I’m a psychotherapist – here’s the 5 things parents should NEVER say to their kids at mealtimes
MEALTIMES with little ones can be hard work.
Whether their throwing their carrots on the floor or refusing to eat altogether - it's a challenge not for the faint hearted.
But one expert has now warned that parents should be cautious of the language they use with their children at the dinner table.
Family psychotherapist Fiona Yassin said there are some phrases that are used which can be damaging to a child - especially when it comes to their relationship with food.
The guru explained that some mealtime chatter can lead young people to develop unhealthy behaviours with food, or even exacerbate the early stages of an eating disorder.
Here Fiona, who is an expert at the - which specialises in mental health and eating disorders, revealed the five phrases that could be harming your little one.
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1. Eat up or you won't grow big and strong
The guru said that introducing consequences into mealtimes can lead to your child developing an unhealthy habit with food.
She said that by implying the optimum goal of eating is to “grow big and strong” you are reinforcing a message that food has only one purpose.
Therefore, she says, children may believe food is not there to be enjoyed.
"In addition, this sentiment may cause a child to feel a sense of failure if they do not eat everything on their plate.
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"Likewise the word ‘big’ can be triggering for some, whilst the word ‘strong’ has male connotations and may well further emphasise the outdated (and invalid) assumption that boys are strong, and girls are weak", she said.
2. Clear your plate
Most people will have experienced their parents telling them to finish all their meals, followed with 'you won't get any more', or 'I'm not making you anything else'.
Fiona said that it's important to teach kids to eat until they are satisfied - not until their plates are empty.
She said: "The idea is to encourage kids to acknowledge and respect the satisfying feeling of being full.
"If you ask a child or young person to finish all their food, you are asking them to ignore and eat beyond the feeling of fullness.
"If you force your child to eat more, you’re forcing them to ignore their natural brain receptors and overeat. Let your child listen to their natural cues so they don’t offset their own body rhythm."
3. Your mum won't eat that
It's easy for children to be influenced by what their parents' eat and how they talk about food and their bodies.
In most cases, Fiona said that parents' food habits can have a powerful effect on children.
She explained: "As models in a child’s life, parents provide examples of behaviours to follow.
"A child who experiences a parent modelling behaviour towards food, such as a distaste or aversion to vegetables, may learn that this behaviour is normal."
Up to about the age of 12, you have control over your child’s environment, so Fiona said it’s important to be a good role model for eating.
This she said, means eating well and letting them see you eating well.
"It also means highlighting the joy of food and reminding children that it's a time to come together as a family," she added.
What are the warning signs of an eating disorder you should look out for?
Eating disorders are at an all-time high in the UK, increasing 84 per cent in the last five years .according to the Royal College of Psychiatrists.
Fiona explained that you should look out for behavioural changes in your child’s eating habits such as eating a restricted range of foods, introducing rules around what type of foods they eat and how they eat them, or speaking negatively about their weight and appearance.
She added: "Other signs include feeling guilty after eating, social withdrawal particularly around eating times and for older children, a preoccupation with checking calorie or other ingredient content in food.”
The expert explained that eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorders are also obsessive and compulsive disorders and are often accompanied by rituals.
For instance, you may see a child chew their food a number of times or perhaps eat their food in a particular colour order on their plate, she said.
"There is a connection between the two diagnoses and some commonality in symptoms, too. Look out for these signs", she advised.
4. If you eat your veggies you can have a dessert
If you think back to your childhood - this might have been one of the most frustrating phrases - especially if you're still staring down a plate full of peas.
But Fiona warned that regularly using this type of language, using food as a reward - will make your child think healthy food is boring and that sweet treats are good and a useful way to manage emotions.
"It is no surprise that many adults come to resent healthy eating and turn to cake and not carrot sticks when they feel low.
"Ensure to give healthy desserts regardless of whether meals have been eaten or not. This removes the association of earning dessert from eating food they may not like or want," she added.
5. You're such a picky eater
The word picky is loaded with negative connotations, Fiona said.
"Telling your child, or telling someone else in front of your child that they are a picky eater, is identity-shaping talk.
"Labelling your child not only risks them limiting how they see themselves but it could also trigger that child to adopt that identity."
Fiona added that it's important to look out for these phrases - as from a young age, children look up to their parents and mimic many of their words and actions subconsciously.
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"Of course, parents and carers do not mean to harm their children in their everyday words, but it is important to acknowledge the impact words and actions can have on a child.
"They may have a negative impact on their behaviour, confidence and identity as they grow into adolescence," she added.