Former couple forced to live together after falling victim to ‘Generation Rent’
The exes have been forced to live alongside side each other due to a lack of spare cash preventing them from climbing the property ladder
MOST of us would never want to see our ex again, let alone live with them.
But not everyone has that option.
When Ria Bussey found out her boyfriend of three years, Remy Barron, had cheated, she had no choice but to carry on living with him, as neither could afford to move out.
PR assistant Ria, 22, and digital marketer Remy, 27, from Market Harborough, Leics, are victims of “Generation Rent”, having no spare cash to help them climb on the property ladder.
After splitting up two months ago, the pair have to spend the next four months living together until their housing contract is up.
Here, they tell GEORGETTE CULLEY all about the difficulties of living with an ex.
Ex-girlfriend Ria says
MY world went into meltdown when I found out Remy had been cheating. We’d been together for three years and lived together for six months.
Everything had been perfect between us.
We met on Tinder and he soon became my best friend as well as my lover.
But when I received a message from a girl I didn’t know saying my boyfriend had been cheating, I couldn’t believe it.
Heartbreakingly, they’d been sexting each other and he’d invited her over to our house four times while I was on holiday.
He even told her we’d split up years ago and I was just an ex.
It was devastating. I felt too embarrassed to tell family and friends what had happened.
I told him to sleep in the spare room
I immediately broke up with him but we’d just signed the lease renewal to our flat, meaning I was tied into living with him for another six months.
To the outside world we looked like the perfect couple but behind closed doors it was a very different story.
I had moved from Cambridge to be with him so it wasn’t as if I could go home. I had a job and responsibilities.
And neither of us could afford to move into a new property while continuing to pay the rent and bills for somewhere we were no longer living in. I felt trapped.
As he’s messed up, I get to call the shots around the house.
Luckily, we live in a two-bedroom house so I told him to sleep in the spare room on the airbed while I have the bedroom.
If I want to watch the TV in the living room, he watches Netflix on his laptop in the kitchen or upstairs.
In the past, he would help with household chores or fix something that was broken in the house.
But now he’ll refuse because he’s “not my boyfriend”.
The weekdays are bearable as he spends most evenings at the gym to escape the atmosphere, but the weekends are the worst.
We used to wake each other up with a lovely cup of tea on a Saturday morning. Now we shuffle around the kitchen not talking and avoiding eye contact.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget we’ve split up too.
A few weeks ago, we were cooking in the kitchen and talking about work.
In that moment I forgot we weren’t together as we weren’t arguing and we ended up kissing before I realised it was a huge mistake.
I felt sad after and disappointed in myself. It would never happen if we weren’t living together but you can’t stay angry at someone 24/7.
I can’t wait for the next few months to be over so I can get a clean break.
Ex-boyfriend Remy says
RIA and I broke up on the day the lease was being renewed after she found the messages.
I was devastated, but it was my fault. I’d made a drunken mistake and had cheated on her – the other girl didn’t mean anything.
Initially, I wanted to patch things up but now I’ve accepted we are over.
It’s tough living together while being apart.
All the old memories are in the house and sometimes I forget we’ve split up.
Practically, it’s a nightmare too.
I’m sleeping on a blow-up bed as Ria took the bedroom but we both use the spare room as it’s where the wardrobe is, so every morning I get woken up by the sound of the hairdryer.
Neither of us is allowed are allowed to bring anyone home or talk about it
Because I was in the wrong, I get the raw deal in terms of where I can spend time in the house.
I love cooking and am used to cooking for two people.
I don’t want to be petty so if I’ve made enough food for two, I’ll leave some for her but we don’t eat together.
The other night I returned home drunk and accidentally ate her crisps.
She was furious and has now separated our food and said: “This is my cupboard, that’s yours.”
We have strict rules when it comes to dating.
Neither of us are allowed to bring anyone home or talk about it.
I would not be happy if I came home and there was another bloke upstairs. The feelings are still raw.
I came home after a night out and Ria saw a message on my phone from an unsaved number, saying: “Nice to see you.”
She presumed it was from another girl and threw mouthwash in my face.
But it was actually from a male mate I hadn’t seen for a while.
At the time I was annoyed. She’s not my girlfriend so technically it’s not any of her business what I get up to.
But I wouldn’t like it if it was the other way round so I do understand.
It’s hard on both of us. I try to curb drinking now, as it angers Ria.
I try to be civil but we still have huge arguments, even though we’ve been split up for eight weeks.
I can’t afford to move out and this house is only two miles from work so it’s very convenient.
When the tenancy agreement is up, I plan on staying here and finding someone to move in.
Ria will be moving out when she gets her deposit back. I’m not dating anyone else at the moment.
Three years is a long time and I need a break.
Right now, I just want to get through the next four months as smoothly as possible.
I’m basically a guest in my own home.
Keep it home sweet home with the ex
THE Sun’s psychologist Dr Pam Spurr says: “Extortionate housing costs mean more and more couples are forced to continue living together after they’ve split.
“Although the situation is far from ideal, there are some things you can do to ease the tension around the house.”
Here are Dr Pam’s top tips for successfully living with an ex.
Make a rota: Agree on a system for household chores and admin. Pin the rota to the fridge and stick to it. You’ve had enough pain, so dig deep and behave like adults.
Resist confrontation: While it might be tempting to make digs at each other, try to hold back. Passive-aggressive behaviour is likely to lead to a full-blown row. If you have kids, it can be highly destructive for them to hear you criticising each other.
Don’t bring new partners home: This is a huge no-no. It’s disrespectful and awkward for everyone involved. Go to your new partner’s house – but be discreet about it.
Stay off social media: You want a happy home, don’t you? So don’t rub your ex’s nose in your new relationship. It will lead to jealousy, resentment and arguments. Save the happy snaps for when you’ve moved out.
CHEAT SHEET The 12 signs of cheating to look out for, according to body language expert Judi James – including changes in their voice and manspreading…
Live like flatmates: Treat them as if they were a stranger you had just moved in with. This means allocating kitchen and bathroom cupboard space for each of you as if you were in a normal flatshare. Stay out of each other’s stuff, too.
Take up a hobby: Wherever possible get out of the house. Whether it’s hanging out with your friends or finding a new pastime, it’ll do wonders for you. Having a breather from each other during this time is a godsend.
