From setting boundaries to building their self-esteem, parenting expert Mandy Saligari reveals her guide to giving your kids the guidance they need
Whether your worried about your kids taking drugs or how your divorce is going to affect them, there are simple answers to help you solve all your parenting questions
LIFE is busier, faster and more competitive than ever – and it is taking a toll on our children. Parenting expert Mandy Saligari’s latest book Proactive Parenting aims to help children build self-esteem.
Mandy said: “I believe many children are left to their own devices far too much, when they need a parent who is there for them, in good shape themselves and able to guide and support children emotionally as they grow up.”
Author Mandy deals with real questions raised by parents. NATASHA HARDING today passes on some of the helpful exchanges.
WE are divorced and we really don’t agree on how to parent. How will this affect my child?
Divorced or separated parents often realise the differences they complain about in terms of parenting are the same themes that caused the marriage to break down. As a product of that marriage, the child will have to learn how to navigate these differences of opinion.
They can only do this when both parties stop competing and hold their own point of view with respect for the other. I would suggest you do not let anyone or anything poison that bond.
You need to stay focused on you, rather than getting distracted by information about your ex-partner.
MY child’s a really fussy eater. Should I worry?
Many children are picky with their food, so gently remind them about the importance of putting healthy food into their bodies to look and feel good. As a family, try to sit and enjoy meals together, rather than eating on the run. This will encourage good eating habits.
The time to worry about fussy eating is when it appears to be a coping mechanism – a way of control or a method of gaining your attention – or when there are visible physical consequences.
If you are worried about your child’s eating, get the support and information you need to address it properly. If all you do is tell the child you are worried, you are likely to drive them further into their dysfunctional food use.
MY daughter wants to go to a festival after her GCSEs. I’m worried but everyone else is going, so I can’t really say no. Help!
Festivals have become a teenage rite of passage, especially following the stress of exams. How easy it is to agree to something to get through the exams then regret it.
Plan in advance so you know which festivals you are prepared to let your teen attend and who they might go with.
Do your research, look at reports in the Press and talk directly to your teenager about it.
WHAT is the right age to introduce my child to alcohol?
As your children hit their teenage years, they are likely to start experimenting with alcohol.
You need to make your mind up about where you stand before this moment comes so you can be consistent and transparent around your rules – as they will be under attack.
Teenagers will push against the rules and test out your boundaries, and alcohol is often the playground on which this is acted out.
WHAT do I do if I believe my child is taking drugs?
Most teens will have some experience of drugs by the time they are 16. They won’t necessarily have used drugs themselves but they will have come across them in their social circle.
It’s important to acknowledge that drugs are present and available. Therefore, not talking about them is negligent. It is vital to talk to your children about drugs and read about what drugs are out there, their effects and so forth.
It is worth focusing on why somebody uses drugs (to medicate anxiety, say, to feel more confident, to let go, to feel good, to belong) and gently see if there is a way to help resolve that issue.
TECHNOLOGY is ruining our lives. What can we do?
Technology is here to stay. In my view, we are behind the curve in terms of understanding the effect it is having on us all.
MOST READ IN FABULOUS
No child should possess their own technology before the age of seven. They can use the family technology but as it doesn’t belong to them, they will not have the same right of entitlement that can justify a tantrum.
Be very clear about how long a child is allowed to use a device for. If the child is under seven, it should be no longer than half an hour at any given time. After the technology use, do something active.
Between seven and 11, children need to learn to manage access to technology so that by the time they go to secondary school, they can handle having a phone, which most parents want their child to have as a point of contact. Between 11 and 15, you should have access to all of their online accounts – but treat them with respect.
- Proactive Parenting: Help Your Child Conquer Self-Destructive Behaviours & Build Self- Esteem by Mandy Saligari (Orion Spring, £14.99) is published tomorrow.