We know that Santa is an overweight alcoholic but Rudolph, the Tooth Fairy and the Grinch aren’t doing much better either
Therapist Emma Kenny believes the Tooth Fairy may be a drug addict, the Easter Bunny may be struggling with hyperactivity, and Rudolph the Reindeer has a stress disorder
SANTA has had a telling-off from a doctor for overdoing the mince pies and sherry — but compared to the Tooth Fairy he is a model of healthy self-restraint.
Following the warning by Professor Helen Stokes- Lampard, chairwoman of the Royal College of GPs, that Father Christmas is an overweight alcoholic, The Sun consulted a psychologist about the well-being of other notable kids’ figures.
And therapist Emma Kenny has some bad news — she believes the Tooth Fairy may be a drug addict and Rudolph the Reindeer has a stress disorder.
Here she reveals her disturbing diagnoses.
TOOTH FAIRY
Her hyperactive nature and the fact she buzzes around all night suggests narcotic abuse.
This has developed due to the fact cocaine used to be prescribed for toothache. She also has impulse control disorder, or pathological generosity. This is brought on by frontal lobe damage, possibly from colliding with pillows.
EASTER BUNNY
Behind his happy exterior exists an addictive personality, with a chronic chocolate fixation.
He also has a hyperactive disorder. Rabbits that overindulge often become obese and get diabetes. However constant hopping around different gardens has so far allowed him to get away with stuffing his face.
THE GRINCH
His terrible behaviour stems from the fact he has an Oppositional Defiant Disorder. This leads to aggressive outbursts and an angry demeanour.
A sociopathic condition is most likely what led to his attempt to steal Christmas.
MAN IN THE MOON
Clearly suffers from anxiety and depression caused by the loneliness.
He could also be at risk of developing Alzheimer’s after spending so much time on his tod.
THE BOGEYMAN
He has classic symptom of heliophobia, or fear of bright light.
Sadly, this has led to a skeletal deformity and a bad case of rickets.
Both were brought on by a Vitamin D deficiency caused by a lack of sunlight.
A holiday to Tenerife would do him the world of good.
RUDOLPH
Poor Rudolph’s bright red nose is a clear sign that he is suffering from a stress disorder.
Years of flying presents through the sky has taken its toll on his mental well-being.
Meanwhile, the heavy load and cold winds might bring on hypothermia.
Inflamed blood vessels on his nose may also be a sign he has a secret addiction to mulled wine.
RUDOLPH NOT SUCH A RED NOSE
RUDOLPH the Red-Nosed Reindeer may have had a very shiny nose but those of horses and donkeys are shinier.Researchers viewed the faces of 74 animals through a thermal imaging camera.
Donkeys topped the shiny nose league table, with their conks an average 23C warmer than their surroundings.Reindeer noses were eighth shiniest at 12C.
Lion’s noses are the coldest at -5C below the air around, the study by Lund University in Sweden reveals.Prof Ronald Kroger said: “Rudolph’s nose is, in reality, faintly pinkish in cold weather because of all the warm blood pumped through it.”
BRIGHTEST NOSES
1. Donkey 23C, 2. Horse 20C, 3. Sika deer 19C, 4. Alpaca 20C, 5. Sheep 20C, 6. Zebra 18C, 7. Elk 17C, 8. Reindeer 12C
DULLEST NOSES
1. Lion -5C, 2. Giant otter -3C, 3. Dwarf Mongoose -1C, 4. European hedgehog 0C, 5. Jaguar 0C, 6. Domestic dog 1C, 7. Red fox 5C, 8. African Wild dog 6C
MOST READ IN FABULOUS
PETER PAN
Obsession with hanging out with children shows that he suffers from an excessive fear of ageing, which is known as gerascophobia.
This was most likely caused by a childhood trauma and he might well also suffer from separation anxiety, which is probably why he spends so much time with Tinkerbell.