From tough physical symptoms to mood swings and even ‘better sex lives’, we speak to three women to uncover the truth about the menopause
Menopause is a natural part of ageing, which usually happens when a woman is between 45 and 55
IT'S something every woman will face, yet two-thirds of us refuse to speak to our GP about the menopause.
Today marks World Menopause Day, which aims to raise awareness about the management and understanding of the changes women face when they go through it.
When daytime TV star Lorraine Kelly, 58, opened up about her experience on air last year, her honesty sparked a tidal wave of support on social media.
“I felt absolutely down and I couldn’t put my finger on it,” she admitted.
According to menopause expert Dr Louise Newson, many women don’t talk about it because they’re embarrassed, while others refuse to accept that they’re getting older. “But we need to start viewing the menopause as a transition, not an ending,” she explains. “It’s time for attitudes to change.
This is a natural, new phase in our lives and it can be very liberating.”
The menopause made me suicidal
Lorraine Hegarty
Here, three women reveal how they changed during “the change”.
Mum-of-two and midwife Lorraine Hegarty, 55, lives in Reading, Berkshire, with her husband John, 56, a lawyer.
“After giving birth to my daughters in my 20s, I had a hysterectomy at 30 for medical reasons, so I knew I’d go through the menopause early. When it did hit, in my mid-40s, it was like a freight train.
"The physical symptoms were tough – I had hot flushes and night sweats – but the impact on my mental health was disastrous. At first, I just felt down, but soon I was struggling to get out of bed in the morning and I’d spend my evenings drinking my way through a bottle of wine and comfort-eating chocolate. My libido nose-dived and I’d often find myself in tears for no reason. John was very supportive, but I knew he didn’t really understand.
"In 2010, a few weeks after the symptoms had started, I went to see my GP, who gave me HRT. But I quickly stopped the medication as it gave me a painful skin rash. Instead I tried herbal treatments, as well as changing my diet.
"For a few months, I stayed on top of my health, but my lifestyle – long hours as a midwife plus fitting in time to see my daughters Carla, 32, and Emma, 31 – meant I drifted back to drinking and depression. I struggled most at work, where I was reluctant to open up to colleagues in case they thought I wasn’t coping.
"Then one day towards the end of 2014, I had a really stressful shift at work and something snapped. "Suddenly, suicidal thoughts were racing through my mind and I imagined getting in the car and driving it off the road. I was terrified to go home, because John was away and I knew I might harm myself. In the end, I drove to the beach and called a friend, who chatted things through with me.
"After that, I knew I had to take the menopause seriously. My doctor prescribed antidepressants and I started following menopause expert Maryon Stewart’s natural programme, involving taking fish oil and omega-7, following a healthy diet with lots of soya – which can help balance oestrogen levels – and mindfulness.
"I’m now post-menopausal, but I still watch my diet and take supplements, which alleviates my symptoms. I love my work, and no longer take antidepressants. It can be tough hearing other women say they barely have any menopausal symptoms, but we need to be able to discuss the subject and acknowledge that it affects us all in different ways. The menopause is nothing to be ashamed of.”
My sex life is better than ever
Monica Troughton
Mum-of-two and writer Monica Troughton, 66, lives in Warwickshire with her husband David, 66, an interior designer.
“Like most women, I dreaded the menopause. I’d been told I’d lose my sex drive and get horrific mood swings. I was convinced I’d turn into a sweaty old crone overnight. So when I started getting hot flushes and insomnia at just 36, I went straight to my doctor, who told me I wasn’t menopausal.
"However, because my auntie went through the menopause very early, I wanted a second opinion and booked an appointment at a private clinic. There, I was diagnosed as borderline perimenopausal and prescribed HRT patches. I was shocked that I was going through ‘the change’ before turning 40, but I’d already had two children, Kate, now 37, and Lucy, 39, so I wasn’t too upset about losing my fertility.
"I was determined to stave off all the symptoms.I was so afraid of, but not only did the patch make no difference, it was also a real hassle. It kept falling off, and one night I even woke up to find it on my husband’s back! So after three months I stopped wearing it, and to my amazement nothing terrible happened.
"My hot flushes and sleep problems eased over time, and it wasn’t until my mid-50s that I actually went through the menopause. However, rather than the hellish experience I expected, it was fantastic.
"At 56, my periods had begun to peter out, so I went to see my GP and she confirmed it was the change, but I declined HRT because I’d hated it last time.
"I prepared myself for an onslaught of horrible symptoms, but instead I started looking and feeling better than I’d done in years. I’d always suffered terrible PMS as well as migraines and agonising period pains, which made my life miserable. But without periods, I felt more energised. I was more enthusiastic about life and became more self-assured.
"I did watch my diet carefully and took supplements, such as vitamin E and geranium oil, as well as cutting back on red wine, because it seemed to intensify my hot flushes. By 58, I’d dropped two dress sizes to a size 10 and my confidence soared as everyone around me kept telling me how well I looked. "Plus, losing weight and not having periods meant my sex life was better than ever.
"With all my extra energy, I felt really liberated, and in 2010 I quit my job in teaching to start writing – something I’d always wanted to do. I’ve now written a book about the menopause, as well as co-writing a comedy show about love and sex in middle age.
"I’m enjoying being older – there’s a peace and self- assurance that comes with age. Women are told
the menopause is the beginning of the end, but it made me realise that I only have one life, and I have to live it the way I want.”
I thought I had Alzheimer's
Katie Taylor
Mum-of-four and blogger Katie Taylor, 49, lives in north-west London with her husband Hugh, 52, a hotelier, and their children.
“I’ve always been an upbeat person, but after turning 43, I suddenly found myself feeling very flat and constantly tired. At the time, I just put it down to juggling motherhood – I’m mum to Ellie, 20, Josh, 19, Sam, 16, and Joe, 14 – and a full-time marketing career.
"But as the months rolled by, my mood slipped lower and lower. I stopped socialising and started comfort-eating, ballooning from 9st and a size 8 to a size 16 in the space of a year.
"I lost my confidence and no longer liked how I looked. My love life suffered because my libido was non-existent and I just wanted to hide my body. I didn’t want to believe I was depressed, but I knew something was wrong. I confided in Hugh, who was so supportive, but he didn’t know how to fix me either.
"It wasn’t until the summer of 2013 when I finally asked my GP for help. I’d gone away with my family to Italy and, although I usually adored holidays, I felt so anxious the whole time that I just wanted to go home. Everything in my life was amazing, but I didn’t feel happy.
"My doctor diagnosed me with mild depression and prescribed antidepressants. For a little while, I felt better, but it didn’t last long. Soon, my low moods returned and I started experiencing hot flushes and brain fog. I’d forget words mid-sentence or become incoherent.
"By now, I was beside myself with worry that I might have Alzheimer’s, and my husband was equally concerned. I confided in my dad, a breast cancer specialist, and he put me in touch with a gynaecologist colleague for an appointment to find out if I was menopausal.
"The thought had never crossed my mind – I was only in my 40s and was still having periods. But after a blood test a few weeks later, I was diagnosed as perimenopausal and prescribed HRT. I was shocked, but when the specialist explained the symptoms, everything made sense. I’d never realised that feeling depressed or forgetful were symptoms of the menopause.
"Within months of taking HRT, I felt like myself again, and I gradually stopped taking the antidepressants.Slowly, my confidence returned. I started socialising more, eating better and exercising, and I dropped to 11st and a size 14. Plus, the spark came back into my marriage – Hugh even commented that he had the old Katie back!
"I’ve since changed to an HRT patch and I feel better than ever. Being perimenopausal is tough, but it’s opened up new horizons for me. I’ve now quit my job and launched a Facebook group called The Latte Lounge, where women can discuss menopause symptoms and other issues. We have more than 7,000 members, and speaking to other women has made me realise that I’m not alone.
"I suffer from adenomyosis, which causes heavy periods and fluid retention, so in November I’m having a full hysterectomy. I know that will throw me right into the menopause, but I’ve come to terms with it and I’m ready to embrace this next stage in my life.”
THE MENOPAUSE: WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
- When can you expect it to start? It usually occurs between the ages of 45 and 55, with the average being 51.
- What are the physical symptoms? Most women experience hot flushes, tiredness, and night sweats caused by declining oestrogen levels. However, others suffer depression, weight gain and even bone fractures.
- How can I help myself? While dietary changes and exercise can help ease symptoms, it's important to see your GP or a menopause specialist, as you may benefit from hormone replacement therapy (HRT).
