I’m a mum-of-five but put two of my kids up for adoption – I couldn’t afford to keep them, I pray they forgive & find me
A SINGLE mum shared her heartbreaking decision to put up two of her kids for adoption.
The now 32-year-old explained that she couldn't afford to raise them on her own.
"The feeling of giving a child up for adoption is hurt," said Hannah Martin, who is from Pennsylvania, US.
"It's traumatic. It's very heartbreaking, but at the same time, it's heartwarming because you're doing the right thing."
Hannah, now a stay-at-home mom with a 15-year-old son, an eight-year-old daughter, and a six-year-old son, placed a little girl named Adriana up for adoption in 2011.
Then just 19, Hannah says she was "excited but scared" when she found out she was expecting.
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"I got pregnant by one of my brother's friends because we ended up just hooking up, being young and dumb," says Hannah, noting she was using birth control pills but not a condom.
Although Adriana's birth was unplanned, the decision to place her for adoption was one that weighed heavily on her heart.
"I kept her for about, I want to say a month and a half, and I couldn't do it," Hannah explained.
"The father refused to help me, he said it wasn't his child.
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"He apologized to me and he said he couldn't do it so I said: 'OK, I have no choice but to find somebody that wants to have a family.'"
She was helped by Maria, a lawyer from Miami, who became a guiding light for her and someone to "vent to."
"She was like another mother to me, and she helped me through all of this, she got me therapy and whatever I needed to make this OK," Hannah said.
"I just needed somebody to tell me that it was OK, that I was doing the right thing by giving this little girl the life that she deserves."
With the help of Maria, who was working through the state of Florida to place kids in foster care, Hannah signed papers to give Adriana up for adoption.
"It was agonising, but I felt they were going to a better place," she recalled.
Her second adopted child, Tyler, was born in 2013, when Hannah was 21 and living in Alabama.
How does adoption work?
In the UK, there is lengthy process involved with adopting a child and it can take up to six months for the paperwork to be finalised.
To even be considered, you have to meet the following criteria:
- You must be over 21
- You must be a legal resident of the UK for at least 12 months.
- No criminal convictions - especially any related to the endangerment of children. This applies to everyone your household.
You will also have to go through an inital background check and assesment, which will consider whether you are the right fit for adoption.
Potenital parents will also have undergo training and a process to match them with the right child.
She explained that she got pregnant again despite using the Depo-Provera shot, but didn't have an abortion.
Hannah believed it would be different this time because she was in a relationship with Tyler's father.
However, despite being initially present, he soon proved unable to provide the support she desperately needed.
"I thought that this man was giving me attention, and sleeping with me, so perhaps he loves me, but I was completely wrong," she said.
The father's drug addiction eventually created an insurmountable barrier to raising a family.
"I thought that this one was going to work out because the father was actually with me, and I thought he would be all on board about this, but it turns out he'd rather do drugs and party," she said.
Compounding the situation was her father's refusal to help.
"My father was unsupportive. I called Maria, crying, telling her I can't do this. I made another mistake," Hannah explained.
Though heart-wrenching, Maria again came to the rescue, helping the mum find a couple who could offer Tyler the life he deserved, at only a few months old.
To this day, Hannah hasn't heard from either child and doesn't know if they kept Adriana and Tyler as their names.
"I don't even think they know about me," she said, noting she only received one picture of Adriana through Maria.
The emotional toll of placing both of her children for adoption still troubles her.
I'm hoping one day and praying that my children will try to come find me.
Hannah Martin
"It was very hard. I went through a bad part when that happened because I have depression. When sadness and everything hits me, I'm pretty much stuck," she explained.
Despite the grief, Hannah holds onto the belief that she made the right choice for her children.
"If I had to change everything, I would have kept them, but I was struggling, really young, and I didn't have help," she said.
"I didn't have anything. I didn't know how to get on housing or food stamps or anything that could have helped me and my children at the time."
Her other three children had a relatively normal childhood.
Joshua, her first son, was born in 2009. Brooke, her other daughter, was born in 2016. Two years later, a third son named Brandon Jr. came along.
Hannah notes Brooke and Brandon Jr.'s father is supportive and she had more means to support Joshua during his childhood because she was working as an assistant manager at McDonald's.
Now she has gained a deeper understanding of the importance of support and stability for her children, she said.
"I am doing this by myself. I am definitely grateful that I have my children," she says.
Reflecting on Adriana and Tyler, she expresses her desire to reconnect.
"I've tried to look up the people that did adopt them, but there's no luck there. I just want to see a picture of them. That's all I wanted," she says.
"I'm hoping one day and praying that my children will try to come find me," Hannah states.
"They're going to have to know the truth one day or another.
"If they're trying to go to the doctors and figure out family history, well, guess what? They're going to have to come ask me stuff."
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Her message to others considering adoption is clear: "There's always that what if.
"Giving a child to someone who can't have children of their own. It's the best gift ever."
