We ask three people caught up in a romance v ‘bromance’ triangle if it is threatening their relationships
A new study shows that men are more satisfied with their best mate than they are with their girlfriend and experts warn it could threaten relationships
GETTING cosy on the sofa, cooking dinner together and confiding in one another.
These may sound like the actions of a loved-up couple but they are also becoming the habits for men in a true “bromance”.
According to a study by the University of Winchester, men are more satisfied by the bond with their best mate than they are with their girlfriend.
So could the rise of the bromances threaten long-term heterosexual relationships, as the experts warn?
GEORGETTE CULLEY speaks to three people caught up in a romance v bromance triangle.
The boyfriend
ELLIOTT DAVIS, 26, from Kingsbury, North West London, knows he should give his girlfriend Deirdre more attention.
Primary school teacher Elliott has been friends with Koby for three years and they used to live together in Kentish Town, North London, until last month. Elliott says:
"Koby played in a band I loved. I used to go and watch him and we bonded over music.
If I’m honest I actually idolised him – he’s a very good guitarist.
The more I got to know him, the more we liked each other.
I met Deirdre through Koby at our house-warming party six months ago. I don’t think he wanted me to get into a relationship and he was surprised when it happened.
I moved out a month ago to be closer to work but we are still inseparable. We’ve just got back from a week at Oktoberfest in Germany.
We went as part of a big group of friends but Koby stayed in the same hotel as Deirdre and I.
Deirdre had to go home early for work but I stayed out with Koby. I think she was a bit jealous and felt like she was missing out.
Generally, I see Deirdre throughout the week and Koby at the weekends. It’s a bit like having two partners.
Sometimes Deirdre will come along and have dinner with us and other times she’ll just leave us alone.
I’ve upset her quite a bit by choosing to hang out with Koby over her.
One night Koby and I even shared a sneaky kiss. Of course, we were messing around but I think it was getting annoying for Deirdre.
I tell Koby everything because I trust him. There are times when I put him first because I need to speak to him.
I talk to Koby about health concerns I’m worried about. As a man, he can properly relate.
We also talk about our goals and dreams. Koby and I share the same five-year plan. We both want to write a show so we often discuss our script.
When I move in with Deirdre next year we will be away from him. I will feel the distance and I don’t want to think about it.
I’m looking forward to spending more time with Deirdre and I will try to put her first."
The girlfriend
DEIRDRE KELLY, 30, from Kentish Town, North West London, says she “feels like a third wheel” in her relationship with Elliott. The pair have been together for six months after meeting through pal Koby.
Legal secretary Deirdre says:
"I do not have a problem with their bromance but there are times when I feel just like a neglected girlfriend.
Sometimes we’ll go for lunch as a three and they are sharing so many in-jokes that I can’t keep up.
There have been a few times when I’ve been very frustrated.
For example, there was one occasion I had to stay in because I was ill and Elliott went out with Koby and left me at home.
He will say he’s just “going for one” but he won’t be home for hours.
I’ve told him, “I’m your girlfriend and you need to put me first, not your friend.”
It was worse when they lived together. Elliott and I would be watching a film and Koby would burst in and take over.
He would change the film and say: “We are watching this now.”
Other times Elliott would cook dinner for us both and we would have a three-way date.
The pair talk all day, every day. If you are a girlfriend stuck in the middle of a serious bromance you have to set strict boundaries.
I tell Elliott that he cannot text Koby when we are trying to enjoy one-on-one time.
But you can’t tell boys what to do. You have to roll with it but pull them up on the bad stuff – like when he was hungover for my birthday because he’d been out all night partying with Koby.
It is easy to blame female friends for coming between relationships but I think male friends really are just as bad.
I’m lucky I like Koby and enjoy his company but sometimes it would be nice to be number one."
The best mate
KOBY GEDDES, 34, feels no guilt about his close friendship with Elliott. The content marketer, who lives in Hackney, East London, says:
"I don’t steal Elliott away from Deirdre – I’m the one at risk of her stealing him away from me.
I don’t feel guilty that I spend a lot of time with him or crash their date nights. If it wasn’t for me, they wouldn’t have met.
I was a bit disappointed when a romance started blossoming between them.
That wasn’t because I don’t like Deirdre but because I was looking forward to our adventure living together as single guys. But six weeks after moving in, he decided to shack up with her.
We had made grand travel plans but these went out of the window when they became an item. I thought their romance would be short-lived but they’re still going strong.
I really like Deirdre and she puts up with a lot.
But it’s Elliott who’s mainly to blame for our bromance.
I miss him when he’s not around but he misses me more. He looks for excuses to see me.
I’ve been single for about a year now. Worryingly, my friendship with Elliott is the most successful relationship that I’ve had for a few years.
But I’d have to go out with a girl who understood our relationship.
If she didn’t like our friendship, it would become a huge issue and I’d have to show her the door.
If we are out together and they are being affectionate, I tell them to tone it down a bit.
Deirdre often tells us off too if we are being too much.
None of us like to think we are the third wheel but Deirdre and I both feel it at times.
But despite it all, I wouldn’t change things."
Celebrity best buddies
CHRIS HUGHES, 22, and KEM CETINAY, 21, met this summer on ITV2’s Love Island where they hit it off and even talked of “coupling up”.
THE ultimate bromance is between TV’s favourite duo ANT, 41, and DEC, 42.
They met on kids’ show Byker Grove in 1989 — inseparable since.
SPENCER MATTHEWS and JAMIE LAING, both 28, were friends before Made In Chelsea.
No fall out ever stops them kissing and making up.
COMEDY actors SETH ROGEN, 35, and JAMES FRANCO, 39, worked together many times, including on The Interview and This Is The End.
NOTORIOUS bachelor LEONARDO DiCAPRIO, 42, has become best mates with recently divorced TOBEY MAGUIRE, 42.
It can feel threatening
By Sun Relationship Expert Dr Pam Spurr
A BROMANCE runs much deeper than popping for a pint with mates. There is no longer the stigma of being physically and emotionally connected to male friends.
With young men more likely to commit suicide than any other group, we should see a bromance in a positive light.
But this can feel threatening if you’re in a relationship, especially if you find out he’s disclosing things to his mates before you.
Firstly, keep calm about a developing bromance. Plan your diaries to make time for all your relationships. When you see your best girlfriend, he sees his bromance buddy. Make sure you factor in times when it’s just the two of you enjoying being coupled up – and times when all three of you hang out together.
Compromise needs to come from all parties.
