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OH YES WE DO!
Drugs before we perform and sex with co-stars in the wings, what panto stars like me really get up to backstage revealed
Which comedian did Rula Lenska accidentally see naked?
AS three million panto fans head for performances this year, one secret star, 31, reveals to Mel Fallowfield the shocking antics that go on behind the scenes . . .
BOOZE BLOWOUTS: I love panto — it’s chaotic, fun and hectic.
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But it’s also exhausting and by the end of every season I’m a shell of my former self.
That’s because we not only create a party atmosphere on stage, but also live one before, during and after the performance.
Most of the time we all get on really well and because you have so much adrenaline running through you on stage, going out drinking afterwards feels like the only way of burning it off.
During panto season, I go out every night.
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There have even been a couple of times when we’ve had a glass of prosecco before going on for the final act.
On New Year’s Day, we often do three performances and for the first one, we’ll still be a bit drunk from the night before.
By the second one, we’re so hungover we are nearly falling asleep — and by the third we’ll have had some prosecco to liven us up.
There have been many times I’ve thought I was going to throw up from my hangover on stage and I’ve even heard co-stars chundering in the toilets.
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SEX IN THE WINGS: You put a group of actors together and it’s inevitable relationships will blossom.
You are all thrust together in a small group and it’s very intense, so that energy has to go somewhere.
Vernon Kay stars as Aladdin in Wycombe Swan's Christmas pantomime
Affairs between married people are common.
There will be quickies in the dressing room and even between scenes as actors grab their opportunities where they can find them.
The most shocking one I heard about was a famous actress “pleasuring” her co-star in the wings.
I didn’t see it, but another actor got an eyeful and the news spread like wildfire.
BACKSTAGE BUST-UPS: I starred in one panto with a very well-known actress and her husband, who were far from lovey-dovey.
They were supposed to share a dressing room, but had the most enormous rows.
Eventually, they had to be put in separate rooms, as their blazing bust-ups could be heard on stage.
It can be quite funny when the fleeting relationships formed during panto season come to an end.
If someone feels like they’ve been mugged off, they’ll make sure the object of their affections gets extra custard pie on them.
OUT OF SNORTS: On one occasion, I was wired from drinking too much coffee to sober me up.
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So before going on stage, I decided to have a spliff to calm me down. It was a huge mistake.
Standing in front of 1,000 people, I got the most terrible paranoia.
And it wasn’t a case of thinking everyone was watching me . . . they really were. I will never do that again.
Others have a quick toot of coke to either sober them up or give them energy.
During one panto, a well-known soap star was dubbed the Snow Queen because of her out-of-control cocaine habit.
She was snorting lines, rather than saying them.
FAIRY SOB-MOTHER: I understand why panto producers sign up big-name celebrities, as it does undoubtedly pull in the crowds.
The problem is, they are not always up to it.
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A famous actress once played the Bad Fairy and every time she went on stage, she got booed.
She wanted to be loved and I remember her being in floods of tears backstage, saying: “The children hate me.”
Er, no love, they hate your character. I think it’s fair to say she didn’t know what she was letting herself in for when she signed up.
Once, there was a scene when she was completely covered by a cloak.
But when the Bad Fairy went on stage, it wasn’t actually the famous actress under it, it was the stage manager who had always wanted a taste of the limelight.
On the whole, I’ve been lucky with my celebrity co-stars, but I feel sorry for those who worked with Katie Price, who last year admitted forgetting her lines and making some of them up.
Knowing your lines is a must.
NAKED DISTRACTION: We all love to try to make each other laugh on stage as it adds to the jovial atmosphere.
A common thing is to put a whoopee cushion on someone’s seat.
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The problem is then struggling not to lose it with the giggles when they sit on it.
Some are better than others at keeping a straight face, but I’m terrible.
There are often “freeze scenes”.
Once, a co-star found it funny to undo my bra strap.
It was hilarious and didn’t feel remotely sexual.
It was designed to make me shake with laughter at a time when I absolutely had to be still.
Other times we will do moonies on stage, while hidden by props, to make each other giggle.
There’s a famous story that actress Rula Lenska tells, about being in panto with comedy legend Les Dawson.
She was about to go on when she looked over at the other side of the stage and saw him standing there in the wings, completely naked, other than his wig.
WEE BIT AWKWARD: There are always disasters on stage.
With very short rehearsal times and multiple performances, it’s inevitable.
But few could have predicted what happened on one terrible occasion.
A member of the chorus forgot to have a pee before a performance.
She was wearing a shell suit and she just couldn’t keep it in, but thought she could quietly urinate as it wouldn’t show through her clothes.
What she hadn’t taken into account was that the stage sloped a tiny bit.
So rather than just having a puddle by her feet, she had to watch a trickle of wee slowly making its way through the cast and towards the orchestra pit.
That was a slosh scene with a difference.
BOTTOM LINE: Everyone involved in a panto really wants to put on a good show and we work incredibly hard to do so.
It may seem chaotic, but it’s generally a case of very disciplined chaos, where everyone knows what they are doing.
Otherwise, it just wouldn’t work.
I desperately want the audience to enjoy it all.
Often we meet sick children who are there for a treat and it’s terribly sad.
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They inspire us to do our very best, which we always do.
- Additional reporting: Anna Roberts
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