THE way we make love is changing but if you stay ahead of the game, better sex is just around the corner.
In her new book, relationship therapist and sexpert Georgia Grace promises to change the way people think, feel and experience lovemaking.
From building confidence and intimacy to foreplay, sexual techniques and talking dirty, Georgia’s new book addresses many common hang-ups.
And, 80 years after the G-spot was first analysed by boffins, she tells of a new “A-spot” for lovers to discover.
Georgia says: “The way we understand and experience sex is changing.
"More people are curious, and they’re reclaiming and expressing themselves in ways that go beyond the traditional binaries.
"Normal or abnormal, right or wrong, kinky or vanilla, feminine or masculine.
“While this book equips you with the knowledge to discover what you like and even who you are as a sexual person, there is not one right way to have sex or to be sexual.
"It offers you the tools and ideas you need to go away and explore for yourself.”
Here, Georgia reveals her top tips to help elevate your bedroom game.
While the G-spot is a part of the clitoral network, located on the front wall of the vagina, if you explore deeper inside you may be able to stimulate the A-spot, near the cervix.
It’s called the A-spot because it’s on the anterior fornix, which means the front side of the body.
Foreplay serves an essential purpose in great sex, as it connects our minds and our bodies.
It’s powerful and important, but here's some important dos and don'ts.
Do:
Redefine foreplay together: It can be the way you touch or kiss with your partner throughout the day, the engaging conversation shared over dinner, a knowing glance, talking about what you’re into, sharing a song, a steamy text, a hand on the lower back.
Extend it: The more build-up and anticipation, the more intense it’ll feel.
Arouse the whole body: Experiment with a variety of touch... teasing, holding, awakening sensation, kissing.
Experiment: Try incorporating toys, different kinds of touch or temperature into the mix.
Don’t:
Rush it: Take your time building arousal, excitement and connection.
Assume: Keep a steady stream of communication throughout, instead of assuming how people want to be touched.
Pressure: Remove pressure from yourself or your partner to respond in a certain way.
Perform: Foreplay is not a performance, it’s a co-created experience. If their touch isn’t hitting the spot, try saying what would work for you.
Sex is a skill. And like any skill, the more we do it, the more comfortable, confident and capable we feel. For those who feel unwilling, nervous or lacking in confidence, here's what to think about.
For couples who are in love but have stopped having sex, rediscovering intimacy can bridge the gap between all those sensitive, connected things (cuddles and kisses etc) and wanting sex on date night.
It’s not about being naked. Practising sexual intimacy is great for people who want to put desire back on the map. Some tips...
Make out more – At the start of a relationship, couples spend hours just kissing. Many miss this and sometimes just want to make out on the couch without the need to have sex. Set a timer for a couple of minutes and kiss for the duration, pausing or checking in when the timer goes off.
Dry humping – grind against your partner, with clothes on, to increase sensation and arousal.
Have a shower together – being wet, touching and enjoying each other’s bodies without the expectation of sex can be a really intimate act.
Sexual compliments (outside of sex) – complimenting your partner on their body, their mind, what you love about them, how they make you feel, without any intention or expectation of sex.
Aftercare – helps us maintain intimacy and bridges the gap between our sexual experiences and our everyday lives. Try cuddling while having a chat about what felt good, making a meal together or having a nap in each other’s arms.
While dirty talk is any communication before, during or after sex that turns you on, praise kink is when a person finds compliments arousing or pleasurable.
A strong sexual skillset isn’t just about technique - it’s about connection, confidence, and communication.
Being attentive to your partner’s desires, understanding your own, and exploring intimacy together can transform a relationship.
Slow down – we’re all having sex really quickly. That can be fun, but starting slow is so useful. It gives you time to check in, build arousal, attune to your body and/or the other person, and it also gives you more room to build intensity.
Build arousal – everything feels more intense when you’re aroused. It’s worth taking the time to touch, kiss and stimulate.
Full-body touch – awaken sensation in their whole body, kissing and touching them all over.
Create a sex toolkit – this can include anything from sex pillows, wedges, blindfolds, sensory items, toys, lube … anything to get your body in a comfortable position and allow you to access more pleasure.
Check in with sexual partners – asking questions will help you nail touch far more effectively than a few illustrations ever could.
These are a series of questions partners can ask one another as a way to lower the stakes and practise communication outside of a sexual context. Couples take turns answering the questions for one minute, no more, no less - you don’t need to come up with an answer straight away.
The Modern Guide To Sex by Georgia Grace, £20, is published by Harper Collins and available now from a number of stores, including Amazon and WHSmith.
