Professor Green, aka Stephen Manderson, talks to Fabulous about relationships, regrets and conquering his demons
STEPHEN Manderson is remembering a time, many years back, when he and a girl he was seeing discovered that she was pregnant.
“It’s a sad story,” he says, talking about it for the first time. “We decided to have an abortion because we didn’t want our child to go through the same stresses we went through growing up. When actually it wouldn’t have because it would have had both of us.
“But we didn’t tell anyone, and almost as soon as we’d done it we realised we regretted it. It stuck with me for a long time afterwards and it still hurts now.”
Stephen, of course, went on to become Professor Green – pioneer in the UK rap scene, acclaimed documentary maker and campaigner on mental health and social issues, as well as going through a high-profile celebrity marriage and subsequent divorce.
“It probably wasn’t the right thing or the right time. But I do still think about it. It’s so important people talk about stuff, because that was a decision borne of us talking to each other but no one else.
Stephen knows more than most about the importance of opening up and finding outlets for personal pain. Over the course of his 34 years, there has been an extraordinary amount of suffering, not least the suicide of his father Peter, which became the subject of his powerful 2015 debut documentary.
Since then, he has been made patron of Calm, the charity that works to prevent male suicide – the biggest cause of death in men under the age of 45.
He has worked hard to raise awareness of mental health, becoming a voice for men in the process and winning a Mind Media Award for Making A Difference.
“I think that there is a real male crisis at the moment where men don’t really understand their place in the world any more,” he says.
“When you look at some of the places I’ve filmed documentaries, they just feel lost because they aren’t the breadwinners.
There’s no bread to win. They’re robbing Peter to pay Paul just to get by, and that’s emasculating.
“When you’re brought up in a certain way and told from being a kid that you’re to grow into a man, and a man is someone who works and provides… where does sensitivity come into all that?
“So it’s the breakdown of communities, it’s unequal education, it’s all the things that we should be standing up for.
But people have lost their voice and their purpose, and that’s when they start identifying with horrible people like Britain First.
That anger and unrest is misdirected. It’s a distraction, a deflection from who they should actually be angry at.”
He believes there’s a clear link between the advent of social media and the rise in mental health issues.
“We’re human beings but we never spend any time being. I know that sounds all peace and love, but I’ve been through a lot of self-exploration recently and it’s the ‘being’ part that we’re missing.
“No one is looking up or around – everyone is looking down at their phones. How do you learn to engage and empathise?
And if you have no empathy, you have no care. It’s just raising a generation of narcissists. And it’s false validation – likes on pictures from people you don’t even know.”
Softly spoken, Stephen is thoughtful, intense and engaging company. After our photo shoot, he plays his new single to the team but bashfully scuttles off around the corner before the track begins (“I can’t watch people listen to my music – I’m not Kanye!”).
He’s driven himself to the shoot today, and doesn’t bat an eyelid at the distinct lack of luxury at the disused warehouse in east London where it’s taking place.
He’s made arrangements for his beloved dogs Frank and Ethel to join us for some of the shots, and even when he refuses to try any of the high-street tailoring on our stylist’s rail, opting to wear the designer tees and jeans he’s brought from home instead, it’s with minimal fuss.
“I’m not scared to say: ‘Do you know what? I don’t really fancy doing that,’” he says later. “But I always say it with a ‘please’ and always politely.”
Brought up by his nan on a Hackney council estate after being abandoned by his teenage parents, Stephen was 24 when his dad killed himself at the age of 43.
Father and son were estranged at the time after a turbulent relationship that had seen his dad flit in and out of his life.
Stephen’s anger and grief would later inspire his biggest hit to date, Read All About It.
He’s still never felt able to watch his BBC3 documentary Suicide And Me.
“It took an awful lot to make that film. I don’t feel like I need to relive that,” he says. “I wanted to understand why my dad did what he did, but I realised very quickly that the only way I really would was if I was in that same situation, and I don’t ever want to bloody be.
“Three out of four male suicide attempts are ‘successful’, because when men make their decision it’s definite, it’s final. And I think men are more violent, and so they use more violent methods. When someone hangs themself like my dad did, unless you catch them in that instant, there’s no saving them – there’s no pumping their stomach.”
Does the traditional stiff upper lip mean men suppress their feelings until they’re so tortured that they can’t see a way out? Are women better at talking?
“Some women are, some women aren’t. But gender stereotypes start from so young. Biologically we’re born a certain way, so a woman will produce one-fortieth of the testosterone that I do. There’s a reason we have strengths and weaknesses, and ideally we are supposed to complement each other. But all too often we don’t.”
He smiles wryly, flashing his Hollywood teeth, slightly incongruous alongside his tattoos and the V-shaped scar from the 2010 bottle attack that nearly killed him.
Stephen is currently single after splitting from his girlfriend of 18 months, model Fae Williams, in April.
Before that came the short-lived love-across-the-class-divide marriage to former Made In Chelsea star Millie Mackintosh.
He says both experiences have made him rethink his approach to relationships.
“There is no such thing as a low-profile relationship, so from now on I’m going to be really, really careful. If I were to get into something now, it would have to stand a chance of going the distance. I’ve got a lot better at ripping the plaster off quickly. I’m not going through years of bickering just because of habit.
“So there will be no more Instagram posts [as a couple] because it doesn’t really benefit me. I guess other parties have benefitted from it…”
He says this, but as recently as last month he found himself in hot water over a now-deleted Instagram post in which he shared a screenshot of Fae’s new boyfriend Dan Crowe, tagging him in the message and writing “when your ex downgrades” followed by a series of laughing emojis.
“I just got fed up,” he says with a shrug. “We had 18 months together and I expected a little bit more respect from her to be honest [Fae had posted about her new relationship with Dan]. I get it because it’s like: ‘Hey, look at me, I’m over it,’ but what it actually says is the opposite.
“The only ‘wrong’ that I did was to leave her, because I couldn’t be with her any more as she was. I just hope she sorts herself out because from the outside it just looks crass, and stupidly I stooped to her level for one post.
It was just a moment of… not madness, but a moment of human. It wasn’t because it hurt me seeing her with someone else, it was because I expected better of her.
“I’ve got a big heart. In the past it’s hurt when that hasn’t been reciprocated, but then all I can do is make better choices. You can’t change people – you either work or you don’t.”
His marriage to Millie lasted a little over two years, ending in divorce in 2016, but it hasn’t put him off getting wed again. However, he says he’ll have children first.
“I think there’s something more sincere about having kids. I’m 34 and I’ve not had a child, and that’s not by mistake. That’s because I’ve never been with someone who I could see becoming the mother of my children, which is quite sad.”
Not even Millie, seemingly.
“I’ve seen through breaking up with a few people how malicious they’ve become, and I’ve been very grateful there hadn’t been children.”
The mistakes his own parents made mean Stephen is determined not to let history repeat itself. He says he has learned how not to be a dad.
“As long as I’m there to make the mistakes,” he says, simply. “I never wanted to be an old dad. I just hope I meet the right person. You have to at least believe in it.”
Ending the relationship with Fae is the latest in a series of sweeping changes he’s made to his life over the last year, which, he says, have left him in a stronger place mentally than ever before.
A hernia operation last year went horribly wrong after an allergic reaction to the mesh used in the surgery left Stephen with pneumonia and a partially collapsed lung, but the recovery time gave him the headspace to reassess his life.
As a result, he had a cull of so-called friends and hangers-on, overhauled his diet, started a fitness regime and cut out drugs and alcohol.
“I had a hell of a long time to lie there and look at the ceiling and work out what was important and what I care about.
“When people around you start slowing you down or enabling negative parts of your character… I remember being in a room full of people who were all off their nut, and you know when you have an internal dialogue with yourself?
It dawned on me that no one was happy in that room. In that second I really saw it, and that was a pivotal moment for me. So I took myself away from it all. I don’t miss the scene and I don’t miss the people.
“I’ve removed the toxicity, some of which came from people, some of which came from [my] behaviour.”
Another big shift came when, after years of resisting antidepressants to help his mental health issues, he began a course of SSRIs.
“I actually feel like a bit of an idiot for not trying them sooner. They don’t work for everyone, but exercising, behaving better, sleeping well, spending my time with good people – they sound like really obvious things to do, but they’ve made my life so much easier and so much better.
“Alcohol and antidepressants don’t work well together so it’s made it easier to stop drinking, which is quite nice.
“I don’t know if I’m gonna be on antidepressants forever, but I do know that I’m gonna give them a proper chance to work. They’ve made it really easy for me to make decisions – the ‘noise’ that I used to have has gone.
They’re not happy pills or numbing, but they give me clarity.”
Fave platform?
Instagram – a picture tells a thousand words. Twitter is just full of nasty Normans. Everyone is so negative.
Funniest Tweeter?
James Blunt, but he’s a prick cos he followed me and I said: “Oh my god, James Blunt follows me!” And then he unfollowed me. So f**k James Blunt!
Last DM
From a guy called Luke at City Canine who reached out and sent me the most brilliant video of my dog Arthur.
Social media: good or evil?
It’s brilliant because sometimes it’s so informative, but it depends on where you look. It’s not a one-word answer.
This calmer spell has also brought on an unexpected wave of creativity.
“For a long time I would do things that were self- destructive because I was used to using that pain to drive my creativity. It’s that stupid clichéd tortured artist thing. But I’ve realised that I don’t need it.
I’m writing the best songs I’ve ever written, doing the best work behind the scenes on the next documentaries I’m making and coming up with ideas left, right and centre. And it actually all comes from just a few changes in my life.
“I never got carried away with the bulls**t. I’ve never been a fan of it. I don’t like that side of the industry, going out, shaking hands, drinking free alcohol.”
He’s realistic enough to concede that he probably will take drugs again at some point.
“I’m going to Houghton Festival later this year and I’ll be at Glastonbury next year…”
He raises an eyebrow.
“I’m not gonna sit here and say I’m a perfect human and I’ll never smoke or have a spliff again, because I probably will. But I think you pick your moments. If you mean to enhance not escape, then I think it’s fine.”
New single Count On You is out later this month and will be followed next year by his first album since 2014. He’s also breaking into acting, with a starring role opposite Miriam Margolyes in crowdfunded movie Ethel, which focuses on Alzheimer’s disease. A new three-part documentary series is also in the pipeline.
“I would describe myself as free. I’ve got singles from now until next year, and it’s the best stuff I’ve written, and it’s a genuine excitement building.
“It’s just having the freedom that comes with not being consumed by bulls**t. I feel like for the first time in a long, long while, I’m really genuinely happy.”
