Entrepreneur opens up about how a ‘DNA test revealed her dad wasn’t her biological father’ and how she discovered her new family
Laura McMillian, 39, is an entrepreneur and lives in Utah with her husband Kevin, 43, a robotics engineer
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SITTING at my computer, I froze. For weeks, I’d been trying to convince myself that my suspicions were wrong – but the DNA results were clear.
My beloved dad wasn’t my biological father.
When I handed my parents vials to spit into in January 2014, I had no idea what the repercussions would be. My then-fiancé Kevin and I had taken DNA tests two months before as we were curious about potential health risks, and it made sense for my parents to be tested, too – especially as Mum was already suffering with severe dementia.
When I logged on to the DNA site two months later to find out their results, I didn’t see anything out of place. Then I read the section that explains how you’re genetically connected to others who’ve also taken the test. My mum’s name was there, but my dad’s was nowhere to be seen. Clearly it was a mistake, I decided. The company insisted there was no error, but I was in denial and asked Dad to do another test. The results, which came back two days after my wedding in June 2014, were the same. My mind started to whir. I was sure I wasn’t the result of an affair because I know just how loyal my mum is, so that left just one possibility: I’d been conceived using a sperm donor.
Of course I wanted answers, but Mum’s illness made asking her impossible and I didn’t feel I could add to my dad’s anxiety either, as he was dealing with her condition and at 86, he was pretty frail himself.
We didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but I was a daddy’s girl and we’d do so much together, like going to the movies or boating. So after speaking to Kevin, I decided to keep the news secret from my dad and not search for my donor until he died. But a month later, I was in anguish. I’d look in the mirror unable to recognise myself.
I talked it through with various people, but they found it hard to know what to say.
In February 2015, my dad announced that he knew I’d been looking for my biological father. He didn’t tell me how he’d found out, but it was clear how very hurt and upset he was. I didn’t know if it was just because I was searching, or because he hadn’t known about the donation at all. I felt so sad, because I loved him so much yet he was being so distant. Our relationship became strained, and I tried to speak to him about it again a few months later. I told him that no matter what, he would always be my dad, but he just said he couldn’t talk about it any more. I was heartbroken when he died a year later and we hadn’t managed to fully make peace with each other.
While Kevin offered amazing support, I wanted to meet others like me, so I set up a local donor conception group and we got together monthly to share our stories.
Although Kevin and I hope to have our own kids one day, I had been through so much and I wanted to give a child the experience I wish I’d had growing up: of knowing they were donor conceived and by whom.
I became an egg donor through a fertility website and helped a woman in Australia become a mum in 2016 – I still get regular updates from the family.
I then trained as a coach specialising in donor conception issues and loved helping others. By that point, I’d come to terms with the fact I might never know who my biological father was. However, in July 2017 I logged on to the DNA website and couldn’t believe my eyes. Someone called Peter* had taken a test and matched with me – he was my father. I cried with joy and sent him a message. We exchanged photos and I could see the striking resemblance between us.
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Four months later, I flew across the country with Kevin to meet Peter. When I saw him at the airport, I couldn’t stop staring. It was like a piece of a jigsaw slotting into place. I discovered they had four daughters – my half-sisters – which was amazing. I’ve since spoken to three of them and met one. Peter explained he’d become a sperm donor after he married to make some extra money while at medical school. He also said he’d donated more than once, so we’re assuming I have more siblings out there who we’re currently searching for. With my mum so unwell, I’ll never know the complete truth about my conception. But I’m OK with that, because now when I look in the mirror, I truly know who I am and have more confidence than ever before.”
BTW...
More than 12 million people have had their DNA tested with companies like .
UK donors can no longer be anonymous. When a child reaches 18, they can ask for their donor’s name and address.
- For more information on Laura’s coaching, visit
- *Name has been changed