My mum-in-law poked holes in my condoms because she’s desperate for a grandson – and now I’m pregnant
A MUM has revealed how she's fallen pregnant just months after giving birth to her first child, after her mother-in-law tampered with her contraception.
Taking to to ask for advice, the 20-year-old mum - who already has a four-month-old baby girl - explained her mother-in-law has been poking holes in her condoms as she's "desperate" to have a grandson.
"My husband and I welcomed our daughter into the world 18 weeks ago," she explained.
"She’s a darling baby and really pretty easy as far as newborns go, except for one: she wasn’t a son.
"My in-laws were obsessed with the idea of us having a son, to the point that they denied she was a girl up until the moment she was born.
"Why? Because, 'the bloodline follows the father. If you don’t have a son, our family name will die out, because your daughter will marry a man and carry on his bloodline. So girls don’t really count.'
"The day they came to visit in the hospital, my in-laws asked when we would be trying for another baby.
"We kind of just laughed it off, but my mother-in-law got more insistent, straight up telling us 'y’all need to try for a boy!'
"Over the next month or two the conversation about us having another baby sort of tapers off into little comments every now and again.
"I had no problem ignoring them, and we’d already told them it wasn’t happening so I just let it run off my back.
"Around this time, my mother-in-law started coming over daily for a few hours, watching the baby for me so that I could sleep and also occasionally clean up a bit for me.
"She’d be over unsupervised anywhere from 1-4 hours."
The mum went on to explain that just a couple of days ago, she had a "paranoid" feeling she could be pregnant and immediately took a pregnancy test.
Shocked that the test came back positive, the couple took a digital test the next morning - which also indicated she was expecting another baby.
"After getting over the initial shock, we were excited but confused," she explained.
"For several reasons, we hadn’t been able to get hormonal birth control, so we’d been using condoms and lube to make sure they didn’t tear.
"So we weren’t sure how we’d gotten pregnant, but were happy with the news.
"We decided we wouldn’t tell anyone because we didn’t want another baby stampede from his family, but I’m incredibly close with my sister-in-law so I decided to tell her after swearing her to secrecy.
"When I told her, her yes got wide and started to water and she asked if I was serious, and was I sure.
"I told her I know my husband and I are young, but between us we make more than enough to support another baby.
"Sister-in-law bursts into tears and starts to apologise over and over, meanwhile I sit there with my mouth hanging open and lost."
The mum explained that at this point, her sister-in-law revealed her contraception had been tampered with.
"She calms down a bit, and through her tears tell me that my mother-in-law has been poking holes in our condoms pretty much since we came home from the hospital," she continued.
"She claims her mum told her she did it, but she thought that she was just spouting s**t because she was upset we didn’t have a boy.
"And suddenly everything clicked into place. That’s why the condoms didn’t work even though we were careful with them.
"That’s why she’d always shoo me off to sleep while she was around. And that’s what she was doing when she was “cleaning” my house - snooping for our condoms.
"I’m so angry I don’t know what to do. I’m also illogically angry at my sister-in-law for not telling me - how could you think this was a joke when she was so specific about everything she was going to do?!
"Why didn’t you warn me? I would have put my condoms in my room. I’m livid with mother-in-law.
"I’m pleased with this pregnancy but it wasn’t my choice. It wasn’t even an accident, it was her meddling because she didn’t get the Golden Grandson she wanted.
"I don’t even know how to handle this. I want to scorch the earth but I also still don’t want his family knowing I’m pregnant.
"And I’m not even 12 weeks yet so the risk of a miscarriage is still uncomfortably high.
"The only bright side of this whole thing is it’s snatched my husband out of his mother's FOG so violently he’s probably got whiplash.
"Personally, my pregnancy has soured a bit so I’m really trying to hang on to any happiness I have about the pregnancy left."
Naturally, other Reddit users were utterly horrified, with several rushing to offer their advice.
A number of users suggested seeking legal help while others said they hoped the second baby would be a girl too.
One commented: "Change your locks to your house. Get a key lock for your bedroom. Get a security system that sees who is at your door.
"1. Tell your husband ASAP
"2. Bring him with you to address her
"3. Explain this is the reason why she can’t be trusted in your home ever again. Trust is earned, not to be taken for granted."
What is reproductive coercion?
- According to a study published in British Medical Journal, coercion over reproduction is deemed as "actions that interfere with a woman's reproductive intentions and any actions that pressurise or coerce a woman into initiating or terminating a pregnancy".
- It can be carried out by partners but also family, including in-laws.
- Examples include blackmail, threats of violents, pressure to continue or end a pregnancy or to not use contraception.
- It also includes "contraceptive sabotage" for example, piercing condoms or "stealthing" - where a condom is removed during sex, without the woman realising.
Another wrote: "I think you have solid grounds to go to the police and see what can be done. Maybe your state (if in the US) has reproductive coercion laws."
"She’s fully admitted that she poked holes in the condoms and you probably have the condoms with holes in them as I’m typing this."
"I don’t know how you ever get back to normal after this.
"If you forgive and forget, you’re basically telling her she can invade YOU and nothing will be done in the form of a consequence."
What would you do?
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