GURU OF RUDE
Life of sexpert Dr Ruth, 91, who tells women to demand orgasms and get it on as often as possible
AT the age of 91 — and after four decades of dishing out sex advice — Dr Ruth still hasn’t lost the ability to shock.
Viewers of Lorraine Kelly’s breakfast show were left choking on their cereal when the grande dame of agony aunts discussed in frank detail a man’s performance between the sheets.
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But sex talk on live TV at 8.30am is nothing new to her.
And she is now turning Twitter blue with remarks such as: “Having anal sex once is sort of like going to Tijuana and saying you’ve been to Mexico.”
This 4ft 7in lady with a huge zeal continues to change the way we think about our most private moments.
With her authoritative German accent, over nearly 40 years Ruth Westheimer has told men that size doesn’t matter, encouraged women to demand an orgasm, preached getting it on as often as possible and spoke up for gay sex during the Aids panic.
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Tomorrow the academic will be debating at Oxford University, defending the right of adults to look at pornography in private.
And thanks to a new documentary about her remarkable life and biting tweets, the tiny relationship expert’s immense stature in her role is being appreciated again.
Ask Dr Ruth tells how this daughter of Orthodox Jews fled Nazi Germany at the age of ten, lost her parents to Adolf Hitler’s gas chambers, almost died fighting for the Israelis, got married three times and became a broadcasting legend.
She has advised celebrities, appeared in 450 television shows, written 35 books and even had her own board game.
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And finally she is confident her advice is filtering through.
Dr Ruth, who became a US citizen in 1965, said yesterday: “Things have changed. People are a little bit more sexually knowledgeable.
“I get less questions now about women not being able to have sexual satisfaction, or men who come faster than they want to.”
Her early years did not point to such a radical future.
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Born Karola Ruth Siegel in 1928, she was raised by devout Orthodox Jews Irma and Julius. She learned what sex was at the age of ten, after discovering a book called The Ideal Marriage, containing detailed drawings of intimate positions.
Her father was arrested in 1938 by Hitler’s paramilitary forces during the persecution and massacre of Jews. Realising her only child was in danger, Irma sent Ruth to neutral Switzerland as part of an organised rescue effort just before the outbreak of war.
Both her parents were murdered soon afterwards.
In the documentary, Dr Ruth says: “My parents actually gave me life twice — once when I was born and once when they sent me to Switzerland.” After the war, she moved to Palestine, ditching her German first name for Ruth, and fought as a sniper for Israel as the Jews tried to establish an independent state.
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It was here that she lost her virginity, aged 17, in a haystack without using contraception.
But she lacked confidence, saying: “Since I’m only four foot seven, I never entirely grew out of my awkward stage, and for a long time in my youth I was certain that no man would ever find me attractive.”
But many men did. In 1950 she moved to Paris with her first husband, then to New York in 1956 with her second, before marrying Fred Westheimer in 1961.
She says in the film: “My first marriages were legalised love affairs. But with Freddy, it was true love.”
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Dr Ruth studied in the US and got a doctorate in community and family studies from Columbia University.
After her degree, Ruth, who has two children, Joel, 55 and Miriam, 62, took on a part-time job researching sexual health.
She recalls: “I thought, ‘all these people, all they do is talk about sex’.”
By 1980 Dr Ruth was doing the same, having been asked to discuss relationship issues on a radio show called Sexually Speaking.
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She got her break in broadcasting because she was willing to discuss sex education on the airwaves without being paid. When the New York station WYNY-FM was looking for a guest to discuss the subject for free, all the doctors they asked turned it down — except Ruth.
Former station manager Maurice Tunick remembered the first time staff encountered her.
He recalled that producer Betty Elam Brauner “ran back to the radio station and said, ‘you’re not going to believe this woman I met today, she talks about sex in a way I’ve never heard anyone talk’.”
On the show she would always tell listeners: “I am not a medical doctor and I do not do therapy on air. I am here to educate.”
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These days she is worth around £2.5million and has mixed with the rich and famous, from Princess Diana and David Bowie to Bill Clinton and Donald Trump.
Considering her fame, she could have earned more, but her interest was in spreading the word, rather than working in Hollywood.
She became known for the frank talk, where her catchphrase was “get some”, all delivered with distinctive rolling Rs as in “rrrrelationship”.
She got her own TV show, which was broadcast in the UK, drawing in guests such as Burt Reynolds, Joan Rivers and Jerry Seinfeld.
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There also followed Dr Ruth’s Game of Good Sex board game, a pilot for a sitcom called Dr Ruth’s House and the theatre play, Becoming Dr Ruth. She told viewers to be proud of their naked bodies, to experiment with sexual positions and to tell their partners what they preferred.
That is a standard viewpoint in 2019, but in the Eighties it was radical thinking. Her belief in sexual freedom rarely wavered.
As homophobia swept America in the Eighties she preached the message that all intercourse was normal as long as it took place between two consenting adults.
But Dr Ruth has a conservative streak. She is against one-night stands, believes in holy matrimony and supports monogamy.
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She caused outrage when she said: “Nobody has any business being in bed naked — two guys, two women, or a man and a woman — if they haven’t decided to have sex.”
The implication was that a woman could not say no to sex once they had started to arouse a man.
She always refused to talk about her own sex life, and even while making the documentary the crew were barred from the bedroom in her apartment.
The film is available on the Hulu channel and released on DVD here in September.
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MOST READ IN FABULOUS
Dr Ruth is determined to keep saying difficult things.
She says: “If I would have stayed in Frankfurt, in the Orthodox Jewish milieu, I don’t think I would have talked about orgasms and erections.
“Because I was an orphan at a very early age, I was determined to speak up explicitly about things I believe in.”
HER HOT TIPS
IS IT dangerous to have sex in water? Yes, if you don’t know how to swim.
SEEMS lots of women are concerned with thigh gap. I say as long as partner fits in your gap, all is fine.
POSITIVE aspect of polar vortex – if the guy is shivering his penis might act a bit like a vibrator.
TEMPS to drop on the east coast. Upsetting I know, unless you focus on “drop” and think of pants and panties doing same.
I KNOW the phrase Hump Day has nothing to do with sex, but be honest, do you just think Wednesday when you hear it?
IF millennials tell me they don’t have time to have sex I say, ‘Nonsense!’ In the olden days, immigrants in New York worked many more hours than millennials and they still had time.
DID you know sex can actually cure a headache?
I DON’T believe in hooking up. I don’t believe in sex on the first date. I want people to have a relationship before they have sex.
YOU don’t have to share your fantasies. If the woman thinks about a whole football team in bed with her, that’s OK, but keep your mouth shut about it.
THERE are still people who believe in the G-spot. Until we get scientifically validated data that there’s something like a G-spot, we shouldn’t worry about it. And there are plenty of other myths that still need to be buried.
IN nursing homes, I’d like to make sure there’s a dating room, with a sign that says Do Not Disturb. There’s a need for caressing and being held at every age.
THE most important six inches are the ones between the ears.
Official trailer for the documentary Ask Dr. Ruth following the extraordinary story of sex therapist and TV host Ruth Westheimer
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