TOM, we loved your bromance with Joey Essex in the first two series. Are you still in touch?
Very much so! I saw him two days ago and it was like slipping on an old shoe.
He’s enchanting – I get lost in his azure eyes.
Everything about him is incandescent, especially his pearly teeth and coruscating personality!
Did you fancy him?
Oh gosh, is the Pope Catholic?
What’s the worst date you’ve been on?
Oh, I nearly died! I was in a restaurant with a man who was monosyllabic, so I was doing the lion’s share of the talking.
My lamb shank arrived, and I was ravenous. Luckily I hit upon a subject that fascinated him, so he talked while I frantically masticated.
Then he asked me a question and I thought: “I’ve got to swallow this hunk of meat,” but it lodged in my gullet. I went puce and had to do the Heimlich manoeuvre on myself in the loo!
Have you ever been the victim of reverse snobbery?
Yes, but I think it’s justified. People often think that behind my plummy, polysyllabic carapace there probably isn’t much of a brain, and I’m afraid it’s true.
My extensive vocabulary is a thin veil for idiocy.
Can your poshness be a hindrance?
Oh yes, it’s not an aphrodisiac. I think people are quite attracted to me until I start talking. They think they’re getting a jock, then it turns out I’m Mary Poppins!
Have you ever wanted a regional accent?
I find them delicious, but I wouldn’t if I had one. My favourites are southern Irish and Geordie. If there’s a gentleman with one of those, my knees buckle.
You’re so upbeat. Does anything make you angry?
Gosh, yes. I can’t bear ambling, especially on busy pavements – I get very frustrated.
I don’t like cynicism, I hate tyrants and I can’t stand prejudice, or a devil-may-care attitude towards the environment.
What can you tell us about the new series?
A lot of people have hit the third-date mark, so I’m wildly optimistic about everyone going away somewhere at the end of the series.
I can’t tell you where, but I think that would be the most wonderful way to cement these bonds.
Who are you rooting for this series?
Amy Tapper from Gogglebox, as it’s her first time dating and she’s been a sponge for every nugget of advice. I’m certain a real love story is going to evolve.
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Which celebs would you love to see on the show?
I’m desperate to do a senior citizens’ Celebs Go Dating. I’d have all the great dames and gay divorcees. I’d love to see some celeb-on-celeb action – like Maggie Smith and Christopher Plummer!
BTW
- Coruscating = sparkling. Carapace = outer shell. Panglossian = optimistic.
- Tom once appeared on The Voice and has singing lessons when he can.
- He feels lucky to be a “third parent” to his nephew and two godchildren.
Are you seeing anyone right now?
I’m a serial dater. I had a copper recently who was a bit of a mainstay. Unfortunately it’s fizzling, but I’m Panglossian about love, so I have a feeling it’s just around the corner.
- Celebs Go Dating returns to E4 this autumn.
- Thanks to El Pirata ().