Mum accused of ‘poor parenting’ and told to ‘toughen up’ after revealing she still lets her six-year-old daughter have a dummy
A MUM has been accused of “poor parenting” after admitting that her six-year-old daughter still has a dummy when she goes to sleep.
The “embarrassed” parent asked for advice on Mumsnet for how to wean her daughter off the nightly routine – but was told to “toughen up” by other users.
Insisting that her daughter is only allowed a dummy before bed, the woman wrote: “It helps her wind down right before bed.
“She is very aware that she is far too old for it and would be mortified if anyone found out.”
Describing how her and her husband have imaginatively tried to confiscate the dummy before, she added: “We’ve had visits for the dummy fairy, Santa to take them away, we’ve read books about giving it up and once we even ‘forgot’ it when we came back from holiday. But every time she just gets so upset.”
Although the little girl said she would give up the dummy last week, she immediately “started to sob” when it came round it and took three hours to fall asleep.
The mum added: “I even heard her in the night, softly sobbing. It was heartbreaking.
“This morning I told her how well she had done but she just asked if she could have a dummy tonight.”
Despite knowing that her daughter is too old for it, the mum asked: “What’s the harm?
“It hasn’t affected her teeth as the dentist has assured me and her speech is fantastic.
“One second she wants to be a big girl and give it up, which we are here to help and support her for, the next minute she just wants her dummy. I feel so evil for not letting her have it, should I just give her the dummy?”
The woman’s dilemma has sparked fierce debate in the forum, which some sympathising with her situation and others accusing her of “poor parenting”.
When should your child stop using a dummy?
- According to the , parents should wean their children off dummies from nine to 12 months
- Health visitor Kystal Mesmain said: ‘This is a time when they’re learning speech and language and if they have a dummy, it can hinder them from speaking.’
- However, it’s up to parents on when they choose to wean their child off their dummy
“If she decided she preferred not to go to school and sobbed her heart out you would still send her,” one wrote. “You need to toughen up.”
Another replied: “This is poor parenting on your behalf, you need to be consistent with boundaries and supportive when she finds these boundaries difficult, without giving in.”
Insisting that “the longer you leave it, the worse it will be”, a third added: “She’s only a few years of sleepovers. What then?
“You genuinely aren’t doing her any favours by keeping this up as you’re potentially setting her up for sleep problems later on. It’s good sleep ‘hygiene’ to ensure that you don’t need to rely on anything to help you fall asleep…”
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