Four single women share why they’re happier alone… including no arguments over the washing up and putting themselves first
To mark Gal-entine’s Day, JENNY FRANCIS meets four single women each in a different decade of their lives
EVERY woman who is single knows by heart how to respond to the sympathetic phrases thrown in their direction like “don’t worry, you’ll meet someone soon,” or “you’re a catch”.
A smile and shrug of the shoulders is the standard reply but as new statistics reveal more than half of 25 to 44-year-olds are single, why is there still such a stigma surrounding it?
Despite so many young adults being unattached, adverts for sofas, beds and new homes suggest these item should be bought by happy couples, not someone who is single.
To mark Gal-entine’s Day, the day before V-Day – when women celebrate the love for their girlfriends – Jenny Francis meets four single women each in a different decade of their lives.
'No arguments over washing-up'
LYDIA Wheatley has three children, aged 21, 15 and eight, and feels more confident as a singleton.
The personal trainer, from Croydon, South London, says:
"I’ve been single for five years and I unashamedly love it. I’m independent. There should be no shame in not walking down the aisle and saying “I do”. I’ve had two major relationships and after the honeymoon period I find it can be hard work. I lose myself without realising it.
"I always checked in with my partner first before going out or saying yes to a social opportunity. Or I inherited his friends who I’d never choose to hang out with usually.
"I was with the father of my first two kids for ten years. We stayed together for longer than we should have and grew apart because I was still young and ambitious.
"With my second partner, who is the dad of my youngest, he’d pick fights and was jealous of other guys I’d talk to for work.
"We split not long after my youngest was born. That’s why I love the freedom that comes with the single life. There isn’t any emotional baggage and if I want to go out with the girls tonight I can.
"I don’t negotiate with someone else over what I do in my spare time, or argue over who did the washing-up. I just do things myself. In past relationships my partners have hated that I network with other men as part of my job. I just feel more relaxed and in control on my own.
"The only thing that irritates me is that other women feel sorry for me. In our 30s, everyone is getting married or getting engaged and they feel sad that I’m not. The question I always hear is: “Are you seeing anyone yet?” It’s the most popular topic around the dinner table.
"I also get: “Are you bringing a plus one this time?” I get it. Friends are in long-term relationships and a few are married. They want me coupled up too but I’m happy on my own. I now know that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else."
'Putting myself first is revelation'
MUM Nicki Rodriguez, 42, from Brentwood, Essex, has two children, aged eight and 16.
After two failed marriages, the office manager says being single makes midlife an adventure. She explains:
"I’ve been single for three years and I don’t know where the time has gone. I divorced my second husband in July 2016 and, while at first it was an adjustment, I realised how refreshing it is to be on your own again.
"Don’t get me wrong, I love male company. My business partner is a 20-something man and we love each other’s company and I’m on good terms with both my ex-husbands. But I really just don’t see the point of being unhappy in a relationship when you can be happier single.
"It’s funny though, as soon as a relationship ends, my friends want to play cupid to find me someone new. Last year a former friend did some match-making and introduced me to a friend.
"It was a disaster. We dated for six months but it was awful and I let it go on far too long because everyone else was desperate to see it work. The good thing to come from it was it made me realise I’m happier on my own.
"In the past I’ve gone on dates with men who clearly expect me to fund their lazy lifestyle. I work hard to have a nice home and glamorous lifestyle. On paper I tick all the boxes and am a good catch but I really don’t feel I need anyone else in my life right now.
"I love being single. Putting myself first has been a revelation. I’m financially independent, have my children and great friends. But other people see my lifestyle as a bit taboo.
"I continually get into conversations with women my age, who say: “You’re too young to be on your own”, or “I know lots of guys who’d snap you up”.
"But I’m the happiest that I’ve ever been. It really shouldn’t be a taboo to not want to be in a couple."
'I get hit on a lot, which I do enjoy'
BARTENDER Mireina King of Upminster, East London, has had one brief relationship.
She enjoys single life, but people assume she’s looking for love. She says:
"I’ve never been a relationship person. I had a relationship when I was 16 for about a year, so I do know what it’s like to be in a couple, but at my age now, that life just isn’t for me. When I was 19 I did a season in Magaluf where I worked as a shot girl and I loved it."
"I met lots of great people and it was the perfect place to be single with no boyfriend back home worrying about all the male attention you get. I’ve since worked as a PR for the clubs and I just can’t be in a relationship in that kind of job. I don’t overthink it or anything, but I’ve chosen to be single.
"I work in a bar and get hit on a lot, which I enjoy, but I don’t want anything more than a bit of flirty fun. No one is surprised when I say I’m single, but you do still get comments when you say you don’t want a boyfriend.
"Girls say, “Are you not on Tinder?” and ”That guy was so hot, wouldn’t you want him to be your boyfriend?”. I laugh it off.
"My nan is always the worst about it. Whenever I see her, the tea and cake comes out and then the questions start: “Why are you not happily settled down yet?” At my age she was married and starting a family and I find it weird that I have to defend myself.
"I don’t think people expect me to find The One but they do expect me to want a boyfriend – but I’m happier on my own."
'Men seem to get needy at this age'
CUSTOMER care assistant Elaine Caulfield, 51, who has previously been married, lives with her 17-year-old son in Devizes, Wiltshire. She says:
"I was married for four years before I got a divorce in 2000, and for the last 19 years I’ve been happily single. I’m a former Army officer and helicopter pilot, so I’m not someone who feels I need a partner to get through life.
"My take on being in a relationship is that I have a teenage son in the house, so why would I need a middle-aged man too? Men get so needy at this stage of their life.
"I speak to my married friends and it’s always stories of how their husbands depend on them for everything.
"I don’t get lonely. My home is exactly as I like it and in the evening, if I’m not hanging out with my son, I love that I don’t have to share my TV remote. I have a king-size bed and just don’t feel there is something missing when I’m in it. I don’t really give being single too much thought – until I’m reminded when other people make comments about it.
"Recently a well-meaning friend commented online: “One day you’ll find someone special to share your life with, Elaine.” She assumed I’d be happier sharing my life with someone else.
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"I can’t stand those pitying remarks. Others say things like: “There are plenty of single men your age who aren’t that bad.” It makes me laugh. So many women put up with an unhappy relationship because they’re not brave enough to go it alone.
"I’m not closed off to meeting someone, but I wouldn’t dream of joining any apps. I do get asked out, but guys my age are either way too keen or over the hill.
"I’ve never needed a man to feel validated and, I have to say, I love my single status. I look in the mirror and see a woman living her very best life – even if other people don’t see the same."
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