My hubby & I have a bonking ban until Christmas Day – we’ll have sex at least six times, here’s why we do it
SITTING at the kitchen table wrapping Christmas gifts, Jen Walker’s gaze falls upon their family calendar.
Blocked out in fluorescent highlighter and decorated with little stars is the week starting Christmas Day.
But this time of year holds an entirely different meaning for Jen, 27, and her husband, Rob, 28, because it marks the end of a sex ban and months of abstaining from intimacy.
“Christmas marks the end of our bonking ban,” Jen says, speaking exclusively to Fabulous.
“We only have sex three times a year, on Christmas Day, and our birthdays in April and August.”
While the idea of having sex just a handful of times a year might signal the end of a loving relationship, for Jen and Rob, the anticipation makes their marriage better.
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“It is the secret to our loving relationship,” she says.
“More people should try it. It keeps the sex spark alive and makes love making better.
“I know the idea of only having sex at Christmas or birthdays bonkers. I don't care - it works for us."
Despite their lack of all-year round sex, the couple even managed to conceive their four-year-old daughter Arabella on Christmas Day and the mum is now expecting again.
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Part-time admin manager Jen and IT project manager Rob, who live in Manchester, aren't alone in their ‘less sex and better intimacy’ approach.
According to research, Gen Z - those born between 1997 and 2012 - are less sexually active than other generations were at their age.
The U.S based Kinsey Institute for revealed one in four or 25% of Gen Z adults have never had sex and a third of Gen-Z say the closest they have got to it is via sexting, or virtual sex with a partner.
The same study revealed seven per cent of Gen Z only have sex once a year.
Gen Z adults claim work pressure, exhaustion, anxiety, a desire to define their own sexuality and placing a higher value on relationships over the amount of sex is the reason for their flagging libidos.
Jen and Rob met on Christmas Day in 2017 at a party organised by Jen's friends, and they began dating.
Rob was studying business and IT at University of Manchester and stayed in the city over the holidays.
Jen says: “We got to know each other, and both wanted to take it slow. I had had a bad breakup and just wanted me time.
“Rob had a similar experience with a previous girlfriend, and he wanted to be sure the next time he had sex with someone who was right for him.”
In January 2018 Rob started a year-long exchange programme in LA, so the pair had a long-distance romance.
Jen says: “We spent hours on the phone and video calling each other, it made our connection so much stronger.”
When Rob returned home for Christmas in 2018, they decided to spend the day alone – and made love for the first time.
Jen says: “It was like we had done it a million times before. We’d spent so much time talking to each other – discussing everything from sex to favourite foods.
“We were intimate on all levels, not just sexually."
And, she says: “We don’t have to prove ourselves by constantly shagging.”
A week later, Rob proposed on New Year’s Eve.
But in the new year, he started working for an IT company, spending much of his time travelling while Jen worked full-time in Manchester.
She says: “Sex for us was never a priority. It was all about cuddles and closeness.
Rob and I plan on having twelve hours together alone and have special Christmas lingerie ready for the occasion.
Jen Walker
“I told Rob we should have a sex ban until the next Christmas, because it had worked so well the year before.
“He wasn’t shocked when I suggested it. We were already engaged so he knew I was committed, and we thought it would make Christmas extra special.”
Although Jen accepts many people won't understand their sex rules, she says they’re not alone amongst their friendship group.
She says: “We told a couple of our friends in long term relationships, who revealed they only had sex a couple of times a year.
“Most of the time I was too shattered to get interested in sex and Rob was so busy with work, we just loved the fact we had each other.
“We place a greater priority on being close to each other rather than sex for sex’s sake.
“I found out we’d conceived our first child on Christmas 2019 three weeks later and we were both absolutely thrilled.
“That’s when we both knew our sex ban until Christmas was the best decision we ever made."
Jen gave birth to Arabella in October 2020, three weeks late, after a gruelling 42-hour labour.
She says: “My pregnancy was exhausting. I had terrible morning sickness.
“We ended up stuck in California after travelling there to visit Rob’s dad the week before lockdown hit.
“Rob’s job allowed him to work remotely, and I was too poorly to even think about sex."
IMPROVE YOUR KISSING GAME THIS CHRISTMAS
Here, sexpert KATE TAYLOR reveals how you can combine sugar and spice this festive season.
MEN find women more desirable when they taste like peppermint, according to the Smell And Taste Institute in America.
So be sure to suck on a candy cane before you head under the mistletoe.
Strangely, women find men sexiest when they taste like alcohol, so hand him the liqueur chocolates.
Make sure you kiss for at least 30 seconds every day, no matter how busy you are.
It releases a ton of feel-good chemicals in your brain that increase affection and trust.
Make a deal that every time you hear a certain Christmas song, you’ll stop whatever you’re doing and snog.
The couple married on Christmas Day 2021 and it was in 2022 when they made a vow to have sex just three times a year.
These include Christmas, around Jen’s birthday at Easter and on Rob’s birthday in August.
“We had grown as a couple and wanted to give each other the gift of sex and make it special for us at Christmas and on our birthdays,” she says.
“We both prefer being emotionally intimate over constant sex. There is less pressure on us using a bonking ban. We are super confident in our decision and our relationship.
“The older generations feel they must prove their worth with constant sex.
"Gen Z value boundaries and nuances more. It makes our marriage destined to be forever.”
In September, a month after Rob’s special bonking birthday, the couple discovered they were pregnant with baby number two.
A moonlight bonk amongst the trees in a hot tub is my idea of Christmas heaven
Jen Walker
“I could not be happier," says Jen.
“We cuddle and kiss during other times. I cannot wait for Christmas Day. I know Rob’s excited too and the anticipation of finally having sex again after four months makes us keep the spark alive."
And the couple have specific plans.
“We’re spending Christmas with our family which means our little one will be with her cousins and grandparents," Jen explains.
“We’re all hiring cabins. Rob and I plan on having twelve hours together alone and have special Christmas lingerie ready for the occasion.
“We will have fun in the hot tub, and plan to have sex at least six times that day.
“We might sneak outside and use the outdoor heated hot-tub in the woods.
"I'll be lighting candles . A moonlight bonk amongst the trees in a hot tub is my idea of Christmas heaven."
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Rob isn't complaining, he says: “Christmas has special significance for us as a couple and the bonking ban makes me want Jen more.
“Waiting for sex makes our relationship special. I joke we are each other’s Sexy Santas.”
