Flying was my biggest fear…then I got cancer – I’m grateful it’s taught me to really live life

MY biggest fear in life was flying.

I would physically shake and bolt to the front of a plane at take off, screaming to try and get off.

I've been asked if I'm too drunk to fly at 6am, having necked a few whiskeys just to find the courage to step foot on board.

It's not entirely irrational. A few years ago I was on a plane back from Turkey when it lost cabin pressure.

It was like a scene from a disaster film, gas masks dropped and a smell of burning filled the cabin as the plane plummeted to 10,000 feet to get us out of danger.

From that day flying became my greatest nemesis, the thing I was most afraid of. Until I got cancer.

After hearing the words "stage 4 bowel cancer" uttered 18 months ago, fear took on a whole new meaning for me.

It became more real, I now face a real fear of dying.

Cancer, it turns out, is much more likely to kill me than flying.

I feel like I'm living on borrowed time, with a ticking time bomb inside me.

Three months ago, I was told I was clear of cancer, CLEAR! It's news I never thought I would hear.

But, it means I now live in six-week cycles from scan to scan, fearing the worst.

I'm constantly worrying if there's a new tumour growing inside me, if that ache or pain is cancer or just the after effects of exercising again.

Cancer, it turns out, is much more likely to kill me than flying

And it's not just me being dramatic, there is a really high chance my cancer will return, more a case of when not if, in my case. So it's natural to worry.

But despite the fear, it is nice to feel almost "normal" again.

And in many ways I count my cancer-self lucky, because in spite of the absolute hell I have gone through, cancer has taught me one, very valuable lesson.

I've come to realise the value of living in the here and now.

Of not being scared to push myself, way outside my comfort zone.

To see how life can surprise you, and to embrace where it's taking me.

Last week I did something I never imagined I would ever do...I FLEW A PLANE.

I won't lie, the build up to my day at Goodwood Aviation, was horrendous.

I even got to the point where I thought about playing the "cancer card", and pulling out the day before.

I had to call Lizzie (health editor at The Sun) on my drive there, and say "I can't go through with this".

But when I got there Rob, the flying school manager, clocked me straight away.

He assured me I was in safe hands, showed me how it all worked, then got me in the plane before I could bottle it.

Taking off, I was full of nervous excitement, but was quickly overwhelmed with how amazing it all was.

I actually enjoyed it, definitely helped by the fact I got to fly the plane - I like to be in control!

But more than anything I am proud as punch that I did it, something I never thought I would do and something I've been terrified of for years.

And in a weird way I have cancer to thank for that.

It's what made me say, "f*** it, let's just do this".

It might sound cheesy, but I don't care, before cancer I took "normal" life for granted.

I never appreciated what a blessing it is in life to be scared of things like flying.

We all get stressed about money, getting the balance right, relationships.

But getting ill, really ill, puts everything in perspective.

All I want to do now is live, and so when the odds of that are so low each and every window of time is like a golden nugget, a precious currency to spend well.

Not doing so would be like winning the lottery and spanking it on a night at the casino - leaving you with no memory, no money and a stinking hangover.

I'm petrified of what's around the corner, but I think if I can face one of my biggest fears and fly a plane then I can do anything!