Never use the phrase ‘cheer up’, pack lunchbox treats… the ways to help your kids deal with the ‘back to school blues’
WHILE most parents are secretly waiting to pop open the champers the moment their kids go back through the school gates next week, a lot of kids aren’t as excited.
For some children the prospect of going back to lessons is daunting and the “back to school blues” can be hard for both children and parents.
The Sun Online spoke to child psychologist Sam Wass, from Channel 4's The Secret Life of 4 Year Olds, to get his expert tips on helping your child deal with the transition.
Sam said: “If you have someone who really dreads going back to school the crucial thing is working out why.
“There can be so many different reasons. The holidays tend to be very unstructured every day is very different, things don’t tend to happen at the same time on the holidays.
“But when you go into the school time the day gets much more predictable. It’s regimented and some children like the structure and some children really really hate it.”
Other reasons the child-psychologist suggested for “the blues” included concern about being surrounded by so many people, when they have predominantly spent the holidays with their family.
He said: “So if you have a naturally extrovert child, who gets their energy from being around people – they could love it.
“If you have a naturally more introvert child who finds it tiring to be around other people then that could be something that they really really dread it.”
But whatever the reason Sam stressed the importance of understanding why they are so concerned about the start of the new year.
He said: “It can be really hard to get out of the child what the problem is but it’s really important that you try and get them to explain to you why.”
Easing a child’s concerns before the head back to the classroom can also be an issue but our expert had plenty of tips for parents.
He said: “Children tend to live life in the moment, a lot of children don’t really know how long is left of the holidays or when they’ll be going back to school.
“So they can be on the school holidays and then suddenly they’re back at school.
“Particularly when you’re in the last week of holidays, telling them: ‘you’ve got to go back in five days… three days… etc…’ will help them prepare for it in their head.”
Sam also suggested giving them so home comforts at school to gentle ease them in to the new phase.
He said: “Try giving them some familiar things like in their lunch box, so they have some food they like and recognise from home.”
Another helpful suggestion is to give your child the sense that they are in control of something so the situation doesn’t feel so confusing.
He explained: “Everyone hates feeling out of control and going back to school is a big change in a child’s life that they have no control over and that can make it a more stressful experience.
“But you can help them to feel in control by giving them control of a little thing. Like their lunch box, their stationary and pencil case or an aspect of their physical appearance.”
Expert Sam Wass' advice for parents dropping kids off at school for the first time
- Be aware it’s hard on you
- Try not to project your feelings onto your child
- Don’t torture yourself with the last image you saw of your child as you walked away the majority of times tears last just ten minutes
- Have something nice to do once you’ve dropped them off so you don’t dwell on it
Aside from these practical tips there are a number of ways a child can be emotionally supported too.
Sam said: “Children can experience an emotion like nerves without knowing what it is, so you can see by watching them that they are feeling it without them being aware of it.
“It really helps in terms of helping you to gain control of their feelings just simply by identifying what you’re feeling.
“So verbally labelling a feeling can really help a child with first day nerves.”
But Sam warned against the classic practise of encouraging children to keep their chin up and telling them to “just be happy”.
He explained that the classic pit-fall feels like a natural response but can actual cause the infant to be more upset in the long term.
Sam Wass' Tips for kids as they head back to school
- If you’re trying to make friends, don’t do what most children do – walking up another child and talking about something that is interesting to you- instead ask questions and be interested in someone else so they want to talk to you
- Don’t be afraid to say you’re feeling nervous, it can help other children to work out what’s going on in your head which is the first step to making a friendship
- Don’t be upset if other children ignore you – it’s not because they don’t like you, they don’t even know you - it’s more likely that they’re feeling shy and don’t know how to deal with it or that they didn’t hear you or understand you
He said: “One thing that definitely doesn’t work that almost every parent does at some point is: you can’t inhibit emotions.
“You can’t tell a child not to feel what they’re feeling. So ‘don’t be nervous’ just doesn’t work, similarly a lot of chat like ‘look on the bright side’ or ‘just be cheerful’, research shows that can make a child feel more sad because if you’re really really happy, it emphasises how sad the child is. So again it can be quite counterproductive.”
Instead he suggests just acknowledging their feelings and supporting them through it.
Sam explained: “Just be with them, communicate that you understand what they’re feeling and that you emphasise with it, that you recognise that emotion and it’s not a stupid emotion to be feeling.
“Be clam yourself. Stress and anxiety are contagious so if I’m stressed and I’m around a child that will communicate the stress to a child.