I don’t want my daughter’s ex dating some horrible skank, I MUST vet her first – we come as a package
HANGING up after talking to her daughter, Emma Parsons-Reid was hit by a tidal wave of devastation.
The former civil servant had just learnt Hannah, 34, and her husband, Scott Bees, 36, were calling time on their 14-year marriage.
But it wasn’t Hannah’s impending divorce which had the mum-of-one, from Ely, South Wales, so grief-stricken.
Emma was more concerned about what the split meant for her and Scott – a man she was so close to, he called her “Mum”.
“I was heartbroken,” says Emma, who is married to retired chemical engineer Kevin, 63. “It was just earth-shattering. I cried and was more upset than the kids. It was the end of an era."
Studies show that women rate their relationships with their sons-in-law more favourably than relationships with their daughters-in-law, but that wasn’t always the case for Emma.
He came to me and asked for Hannah’s hand in marriage beforehand which was something. But I assumed at the time he was scared of me
Emma Parsons-Reid
When Scott and Hannah – then a single mum to a three-year-old girl – got together in 2009, she was initially suspicious.
"I wasn't sure if he was good enough for my daughter and granddaughter,” says Emma.
"He was young and not on a dedicated career path. I was concerned as any mum would be."
Hannah met him at work when she was a market researcher. Months later she was pregnant with the first of their four girls, now aged 14, 12, nine and seven.”
Emma, who is adamant no man can be fully trusted, says Scott had to “jump through hoops” to win her over.
Even by the time he and Hannah tied the knot in 2011, she wasn’t fully on board.
“He came to me as her mother, not Kevin, her stepdad, as I am the more scary one and bravely asked for Hannah’s hand in marriage, which was something,” says Emma.
“I just assumed he was scared of me.
“My loyalty still lay very much with Hannah and when we were looking at wedding dresses, I said to her, ‘You could always just live together'.”
But the pair did marry, and former postman Scott continued to fight to get his mother-in-law on side.
“It was a slowburner,” says Emma. “He wanted my approval and liked me to say, ‘Well done, Scott’.
“When he wallpapered a wall for the first time, he wanted me to like it.”
Over the years, Scott started to turn to Emma for guidance.
If they think divorce is going to interfere with my social life, they have got another thing coming
Emma Parsons-Reid
“He valued my opinion on all things big and small,” she says.
“I also lent him money and he always paid me back. He started to need me like a parent. I get on with Scott's mum but he realised early on that if you marry Hannah you get me as an added bonus."
By 2016 Emma conceded he was good enough for Hannah.
“He entered my circle of trust,” she says. “I could see he was a good father and husband. He soothed Hannah and looked after her.
Signs your relationship is heading for a divorce
- Persistent Communication Breakdowns
Constant misunderstandings, arguments, or a complete lack of meaningful conversation can signal deep-seated issues. - Emotional Distance
Feeling like roommates rather than partners, with a noticeable lack of intimacy or emotional connection. - Frequent Criticism and Contempt
Regularly criticising each other and showing contempt, such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking, can erode the relationship's foundation. - Unresolved Conflicts
Recurrent arguments about the same issues without any resolution can indicate deeper incompatibilities. - Loss of Trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. If it's been broken and cannot be rebuilt, it may be a sign that the relationship is in trouble. - Different Life Goals
Significant differences in future aspirations, such as career goals, lifestyle choices, or family planning, can create insurmountable divides. - Avoidance
Preferring to spend time apart rather than together, whether through work, hobbies, or social activities, can indicate a desire to escape the relationship. - Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported, whether emotionally, financially, or practically, can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment. - Financial Disagreements
Constantly arguing about money, spending habits, or financial priorities can strain the relationship. - Infidelity
Whether physical or emotional, infidelity can be a major breach of trust and a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. - Changes in Affection
A noticeable decrease in affection, physical touch, or romantic gestures can indicate a loss of connection.
“And when my husband Kevin, who isn’t Hannah’s dad, was diagnosed with in 2018, Scott came into his own. He said, ‘I’m here for you both’.
“That meant a lot to both of us. When the cancer spread in 2020, Scott was a rock and really protective of me.”
Emma described Hannah and Scott as being like South Wales’ Posh and Becks and admitted she felt so close to her loving son-in-law, that by the time they broke up around seven months ago, she was heartbroken.
"They explained how they had married young and both had grown apart and wanted to stay friends, “ she says.
“Scott asked Hannah to still have me in his life. I said they had to share custody of me. It's only fair.
Emma’s is a volcano; crusty and fiery on the outside but inside is a big marshmallow style lava flow of fun
Scott Bees
“Scott and Hannah co-parent well and both have the children’s best interests at heart.
“But after knowing him for 16 years, I consider Scott my son.
"When they announced the split, I realised just how much of a 'son' Scott had become. I didn't want to lose that relationship.”
Emma now describes Scott, who is 21 years her junior, as her “BMM” – her best male mate.
"We take the kids out together. We go on picnics with them if it's an inset day. We go for coffee and chat. I take him clothes shopping. He needs someone to help with style choices," she says.
I am going to interview any woman he meets, like I did him. They have to accept he comes with his ex-mother-in-law as a package. I don’t want him dating some horrible skank
Emma Parsons-Reid
"I also have selected his wardrobe for him when he starts dating again.
"When people see us together I am always very quick to point out that he’s my son.”
Hannah and Scott now have joint custody… of Emma.
“My daughter and Scott have to take turns visiting me, or accept joint visitation with me as part of their post-split lives,” she says.
“If they think divorce is going to interfere with my life or my relationship with my new 'son' Scott they have got another thing coming. When Scott does find a new partner she will have to win my approval and jump through hoops to be good enough for him and my grandchildren.
“I know some people think, ‘Oh, you have to take your daughter’s side’, but it’s nothing like that. I’m not a monster-in-law. I can love them both.”
Scott is equally keen to maintain his close relationship with Emma, although he admits she only accepted him after he realised his mother-in-law had to have everything her way.
“She even took over the wedding planning,” he says. “If we dared to suggest something else, Emma ignored our pleas.”
7 Signs You have an Overbearing Mother-in-law
An overbearing mother-in-law is someone who craves control and dominance, according to Choosing Therapy
The experts put together 7 warning signs to look out for...
- She’s Always Around
"An overbearing mother-in-law may show up unannounced or invite herself to gatherings and activities," they said. - She Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries
"She may do this by outright denying your requests or more subtly, in a way that makes you feel bad or guilty," the experts said. "She may do things that she doesn’t have the authority to do, such as snooping in your email." - She’s Judgmental
"An overbearing mother-in-law will judge your every move and take every opportunity to criticise you," the experts explained. "Behaviours as simple as an eye roll or deep sigh can be taken as signs of her disapproval." - She Insists That She’s Always Right
"A mother-in-law with this mentality will insist that she is always right and that you should follow her advice without question," they added. - She Pressures You to Do What She Wants
"You might find that your overbearing mother-in-law regularly uses the word 'should' when offering suggestions," the experts warned. - “I Do This Because I Care”
"To justify her domineering and arrogant behaviour, a mother-in-law may explain that she acts in this way because she cares about you and your family," according to the experts. - She Needs to Be the Centre of Attention
"An overbearing mother-in-law may try to steal centre stage whenever possible," the experts said. "In conversation, she might disregard topics that aren’t about her and steer the conversation back to herself."
Undeterred, Scott proudly took on stepdad duties to Hannah’s first child and fought hard to win Emma’s affections.
“I would be Emma's chauffeur if she needed to go places, I avoided arguments with her and I tried to ensure I did everything the 'Emma way'," he says.
“Gradually we became really close and I started calling her Mum. Yes, it’s Emma’s way or the highway, but she’s great. I love her to death and we are proper mates.
“Emma is like a volcano – crusty and fiery on the outside, but inside is all marshmallow-style lava.”
Now living in a cabin-style bungalow while he studies archeology at Uni, Scott WhatsApps Emma daily and they chat on the phone.
“I went to her and Kevin’s house on Christmas morning and opened my presents there,” he says. “It was a really nice feeling. I felt so cared about.”
And Emma loves popping around to Scott’s place, which she has decorated with cushions, throws and fairy lights.
“I often drop around 'care parcels' including casseroles for Scott and the kids,” she says.
"I also check he's showered and everything is neat and today as it should be. Men need organising.
“I have turned his cabin into a fairy grotto.”
We had many great years together. Moving on and co-parenting is our priority
Hannah Rose
Emma and Scott even take Duke, Hannah's border collie, on weekly walks in the local park, stopping for coffee at a favourite cafe.
“I love our Monday walks,” says Emma. “We natter away about his course, life, the kids, Kev… everything. He always gives me a hug when we meet and when we leave he says ‘I love you’.”
And while Hannah has a new partner, who Emma is yet to meet, single Scott is in the early stages of online dating. But all potential partners will be scrupulously vetted by his former mother-in-law.
“I am going to interview any woman he meets,” she warns.
“They have to accept he comes with his ex-mother-in-law as a package. I don’t want him dating some horrible skank.”
Meanwhile, Scott understands they have to complete the Emma Test.
Hannah says: “I respect the fact that Scott and Mum get on.
"It can be awkward at times, but that's separation.
"I don't feel that, because we’ve broken up, everyone in my family has to hate Scott.
"We had many great years together and co-parenting well is our priority.
I don't feel that because two people break up, everyone in my family has to hate Scott.
Hannah Rose
"We are respectful of one another's time with mum, too.
"Yes, some people think it’s weird, but it helps the kids and the grandparents get to see more of their grandchildren.
"I live by a quote which is, 'Don't hate your ex more than you love your children'.
"I am proud of our unusual new normal and don’t feel Mum has let me down."
-original.jpeg)
-original.jpeg)
