My husband is 75 and I worry he has a drink problem – he angrily dismisses my concern as ‘nonsense’
WE all sometimes fall back on habits we know aren’t good for us.
It might be smoking, drinking a little too much, bingeing our favourite foods or jumping in the car when we could have just walked the short distance to the shops.
Feeling overwhelmingly guilty about these things won’t help you feel better or make changes to your routine though.
Instead, think about ways you can take some positive steps.
Consider roping the family into cooking healthy meals together, downloading the NHS Stop Smoking app or organising a daily half-hour walk with a friend.
Here’s what readers asked me this week . . .
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Q) BOTH my big toe nails have split horizontally, around halfway up. What could it be?
A) Onychoschizia is the medical term given to split toe nails. Splits can happen because of trauma, such as stubbing a toe, but as you have it on both toes, I suspect that is not the case.
Nails can split if they are wet all the time, but this usually affects the hands of people like cleaners or hairdressers. They can also split when we lack certain nutrients, such as iron.
Insufficient levels of protein or folic acid can lead to ridges in the centre of nails, too.
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So it’s worth having a look at your diet and making sure you include plenty of vitamins and iron-rich foods such as kidney beans and spinach.
Nails can also split because of fungal infections, hormone issues, psoriasis and diabetes, but you don’t mention any of these conditions.
As it’s both feet, I suggest you make an appointment with your GP.
You also don’t mention if they’re causing you pain, but if they are, it’s best to get them looked at sooner rather than later.
Q) MY husband is 75 years old and for the past 35-40 years he has drunk between 100-120 units of dark beer every week. I’ve researched symptoms of liver disease via the NHS website and he ticks every box.
But he angrily dismisses my findings as the “complete nonsense you find on the internet”.
He has a hugely swollen abdomen (although isn’t overweight per se – his arms and legs are quite thin).
The whites of his eyes are yellowed, the slightest scratch results in a massive bruise, his feet and ankles are swollen and his face is red and spider-veined.
He also suffers from a number of health issues including gout, an underactive thyroid and COPD.
At a Well Man medical, his blood results for liver function came back normal. I had hoped it would show something and be a wake-up call. In the event, he is now smug because he believes the test shows he is perfectly fit and healthy.
Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
A) Men and women are advised not to drink more than 14 units per week, that’s around a bottle and a third of wine or six pints of average-strength beer. Any more than that and there is a risk that it could be causing harm.
Alcohol dependency or alcohol misuse has symptoms that include being unable to limit the amount of alcohol being drunk and being unable or unwilling to cut down.
You’re right to be concerned.
It sounds likely your husband has issues with his relationship with alcohol, and that many units each week is very likely to have an effect on his health.
Liver function tests can come back normal with early and even fairly significant liver disease, though they would have shown an increased bilirubin level if the yellowed eyes were true jaundice. You’re in a difficult position because you can’t get him help unless he wants help himself.
You also don’t mention whether he’s having alcohol-free days at all.
It sounds as though he doesn’t share the concerns you have, so it might be worth having a chat with your GP on your own and seeking some advice yourself on how to talk to or help him.
Ultimately, the choice to change has to come from him, but it might be worth looking at local groups and seeing if there’s something you can do together that might take the place of alcohol some evenings in the week.
If you do decide to have more conversations with him, take blame out of the equation and try to determine – in a patient and calm way – what it is that drives him to drink.
It could be that he’s suffering from poor mental health and doesn’t want to talk about it.
Alcohol dependency often is a symptom of an underlying mental health problem or trauma.
Q) WHEN a man with venereal disease passes water, does he really feel as if he is passing razor blades, or is that an exaggeration?
A) VD or venereal disease is the older term for what now is referred to as sexually transmitted infections, or STIs, including chlamydia, gonorrhoea and herpes virus.
Passing urine while you have an STI may cause pain, but not always. It depends on which infection a person has, the severity of symptoms and where the infection is.
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In men who have symptoms from chlamydia, for example, they often refer to it as being like passing razor blades or describe the sensation as more like a burning, itching pain that causes a searing feeling, which is why it’s described in the way you mention.
Urinary tract infections that are not sexually transmitted can also cause similar symptoms. It’s important to get symptoms checked and treated to prevent them getting worse.
Why aren't all smokers ill?
Q) I AM a non-smoker and I prefer others not to smoke – but why is it that so many people smoke for years and years without dying or becoming seriously ill?
Smoking tobacco is the most dangerous habit of all – it is incredibly bad for us.
Smoking increases the risk of cancers, heart disease, strokes, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and type 2 diabetes, but smoking does not give anybody a definite death sentence.
We know smoking is linked to around 80 to 90 per cent of lung cancers, but while some smokers will go their whole lives without getting lung cancer, other people who don’t smoke, but have inhaled fumes as passive smokers, will get lung cancer.
This is because our genetics and other lifestyle and environmental factors contribute to the risk.
Smoking is a factor in around 20 to 30 per cent of all cancer deaths, but that still leaves a huge proportion of deaths where it’s not a factor.
There’s no safe level of smoking and, thankfully, the number of smokers is going down in the UK.
I speak to a lot of smokers in clinic who have tried to stop, but have struggled and gone back to it. This is normal. It often takes several attempts to stop for good, so the key is to keep trying.
The NHS has stop smoking programmes, including an app, and I advise using them.
People are up to three times more likely to stop smoking for good if they use a combination of stop smoking treatment and receive support from an NHS Stop Smoking Service.