oh baby!
Couple who lost spark and sought help on sex help TV show ended up pregnant while filming
When Dana and James first got together the highly-sexed couple couldn't keep their hands off each other, but they hit a blip after moving in together
WHEN Dana and James first got together three years ago after meeting on a dating website, the sex was mind-blowing.
"I’ve never gone for so long - I felt like a stallion," recalls 26-year-old James - and it’s a theme that continued for the next 18 months.
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"We had a great sex life," Dana, a 20-year-old hairdresser tells Sun Online. "We only saw each other a couple of times a week and we made the most of it."
It helped that Dana’s sex drive is ‘ridiculously high’. "She would have it every day, every hour," smiles James.
"When we got together, he said you’re not one of these once-a week girls are you and I was like 'trust me I’m not',’’ adds Dana.
But everything changed once the couple, from Walsall, moved in together, which is why they agreed to appear on BBC Three documentary Sex on the Couch, where couples meet with experts in a bid to improve their intimate relationship.
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'I was always pestering him for sex'
Within a few weeks of moving in, their spontaneous energetic sex sessions gave way to what both admit was something altogether more routine.
"We were still doing it two or three times a week, but the spark was gone," says Dana.
"We lost the passion and intimacy. I felt like I was always pestering James for sex."
"When you’re with someone for 24 hours you can take them for granted," adds James.
"It got to a point where if we didn’t plan having sex it wouldn’t happen. But then when it did happen neither of us were very happy at the end of it."
The situation had led to an almost permanent tension in the air – tension that led the couple to take the dramatic decision to visit a sex therapist, one of the several filmed for the BBC series.
Focusing on foreplay
"If you had told me a couple of years ago that we would be seeing a therapist about our sex life I wouldn’t have believed you," says Dana."But that’s how bad things had got."
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It took discussions with therapist Roberta Babb to get to the bottom of the problem: a lack of intimacy and a lack of communication – both issues for which she had surprising solutions.
For the former, she instructed the couple to take sex off the table altogether, spending a week concentrating solely on foreplay without penetration.
It’s something that had been almost entirely absent from their sex lives in recent months.
"Eighty percent of the time we had a kiss and then we got straight down to it," says James.
'We found out what turned us on'
Initially sceptical, Dana admits she was surprised by how quickly the ban on penetrative sex helped.
"We used the time to get to know each other again, find out about each other and what turned us on.
"It helped us realise that it didn’t always have to be about sex itself."
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The communication issues went deeper though: James revealed that after being cheated on by a previous partner he had become possessive, reluctant to allow Dana to go out on her own even for a drink with a girlfriend.
"If she wanted a night out, I would make excuses for why it was better for her not to go," says James.
"Whenever I tried to talk about it with him it would end in an argument, so it was easier to just avoid it," says Dana. "But it had got to the point where it felt like James and I were together 24/7 and I needed more freedom."
Under Roberta’s guidance, the couple agreed that Dana should have a night out – and once James had realised that he could cope after all, the tension was immediately lifted.
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"It had become this big thing in my head but when it happened it was fine. Dana’s even going on holiday to Majorca for three nights with a friend and I am totally fine with it," he says.
'We got pregnant during filming'
What’s more, six months after their sessions ended the couple are still having regular sex – and if they ever feel they are taking each other for granted they talk about it.
Those conversations are going to be even more important in the future: a month after therapy sessions finished Dana discovered she was pregnant. Their baby is due in August.
"When we worked out the dates, we actually found out we got pregnant during filming," smiles James.
While thrilled, Dana admits she worried about the impact on their sex life.
"We had to talk about it as I was really worried about it – I didn’t want to get it to where it was before," she says. "Luckily that hasn’t happened."
Both are sure that if they had not attended therapy they would have split up by now.
"I don’t think we would still be together if things carried on the way they did," says James.
Dana agrees. "I would recommend therapy to any couple in our situation’ she says.
"It sounds really daunting but it was a really good experience."
Sex On The Couch is a six part series available now on BBC Three.
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