I’m hooked on a lad who legged it but too frightened to tell him

Dear Deidre

I BUMPED into a lad I knew at school and we instantly connected again – so much so we went back to the flat where he was staying and had sex.

But the last time I saw him he left a few hours later without ­saying a word and didn’t answer any of my texts.

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I am 19, he’s 20 and we were in the same class in school but he’s moved away and we had not spoken for three years.

When we met in a club he was so sweet, we danced all evening and he acted like my boyfriend.

He made it clear how much he wanted me and I felt so comfortable with him I agreed when he asked me to go back to his brother’s flat for a coffee.

We talked for a bit then we started kissing and the sex was something else. He was staying with his brother for a month while he was between jobs.

After that first time we bumped into one another at the same club again several times and went back to his brother’s for sex. He treated me like a princess, always telling me how beautiful I looked.

The last time I saw him we didn’t have sex, just cuddled and talked about our lives, and kissed the whole night.

Everything seemed perfect, we are so comfortable around one another. We talk and laugh and I have never felt like he only wanted me for sex.

The next morning he went out to buy a coffee and have a cigarette. An hour went by and he still hadn’t come back so I texted him but got no reply. His brother came in and said he had gone home. I was gutted that he went without even saying goodbye.

He’d given me completely mixed signals. Is he scared of showing his feelings for me? I have fallen in love with him but I am too frightened to tell him in case it scares him off.

DEIDRE SAYS: You felt a strong connection but he may have taken the message from you that having sex on the first night meant you were up for a casual fling.

Perhaps, while he was away from what is now his home it was just a holiday romance. Are you sure he hasn’t got a girlfriend back there?

He clearly felt bad about something, to sneak off like that. Phone him to say you are confused and hurt by his careless attitude.

Pluck up the courage to be honest. Say you are developing feelings for him. If he does not feel the same at least you’ll know where you stand. He won’t be the guy for you.

If he is keen then he needs to learn how to treat a girl. Either way this is going nowhere without you having a heart to heart.

I cannot last so wife has cheated

Dear Deidre

I FEEL like I am fighting a losing battle to save my marriage.

We are both 35 and have two fabulous boys aged 12 and 13 years.

We have a beautiful house and a good lifestyle, but our sex life is rubbish. I cannot last long and have not been able to for years. It has driven us apart.

My wife says she loves me but has no sexual desire for me. She has had a couple of flings, but swears they were non-sexual.

I found out about the latest guy last week. I told her I was leaving and after mulling it over she said she wants to sort things for the boys.

But since saying that she has done nothing to show she is willing to change.

DEIDRE SAYS: You cannot fix this broken marriage alone. There’s no point staying together for the children if you’re not going to work to make yours a happy home.

As long as your wife is willing to try too, together you can do a lot to solve your premature ejaculation. Read my e-leaflet How Men Can Last Longer and see a Relate sex therapist (call 0300 100 1234, or see ).

Fiancee freaking over my porn use

Dear Deidre

WHEN my fiancée looked at my web history and found some porn sites, she blew it out of all proportion and keeps saying I am lusting after other women.

We have been together nearly two years. She is 22 and I am 25. We get on great and the sex is amazing.

When I am bored or horny when she is at work, I sometimes go on porn – maybe once a week. I think it’s totally normal for a guy.

She caught me out twice.

I have promised I would never cheat and that I love her to bits. To be honest I think she is a bit controlling to go through my history.

DEIDRE SAYS: She sounds rather insecure but if she’d never sneaked a look at your history before, ask what prompted her to do so now.

Looking at soft porn is no big deal but this has tapped into some underlying anxieties for your fiancée. Has someone cheated on her before? Are there areas of your relationship where you could do better?

Keep reassuring her how much you love and desire her. My e-leaflet Upset by Pornography? will help you understand how she feels.

Do you have a controlling partner? Whether they are emotionally abusive or inflicting physical harm, don’t miss my live phone-in on Good Morning Britain on ITV from 6am today.

Dear Deidre

MY stepson’s weight has ballooned to 19st and he ate his way through a whole multi-pack of Mars bars when we were at work the other day.

He is 16 and has lived with us for the past five years though he still sees his mum. She and my husband divorced when my stepson was seven. Then he just ate.

He has been overweight ever since and on various NHS healthy-eating schemes. Counsellors say his weight is an attention-seeking tool. He is a clever boy and has friends, but he is jealous of his dad and our two sons, aged three and one.

I’m 29 and my husband is 32. We are at our wits’ end.

DEIDRE SAYS: Comfort-eating has become a hard habit to break. He needs encouragement rather than criticism to develop self-esteem. Encourage his dad to spend more quality time with him and contact Beat eating disorder charity (, 0345 634 7650).

Dear Deidre

I LOVE my girlfriend but I keep getting flashbacks of her previous relationship. How can I get rid of the memory?

We’ve been together for two years. We are 19 and plan to marry after I finish my university degree.

Being apart from her is hard but we chat every day and have phone sex.

I have always had doubts and feel jealous, but I met her ex and he told me all about their relationship and sex life. Now what he told me is in my head 24/7. She loves me a lot and I love her too.

I want a happy life for us but without her past. I feel I am going crazy.

DEIDRE SAYS: Her ex was looking to cause trouble bragging about their sex life. Remind yourself they are not together and that she is choosing to be with you.
Jealousy is about your insecurity rather than about her past. You have to deal with it or risk pushing her away. My e-leaflet Dealing With Jealousy will help.