Why it is time for brides to take the mic and have their say on the day
With Meghan planning to give a speech when she marries Prince Harry at Windsor, writer Eimear O’Hagan, 36, explains why women should get loud and proud on their wedding day
WITH Meghan planning to give a speech when she marries Prince Harry, writer Eimear O’Hagan, 36, explains why women should get loud and proud on their big day.
‘Standing up, I felt my heart pounding as I looked out at the crowd of 170 expectant faces. I cleared my throat and glanced down at the neatly typed notes clasped in my sweaty palms, took a deep breath and leaned towards the microphone.
It was my wedding day, and after insisting on tradition up until then – including being given away by my father and wearing white – I was about to break with it and give my own speech.
I’d seen a few raised eyebrows when the best man announced I’d be the next member of the wedding party to speak, and I wasn’t surprised.
This was 2014, and it was still pretty unusual for a bride to do anything but sit at the top table and look pretty.
In fact, I’d never been at a wedding where the bride had spoken.
When Meghan Markle marries Prince Harry next weekend, it’s expected that she’ll become the first royal bride to ever speak at her wedding.
But to be honest, I’d have been stunned if she didn’t.
She’s a confident, independent woman who has addressed the UN.
Of course she’s not going to be a silent bride.
From the moment I’d started planning my wedding to Malcolm, 36, I knew I wanted the opportunity to say my own thank-you to my parents, who paid for the big day, and to all the family and friends who’d travelled to my hometown of Belfast to celebrate, as well as tell Malcolm how much I loved him.
Most importantly, as a feminist, I didn’t want to begin married life being spoken for by a man.
How could I insist on a marriage founded on equality if, on day one, I was happy to act like a mute handmaid?
Admittedly, I was unsure how Malcolm would react.
Would he feel emasculated? Thankfully, he thought it was a great idea.
After all, of the two of us, I’ve always been the outspoken one, and he knew I wouldn’t stay silent on the most important day of my life.
My mum Joan, 62, was also enthusiastic.
When she married in the ’70s, brides were strictly seen and not heard, and she was proud I wanted to flout that custom.
A few friends, however, were less than positive. ‘What if you get really nervous and muck it up? You’ll regret it,’ said one. ‘Are you sure you won’t break down? There’s nothing worse than a blubbing bride,’ warned another.
Of course I had the jitters, but their doubts just spurred me on.
According to Julia Braime, editor in chief of Unveiled magazine and founder of the blog Brides Up North, it’s becoming increasingly common for brides to take the mic.
‘This growing trend is indicative of the “your day, your way” attitude couples are taking towards their wedding day in general,’ she explains.
‘The focus now is on what feels right for them, not what custom dictates.
There’s no right or wrong, it’s totally up to the individual and what they feel comfortable doing on the day.’
Since my own wedding day, I’ve been to countless nuptials.
The bride has spoken at a few of them, and their reasons have ranged from the practical to the emotional.
For one friend, Rachel, it was about wanting to make a personal tribute to her grandmother, who had paid for her wedding dress but died just weeks before the big day.
Another friend, Sally, knew her shy father would be incredibly nervous, so she eased his burden by asking him to do a very short speech, while she spoke for longer.
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As for my outspoken mate Anna, it was simply about being true to herself.
‘I’m not normally a quiet, submissive woman, so why pretend to be that on my wedding day?’ she laughed.
Interestingly, not one of the brides I know who gave a speech regrets it, but a few who didn’t give one now wish they had, either because they were disappointed with their father or husband’s efforts or because on reflection they had things of their own to say and in hindsight would have liked to.
Thankfully, my wedding speech went without a hitch.
There were laughs, tears and even applause, and when it was over I sat down again, weak at the knees with relief.
I’ll be the first to admit that addressing your wedding guests is beyond nerve-wracking, but did I regret my decision?
Not for one second – and neither will Meghan.”