I go to monthly orgies but they’re not all ‘Roman-esque’ – I’ll date couples or have group sex, it’s normal to me
A WOMAN who has been in polyamorous relationships for ten years has revealed what it's really like.
Ruby Rare from the UK shared that while many think it's all about orgies, the truth is much more complicated.
The sex educator and author sat down with Bryony Gordon on her podcast, , to spill the tea.
Ruby, who has been in open relationships for a decade, claims there is much more interest in non-monogamy and is inundated with questions about it on social media.
She said: "There's a very common misconception of going 'Oh well if you're in an open relationship, you're just a cheater and you're legitimising it'."
However, she revealed that is not the case.
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Ruby revealed she was 20 when she came across the term on a dating site.
She explained: "I was lucky, I was dating in my early 20s and matched with someone on a dating app who had polyamory in his profile and so I Googled it and was like I've never heard that word before."
At the time, Ruby was casually dating, so she decided to give it a go and joined him and his other girlfriend.
She said it was "magical" to date him and get to know his girlfriend after they all moved in together.
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Ruby found herself in some bizarre moments, such as sleeping with her man and the girlfriend coming into the bedroom to have a catch-up.
She also revealed she expected her non-monogamous life to be filled with orgies every weekend which hasn't been the case.
Bryony asked if she had a misconception about being polyamorous before she delved into the world of it, Ruby replied: "That it was going to be all about sex and I'd be going to an orgy every weekend.
"I have orgied in the past I will continue to orgy, but it's a rarer occurrence."
As for the type of group play Ruby gets involved with, she said it's often a moderate amount of people and she had only been in Romanesque-style ones a couple of times.
She added: "But that kind of Romanesque orgy has only happened to me a couple of times."
Now Ruby keeps her orgies as a monthly treat rather than participating weekly.
What is polyamory?
Polyamory is the practice of having romantic relationships with more than one person at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of all parties.
It can refer to relationships where one person has multiple partners or spouses, or where all parties are in a relationship with each other, for example in a throuple.
According to , 6.8% of people in the UK have been in a polyamorous relationship.
Bryony asked what constitutes a "moderate amount of group sex" and how many people participate, after Ruby said that's all she has.
Ruby replied: "It varies, like, three (people) plus, probably once a month."
She also revealed that a massive misconception in her chosen relationship style was that it was all about sex.
Ruby added that a lot of communication had to happen involving boundaries and trust to ensure everyone is happy before they get to the good stuff.
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While Ruby knows polyamory may not be for everybody, she is vocal about wanting sex of all kinds to be less taboo so that everyone can experience pleasure.
She said: "In terms of feeling comfortable exploring and doing all of this, I'd encourage you to find the people in your life who you can chat a bit more intimately about this."