, I couldn’t even cry.
Only the next day, when I viewed Jason’s body at the mortuary, did it feel horrifyingly real.
It was impossible to hold back my tears as I told Toby and George that Daddy’s body had stopped working and he was a star in the sky.
But they were too young to take it in.
Nineteen days after Jason died, 350 people turned up to his funeral.
We made it a celebration of his life and everyone wore bright colours.
My dad Joe, 60, and sister Becca, 29, stayed with me to start with.
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I was on autopilot, looking after the boys and seeing the midwife. But at night, I sobbed in despair.
The thought of being a single mum of three was overwhelming.
I had grief counselling, which helped, but even so, I went to my 20-week scan alone, despite friends and family offering to come.
I only wanted Jason.
I decided to find out the sex because I needed some certainty in my life.
I wept with happiness that it was another boy, as Jason would have been so chuffed to have three sons.
As my due date grew close I felt calm, as if Jason was looking after me.
My first two labours had been very long, but I felt sure this one would be different.
I was right.
I went into labour the night of March 24, 2015, and within half an hour of arriving at hospital with Becca as my birthing partner, Barnaby was born.
As he lay on my chest, I whispered how much Daddy loved him.
During my pregnancy, I had decided to join the charity WAY (Widowed & Young) because I wanted to meet other widowed parents like myself.
The support I’ve received has been invaluable.
I can’t even think about whether I’d like to meet someone else one day – for now the three boys are my focus.
They’ve coped really well and we talk about Jason a lot.
I believe in looking for the rainbow after a storm, and have strived to make life as fun and exciting as possible for my boys.
We still have adventures and we laugh every day.
The horrible experience of losing Jason has just spurred me on to live life to the fullest, and to live my life for him now.
I’ll make sure they never forget the daddy who loved them so much."
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