Our unlucky-in-love Sun girl juggles two dates this week — but still cannot close the deal on sex
It has been four months since Tinderella spent the night with Thrustinator, and her craving for sex is growing
BRITAIN has gone batty for online dating – but can you really find love at the touch of a button?
This week, Tinderella is juggling two men . . . but still not getting any action.
ERM, we need to talk about sex. It’s been four months since my night with the Thrustinator and the cobwebs are setting in.
I wanted to with the Italian Stallion but I couldn’t bring myself to shag a man I can’t speak to.
And the Saga Holidays hottie was a definite contender until Pantsgate ruined our vibe.
Clearly all it takes is one decent date to go from dry spell to wet patch.
I just can’t seem to close the deal at the moment – and I think online dating is partly to blame.
Tired of delicious studs who never call me, I’ve tried to put looks to the back of the queue in my search for Mr Foreverandeverandever.
But that just means I keep having “nice” dates with “lovely” men I don’t want to bone.
Take Gid. We went to see Thor: Ragnarok on Sunday and it was a great date. Silly but lolz film followed by silly but lolz drinks at the pub and he told me he “really likes me”.
I was chuffed but I ended up hoping he wouldn’t kiss me.
This is NOT how I want my dates to go. I want to howl with laughter, then straddle the lucky fella in a public place and snog while people stare in disgust.
I want to be ravished on a busy train platform while horrified commuters shield their children’s eyes and summon the Transport Police.
In short, I want wanton passion. But all I am getting is gristle kisses and Gid’s cashmere-clad paunch.
I know this makes me a bitch and is scuppering my chances for a lasting relationship. But poor Gid just doesn’t do it for me.
And like most women, I struggle to want sex from a man I’m not that into.
You know those women who find sweet, reliable men give them the horn?
I’m not one of them. Right now I’m longing for charismatic, funny and sexually precocious.
So I might just fall off my perch for a few weeks to scratch the itch that’s threatening to derail cuffing season.
I’m obviously enjoying “me time” when the urge takes me, but I miss the post-orgasm slump, satisfied chat and a man to curl up against.
And I’m pretty sure my neighbours could do with a break too.
In short, I need actual sex. Soon. Can you please email me with suggestions of where I can find some?
In other news, Grim-Faced Graham and I have a date tomorrow.
Please don’t let him be wearing his Lycras.
