My fiancé is biological father to his NEPHEW – I was OK until he decided to be an ‘active dad’, people beg me to leave
A WOMAN has shared her heartbreak after her fiancé fathered his own nephew via a sperm donation - and now wants to become an ''active dad''.
Seeking advice on Reddit, she explained that her fiancé had previously donated sperm to his brother and ex-wife to help them conceive after the couple were struggling naturally.
She wrote that her fiancé had originally agreed to act only as ''uncle'' to his child - but has now changed his mind and is determined to take on the role of the father, despite her being ''completely against'' it.
The woman revealed that the reason her man had needed to provide sperm was because his sibling ''refused'' to seek fertility testing, fearing others would think he was ''less of a man''.
However, the pair were desperate to have a baby, and ended up asking the brother to secretly provide sperm so they could fulfil their dream and finally conceive - a decision she admitted she ''wasn't comfortable'' with.
Sharing the story on the , the woman wondered if she was in the wrong for being upset about the situation and admitted her engagement was ''hanging in the balance''.
read more on relationships
Social media users were quick to urge her to end the relationship and ''leave'' him, accusing her partner of a betrayal - while others suspected the donation was nothing but a cover story for cheating on her.
She wrote: ''I need advice because my engagement is literally hanging in the balance right now.
''My fiance donated sperm to his brother and his ex-wife because they were struggling to conceive naturally.''
Though she was against the idea, she felt it was pointless to express her opinion.
Most read in Fabulous
''But my fiancé comes from a close knit family so I knew I wouldn’t be able to convince him not to help his brother so I didn’t even try,'' she said.
At first, the intention had been for the couple to go on to raise the child as it belonged to the two of them - however, things swiftly took a different turn.
The brother ended up divorcing his wife as he ''couldn't cope with the fact that the baby wasn’t biologically his''.
Looking to support his nephew, the woman's fiancé insisted on helping his newly-single sister-in-law financially, not wanting to leave her strapped for cash before she had even given birth.
While the woman did acknowledge the sister-in-law was likely the ''biggest victim'' in this, the woman bravely admitted the situation had made her ''uncomfortable''.
Alongside his offering of financial support, the fiancé was also allegedly showering his sister-in-law to ''gifts'' and was accompanying the single mum to medical check-ups.
She explained: ''To an extent I was okay with this because she’s probably the biggest victim in all of this and my fiancé’s brother is a huge jack*** for putting her in this situation, but it did make me uncomfortable when he was buying her gifts to “cheer her up” or going to doctor appointments with her.''
Since the conception and pregnancy, the sister-in-law has given birth to a healthy tot.
But much to the horror of the woman, her fiancé has now also made the decision to take an active parenting role since he ''doesn't want his biological baby to grow up fatherless''.
She went on to explain that the sibling implied his ex-wife had been ''unfaithful'' and that her fiancé wanted to safeguard the child from being ''shunned'' by the rest of the family.
The woman was left horrified by the decision, adding didn't feel comfortable accepting another woman in her life - or to become a stepmother.
''I’m completely against this because it was bad enough that I had to accept another woman birthing his child before me but I don’t want to be a stepmother,'' she lamented.
Just 'an uncle'
Her fiancé had previously assured her he would only act as an uncle, but changed his mind right after the birth.
''The agreement was that my fiancé would be only an uncle to the baby which is something I can cope with, anything more is too much,'' she said.
''I know this isn’t an easy situation for the ex and I sympathise with her but this isn’t my problem.
''She shouldn’t have let her husband push her into something she wasn’t comfortable with and my fiancé has already done more than enough for her.''
Desperate for advice, the woman asked the popular forum how she should deal with the situation.
Signs your relationship is heading for a divorce
- Persistent Communication Breakdowns
Constant misunderstandings, arguments, or a complete lack of meaningful conversation can signal deep-seated issues. - Emotional Distance
Feeling like roommates rather than partners, with a noticeable lack of intimacy or emotional connection. - Frequent Criticism and Contempt
Regularly criticising each other and showing contempt, such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking, can erode the relationship's foundation. - Unresolved Conflicts
Recurrent arguments about the same issues without any resolution can indicate deeper incompatibilities. - Loss of Trust
Trust is crucial in any relationship. If it's been broken and cannot be rebuilt, it may be a sign that the relationship is in trouble. - Different Life Goals
Significant differences in future aspirations, such as career goals, lifestyle choices, or family planning, can create insurmountable divides. - Avoidance
Preferring to spend time apart rather than together, whether through work, hobbies, or social activities, can indicate a desire to escape the relationship. - Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported, whether emotionally, financially, or practically, can lead to feelings of isolation and resentment. - Financial Disagreements
Constantly arguing about money, spending habits, or financial priorities can strain the relationship. - Infidelity
Whether physical or emotional, infidelity can be a major breach of trust and a sign of deeper issues in the relationship. - Changes in Affection
A noticeable decrease in affection, physical touch, or romantic gestures can indicate a loss of connection.
'You're right... run'
Dozens in the comments strongly advised the woman to leave her fiancé and that the child was ''his son, not his nephew''.
They wrote: ''Well, there are now 3 in this relationship and you got the short end of the stick.
''Break up and move on, your fiancé will not abandon the child nor its mother.
''You are one too many. There's nothing to forbid or allow, you have not really a say in this mess.''
Another said: ''He slept with his brother's girl, broke them up, and came up with the story to feed to his own girlfriend. It seems pretty obvious to me.''
A third chimed in: ''I’d be surprised if they’re not sleeping together right now. This whole thing makes my stomach cramp up and breaks my heart for OP. It's one betrayal. You’re right…run.''
''It's not his nephew it's his son. It's literally both his genes and him being the father figure. It stopped being "nephew" when his brother skipped out,'' a fourth pointed out.
Another said: ''If you don't want to be a stepmother, it's best to walk away.
READ MORE SUN STORIES
''The use of ultimatums is not the solution, and the well-being of the child should be put first. It is a tough situation, but you need to decide what's best for you.''
Unlock even more award-winning articles as The Sun launches brand new membership programme - Sun Club.
