A wee problem on a trip to Havana
Sun man describes a painful encounter with a jellyfish on his Caribbean adventure
WE met just two days ago, on a sunny rooftop in Havana, but already my nine tour companions and I were joking and over-sharing like old pals.
Still, I wasn’t sure we had reached the point where it was OK to pee on each other — even if it was an emergency.
My new pal Amy was in agony thanks to a jellyfish sting and I was refusing to wee on it.
We’ve all seen that Friends episode.
You know, the one where Chandler peed on Monica’s jellyfish sting to soothe her burning leg. So we knew what had to be done.
The only difference was that was season four and the Central Perk gang had been mates for years.
Surely Amy and I were barely past our pilot episode?
The day had started smoothly enough, with a coach ride from chaotic Havana to chilled out Trinidad, a perfectly preserved Spanish colonial settlement of cobbled streets and pastel-coloured buildings.
Trinidad is the first stop on Intrepid’s nine-day, once-in-lifetime, Cuba Music & Dance tour.
It was here that we had our taste of salsa — the dance, not the condiment — with a lesson in our B&B’s beautifully-tiled courtyard.
Eager to practise our new moves, we drove to a deserted beach accompanied by three local musician-come-chefs who provided a delicious barbecue and live latin music.
As the rum ran dry and our salsa went from bad to Ann Widdecombe on Strictly, some genius decided a midnight swim was in order.
I’ll never know why, they seemed like such nice blokes, but the band didn’t think to warn us about the deadly Portuguese man o’ war jellyfish, known locally as Medusa, that stalk the warm Caribbean sea.
Two hours later and a feverish Amy was face down on a hospital bed with a pin cushion for a backside as doctors pumped her full of antihistamines and painkillers.
Amy described the pain as nine out of ten.
The burn was still warm to the touch nine days later.
I couldn’t help feeling it was all a little bit my fault for not peeing on her.
Amy recovered, and two days later we were rattling through the streets of Camaguey on a bicycle taxi.
The ride ended in front of a Baroque church at one of the city’s many hidden squares where I chose a dinner of shredded beef with potatoes followed by my first toke on a cigar.
Cuban food can get a bad rap for bland flavours, but there wasn’t a simple home-cooked dish all holiday I didn’t enjoy.
As for the occasional spot of poor service, our guide Tony would remind us of the trip’s simple mantra: “It’s all part of the charm”.
Situated closer to Jamaica than Havana, Santiago is more Afro-Caribbean than Latin American.
And unlike some of Havana’s renovated squares, the city’s historic centre has kept its shabby charm.
Our dance and drumming lessons here took place on the flat roofs of the city’s densely-packed old town.
The impoverished cradle of the communist revolution, Santiago’s nightlife has a more edgy vibe than Havana’s tourist-friendly offerings.
For our last night we flew back to Havana where I was chauffeured around in a classic car, danced in all of the run-down clubs and watched the sunrise from my home-stay’s roof.
And we didn’t leave the island without going for one last swim.
After being assured by locals that the jellyfish only come out at night, Amy played it safe but me and two Canadians, Cynamon and Emma, ventured in.
I was in there all of 30 seconds before getting stung on the wrist.
Cynamon was hit, followed by Emma. Back on dry land Cynamon wasn’t taking any chances.
She screamed with a military authority that only a brash North American accent can convey: “Jacob! Get over here! You’re peein’ on me.”
This time, I was ready.
Only to hear a scream from Emma that sent me running across the beach like Fireman Sam to put out the damage on her foot — before racing to Cynamon to soak her shoulder.
Nobody spoke for a good five minutes.
Cynnamon was first: “You know what. Maybe that was just sunburn on my shoulder.”
I grabbed a beer just in case the fire hose needed replenishing.
Go: Cuba
GETTING THERE: Virgin Atlantic flies direct to Havana twice weekly from Gatwick from £540. See or call 0844 2092 770.
STAYING THERE: Intrepid Travel’s Cuba Music and Dance from £999, including guesthouse accommodation, transport, selected meals and activities plus guiding. Start/finish in Havana, trip takes in Trinidad, Camaguey and Santiago. See or call 0808 274 5111.