From rediscovering romance to missing bonding with their children, writers on the dreaded ’empty nest syndrome’ which affected chef Gordon Ramsay
Deidre Sanders, Lorraine Kelly, Tony Parsons and Jane Moore talk about suffering from PTSD – Post Teenager Sadness Disorder
MODERN parents are suffering from a bad case of PTSD – Post Teenager Sadness Disorder.
Last week, even Gordon Ramsay admitted he was struggling to cope with “empty nest syndrome”.
When son Jack, 18, left home for Exeter University, Gordon, went into his son’s room to try on his clothes.
The chef, 51, said: “I sat on the bed thinking, ’Damn bud, I miss you.’”
Here four of our star writers reveal how they coped when their children left the coop.
‘Rediscovered our shared humour’
Despite her busy working schedule Sun agony aunt Deidre Sanders managed to bring up two children over 30 years.
She says: “There are nearly 12 years between our two daughters, so Phoebe was at primary school when her big sister, Susie, left for university. Even so, I sobbed secretly in bed night after night.
“I poured myself into the busy round of activities for Phoebe – swimming, dancing and music lessons.
“By the time she flew the nest I was entitled to collect my pension and Susie (pictured right in 2008 holding son Herbie, with her husband Kingsley, left, Phoebe, Deidre and her husband Rick), was expecting her first baby – so I could move seamlessly to being a grandma.
“That said, when Rick and I were eating supper in a quiet home, we rediscovered our shared sense of humour and swapping opinions without a teenager testing out their views – and our patience.
“Now with time to invest in my own well-being, not just my offsprings, I’ve become a GGG – gym-going granny.”
‘Tough, but you need to let them fly’
When her daughter Rosie, now 24, moved into student accommodation at university in Edinburgh six years ago, Sun columnist Lorraine Kelly recalls putting on a brave face.
She says: “I cried all the way home. Although it was the beginning of her big adventure it was the end of her relying on my husband Steve and I for everything.
“After she graduated and then left to work in Singapore (where she has been for more than two years) I’ve kept her room exactly the same so that it feels that she will come back home any second.
“I miss her but I’m so proud that she had the gumption and confidence to travel and work abroad.
“It was so important we brought her up to be independent, but it didn’t make things any easier when she flew the nest.
“Thank the Lord for WhatsApp video calls. The time difference in Singapore means I can talk to her during her lunch hour when I’m on the way to work early in the morning.
“It’s tough to let your children go, but you need to let them fly.”
‘I missed him immediately and horribly’
Tony Parsons’ son, Robert, left home at 17 – just when a father and a teenage son are clashing antlers at every opportunity.
Tony recalls: “We clashed about everything – the mice that nibbled the uneaten pizza in his room, his indifferent approach to education, the hordes of friends who would descend on our kitchen.
“I helped him get a flat and asked two things – he didn’t burn it down (he was a smoker) and he didn’t bring me home his washing. He packed his bags and moved.
“And I missed him. I missed him immediately and horribly. We had been very close – closer than most dads and sons, because I had brought him up alone from the age of four.
“The traumas of his teenage rebellion had made me forget how much I loved him.
“At 17, he already towered above me so I could not pretend he was still a child.
“But in all the ways that matter, he would always be the baby boy I held in my arms.
“It was only when I looked at the empty nest that I realised how much I loved the bird who had spread his wings and flown.”
MOST READ IN FABULOUS
‘Gave her space to enjoy university’
Jane Moore cried all the way home after dropping eldest daughter Ellie at Manchester University – but her melancholy was short-lived.
Jane says: “Ellie was happy, she was healthy and, most importantly of all, I knew it was a transitional part of her life that wouldn’t last forever and, before I knew it, she’d be back.
“So I snapped out of it and gave her the space to enjoy her experience without worrying how her mum was coping without her. Besides, her younger sister Grace was still at home, so I had plenty of untidiness and dirty washing to keep me occupied.
“When Ellie graduated she found a job in London and now lives just five minutes from the family home and my stepdaughter is just around the corner, too.
“The real test will come when the youngest heads off. She’s nearly 15 and getting much more independent so, in many ways, I’m starting to get an idea of what life will be like when we have a completely empty nest.
“And you know what? I think I’m going to like it.”
- GOT a story? RING The Sun on 0207 782 4104 or WHATSAPP on 07423720250 or EMAIL [email protected]