‘It’s time to grow up and accept your responsibilities – before it’s too late’… an open letter to Cheryl and Liam Payne, from a relationship expert
DEAR Cheryl and Liam,
I was so distressed to hear rumours of your impending split. Like millions of others, who loved the story of how you first met, then got together many years later, we disregarded the age gap and wished you every happiness in your relationship.
You are so well suited – both from humble beginnings and both thrust into the musical spotlight via reality TV shows, it seemed that you really “got” each other and would provide each other the understanding and support, as a couple, for the crazy and unpredictable world that being a public figure in celebrity la-la land brings with it.
Never a couple to flaunt your relationship, you kept it under wraps for a long time and when you did reveal it to the world, you looked so adorable together and very much in love.
Cheryl, you especially had a tough time with relationships before Liam, and it was especially heartwarming to see you glowing with genuine happiness.
And then along came Bear – your much longed for first baby – and it really did seem that at long last, you had the perfect family that you yearned for.
But now it all seems to be going so wrong. With your beautiful baby, not yet a year old, the stress and strain of a showbiz relationship seems to be putting you under extreme pressure, with you Cheryl seemingly frustrated being the lone parent at home, while Liam is travelling the world pursuing his pop career.
All relationships go through major changes when a new baby comes along. However delighted you are to welcome them into the world, they will always deeply affect the couple dynamic that you are used to.
They bring huge responsibility and disruption, as well as draining all that energy you used to have for partying and socialising. All couples have to learn to adapt to this new way of life, acknowledge that it is a long-term change and try their hardest not to let it affect their love for each other, other than in a truly positive way.
While we can choose to overlook the 10-year age gap, it is unusual, and will have some part to play in the situation you find yourself in now.
While Cheryl, you sowed your wild oats musically speaking in your twenties and Liam found fame in his teens, he feels it’s now his time to continue to pursue his career, while you in your mid-thirties can take a break from performing and do the lion’s share of bringing up your baby.
But whatever the age difference – or the stage in your professional life – you both made a commitment to have a baby together and bring him up, so that he had a normal a life as possible, under the circumstances, and would both share his care and well-being as equally as you can.
Are you so immature, Liam, that you have forgotten that commitment?
Are you bored of being a young dad now? Overwhelmed by the responsibility? Do you feel that if you don’t go out and get on with your career now, you may not have another opportunity later down the line?
Liam, it happens – once the honeymoon period of being a new and young dad is over, especially when you have been catapulted into overnight fame in one of the biggest bands in the world at a very young age – that feeling of restlessness and enthusiasm to pursue your career.
But – and it’s a big but – what about Cheryl?
Just 34 years old, with a number of difficult and poor relationships behind her, she must have felt that falling in love with you and having a baby was a dream come true. But she will be feeling increasingly frustrated and resentful that yet another man seems to have abandoned her and “forgotten” his commitment to her - and this time to his baby as well.
You will have had this conversation.
You will have reassured her that you will be there for her and Bear and do your share of child care as well as spending as much time together as a family as possible.
But now you appear to be putting yourself and your needs first.
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This is a time to spend together, trying to work your situation out before it’s too late. I get that you are eager to continue your musical career, but there needs to be a compromise in your travelling versus being with your family, and fast – it’s not even like you actually need to earn any more money!
These early days with a young baby are so precious, Liam. Don’t lose them and sabotage your relationship in the process. I urge you to grow up, try and understand life from Cheryl’s perspective, call off the lawyers and gather every bit of maturity that you have to make a real effort to work things out. I wish you both all the luck in the world.
Love, Jo x
