Mum-of-four Peta Todd talks losing confidence and the importance of hitting the pause button

THE mum of four talks family life in her weekly column. Today Peta, who is married to Olympic cyclist Mark Cavendish, talks about losing confidence and the importance of hitting the pause button.

I HAVE feared saying this out loud as I know other people have far heavier weights on their shoulders than me.

But lately I have really taken my foot off the gas when it comes to work, physical wellbeing and even my own happiness. I like to think it wasn’t obvious to the outside world.

But I imagine it was. To be honest, caring if it was or wasn’t was half the problem. Actually being OK and pretending to be OK are worlds apart.

Recently, life had got in the way. The contentment and health of my children, being a strong wife and keeping the mundane day to day ticking over has taken every part of me.

Sure, it’s not exciting, but vital. I found myself subconsciously dropping anything that wasn’t completely necessary because I didn’t have the headspace and energy for it.

Yet from such a young age, the desire to constantly be moving forward, growing and achieving left me feeling like I was failing by stopping to take a breath.

The doubt that I actually wasn’t good enough started to creep in – and that really isn’t me. Nappies, school runs and play dates take over. Throughout my life I have been written off and pigeon-holed for various reasons.

Being a teen mum, a model (let alone a model who dared to step out my box and use my voice), marrying an athlete and – pow! – you have a recipe to stay in your lane and play a role.

But through all of this, my confidence in myself has normally been resilient, unwavering and a driving force. The feeling of losing my way and doubting my ability, mainly in a work capacity, was unfamiliar and really tough for me.

And I know I’m not alone in this, especially among parents and carers of all forms. There are the nappies, school runs and play dates that take over.

You start to question if you can dip your toe outside of it all again without letting down the family that rely on you.

I stopped and took a breath, regrouped and surrounded myself with my chosen few people who build me up, have seen my highs and pulled me out of my lows.

I realised I don’t need to apologise for pausing. Neither do you. I needed to refill my cup to be able to pour into others again and, in that realisation, my confidence began to resurge.

If you are feeling like you are on a train that has no brakes, jump off for a bit. And it is OK to feel overwhelmed or to be unsure if you are on the right path.

It is also good to say it out loud, pause and come back stronger.