Sex and masturbating as good as meditation at helping you de-stress
You don't have to sign up to a silent yoga class to benefit from some serious relaxation
SEX and meditation may not sound like natural bed-fellows.
One involves sitting cross-legged on the floor with your eyes closed, while the other is often noisy, sweaty and generally more pleasurable.
And let's be honest, most of us struggle to concentrate long enough to meditate or reach a mindful state.
But give us the option of a romp between the sheets, and we're on board.
Mediation has been found to have a tonne of positive effects on our health - from improving memory to reducing stress and decreasing blood pressure - while sex is a well-known stress reliever.
So it shouldn't come as any real surprise to learn that sex can be a form of meditation in and of itself.
Scientists at the University of British Columbia, at their Centre for Sexual Medicine, found that when women took part in three mindful meditation sessions two weeks apart, their sexual desire, arousal, lubrication and satisfaction rose.
Andy Puddicombe is a meditation and mindfulness expert who , and he says that regular meditation has been shown to reduce the amount of stress hormone, cortisol, on the brain.
"Cortisol actually reduces the libido (no time for sex if you’re on the run from a sabretooth tiger), so if you lower cortisol you can actually increase libido – which means you’ll want sex more.
"Your partner is bound to be flattered."
But what about sex as a form of meditation?
Sex as a form of mediation has been been around since the year dot. It's part of tantric sex.
And now "omming" - or orgasmic meditation - is a trend that's becoming popular in the US.
reports that it's a phrase which has been coined by One Taste.
On its site, the institute describes the practice as stroking someone else’s clitoris for 15 minutes "with no goal other than to feel the sensation".
Self-love is just as good for your stress levels
Sarah Tilley, founder and CEO of , tells The Sun: "Sex as meditation is one of the most powerful tools you can have in your toolbox of well-being.
"Not only is it free but harnessing this will give you a better quality of life, better sex and greater long term happiness.
"Through meditation, one can achieve an ecstatic orgasmic state sometimes called Blissful Union.
"When you can achieve this your relationship with yourself, your partner and with anyone between the bedroom and the boardroom improves."
Sarah's 5 top tips for making your sex life more meditational
1. Create a daily practice
Book yourself in like you would a class you’re paying for.
Make a commitment but don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t happen.
The science behind daily practice shows us that we start to rewire the brain and reconstruct DNA.
2. Decide what this practice will consist of and be creative
Connecting with the breath for 1- 3 minutes. Sensual massage alone or with a partner. Lovingly cooking dinner. A sensual and scented bath.
A conversation with your partner where you take it in turns to listen and acknowledge what each is saying.
3. Connect with the breath
Lie comfortably alone or sit opposite your partner while holding eye contact. Focus on slow, deep breaths that travel up and down the spine.
On the in breath count 10 and on the out breath count 14. Empty your lungs fully. Hold your breath at the exhale and wait until your body intuitively starts on the in-breath again by itself.
At the same time visualise your sexual energy as a blue glowing light three finger widths below your belly button. Try to expand the blue to fill your body with every in breath.
Start with one minute and build up over time.
4. Sensual massage alone or with a partner is the best way to get out of your head and into your body
Use scented oils and soft music to create a comfortable environment and tune into long strokes syncing with long breaths.
As you stroke imagine moving negative energy out of the extremities of the body and bringing loving kindness into the heart.
Harness this, and in time you can create an orgasmic state.
5. Keep it slow
You may not think you have time every day and sometimes the most satisfying thing is a short erotic burst and to move on to the day at hand.
But in our busy lives what we need is trust and connection, we need to be listened to and to feel cared for. None of this can happen in a hurry.
She says that sex as meditation is best explored alone as a masturbatory tool before you bring your partner in on it.
"When you feel you have a clear idea on how your body responds, you can share what you have discovered.
"Talking about your intimacy and sensuality with a partner or friend is one of the best ways to generate eroticism and desire."
Sex as a stress-buster
told us sex as a form of meditation has its roots in it's ability to relieve stress.
"Throughout history, the stress-relieving benefits of sex and masturbation have been well chronicled," she says.
"Even the buttoned-up Victorians were responsible for the development of vibrators, allegedly to calm ‘hysterics’ through orgasm."
Dr Spurr says that having sex or giving yourself an orgasm can flood your body with feel-good chemicals including the emotional-bonding hormone oxytocin, dopamine and endorphins.
"It also leads to relaxation of your muscles after the intense muscular spasms of orgasm. So technically, climaxing is one of the best forms of achieving a deep, relaxing state.
"From there, you can take to the leap to turning sex into a meditative experience.
"Tantra practitioners have always encouraged people to let go of every other thought and be totally ‘in the moment’ with the sensations during arousal and climax.
"This ‘sexual mindfulness’ is a key part of it becoming like meditation because at the heart of meditation is a complete focus on something that allows you to shut out the world."
How to make sex as stress-busting as possible, according to Dr Spurr
Whether you’re up for flying solo or are with a partner, these tips will help make sex a meditative pleasure:
- To set the stage, keep telling yourself that you deserve sexual pleasure and peace of mind. This positive messaging is important!
- If with a partner, discuss with them before sex about how you want to enjoy all the sensations. Explain it may seem like you’re being ‘quiet’ but that you’re focusing your mind on your physical pleasure.
- Allow time to relax into this experience. Treat this as something that’ll benefit your wellbeing – and feel good.
- Turn off all tech and dim the lights or use candlelight.
- Have everything to hand that you enjoy during masturbation or sex, like massage oil.
- Have a soothing playlist ready if silence isn’t your thing.
- Clear your mind of everything apart from what you’re feeling in that moment.
- If with a partner, suggest putting your hands on each other’s chest or abdomen to get your breathing in sync before foreplay begins.
- As you caress each other, or take turns doing so, feel all of the sensations on your skin.
- Simply enjoy each moment as it comes.
- Finding your individual pleasure-zone which gives you the most sensations – like your clitoris – and focus on that. Some might find that too intense and prefer to vary where they or their partner touches.
- Don’t fret if you get distracted, as with all meditation just relax your mind again and get back in the moment.
Meditation and mindfulness have been proven to be good for us
Whether you like doing it or not, meditation has been proven to be good for us - both mentally and physically.
The less stressed we are, the better sex we're bound to have. And the better sex we have, the less stress we're likely to be.
Here are just some of the ways practising zen can improve your life:
1. Stress
Stress is believed to be the health crisis of the 21st century.
How many of feel as though we're run ragged all the time - and how many of find that it leaves us feeling too tired to get down and dirty in the bedroom?
It's no surprise that meditating and slowing everything right down can help with stress and anxiety.
Mental and physical stress ups our levels of the stress hormone cortisol and that can cause inflammation in the body (inflammation is responsible for lots of horrible, chronic illnesses).
An eight-week study showed that when people practised "mindfulness meditation", however, they dramatically reduced their inflammation response. Research has also shown that meditation can help to improve symptoms of IBS, PTSD and fibromyalgia too.
2. Memory
A review of 12 studies found that meditation might slow down age-related memory loss, while increasing attention and mental alertness in older people.
Mediation has also been found to partially improve the memory of people living with dementia.
3. Blood pressure
Stress sends our blood pressure soaring...so it follows that if you actively try to de-stress, you'll be able to bring it down a little.
A study of 996 volunteers found that meditation reduced their blood pressure by about five points.
The experiment was more effective among older volunteers and those who had high blood pressure before the study.
4. Pain control
Scientists from Wake Forest University School of Medicine used MRI scans to observe brain activity as people experienced pain.
Some had gone through four days of mindfulness meditation training, while the others hadn't.
The meditating patients showed increased activity in the parts of the brain known to control pain
5. Sleep
A 2015 study found that meditation can reduce insomnia and total wake time, with scientists concluding that it is "also an effective and accepted treatment for insomnia in older patients".
6. Addiction and
Struggling to give up smoking? Meditation might help. Research has shown that it can help people to learn how to redirect their attention, increase their willpower and control their emotions.
One study found that 19 recovering alcoholics who learnt how to meditate got better at controlling their cravings and craving-related stress.
7. Weight loss
Another review of 14 studies found that mindfulness meditation can also help with controlling food cravings - and so aid weight loss.
It found that participants tend to binge eat less after meditating because the practice helps people to avoid triggers.
MORE ON SEX
So it's not just about improving your sex life - mindfulness can play a massive role in keeping every aspect of your body healthy.
But if you hate meditating, then use sex as a way of slowing down the mind.
The best bit? Sex with your partner is a lot cheaper than buying a meditation app subscription.
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