My dad went missing ten years ago – I still make his fave Christmas meal & buy him presents in hope he’ll return home
CAREFULLY wrapping all her Christmas presents and popping them under the tinsel-adorned tree, Courtney Vernon's heart breaks as she knows there's one special gift that will most likely go unopened.
Despite her much-loved dad Damion Vernon vanishing without a trace ten years ago this December, every year she still buys him a present, in the hope this might be the year he comes home.
Courtney, who lives in Bridlington with her factory worker partner Owen Watson, 22, and their two sons Lennon, four, and Parker, six months, says: "Christmas is such a special time, especially now I have little ones of my own - but it's also heartbreaking too as it's when dad went missing.
"He loved Christmas so much and was such a big character, so it does always feel something's missing - even now I always get him a present and we set him a place at the table for dinner too.
"It's been a decade since he disappeared, and we know deep down he probably isn't alive, but without any evidence or proof there's no closure.
"Until we have answers, there's still that little bit of hope he may come back home one day."
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'The best dad ever'
Growing up, Courtney had a complex but mainly happy childhood, living with her grandparents - her dad's mum and dad - from the age of seven after her mum was unable to look after her due to drug issues.
Sadly she was in and out of prison and battling addiction, and later tragically died in 2021.
For Courtney, her dad's severe ADHD meant she wasn't able to live with him full-time, but she describes him as the "best Dad ever", and he would see or speak to his daughter almost every single day.
Courtney says: "We were so close, and while I wasn't able to see my mum, I saw a lot of my Dad. He was always there for me.
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"He would spoil me, I didn't want for anything and we'd go on holiday too.
"I idolised him. He was cool, so all my mates loved him too, and he could literally brighten up any room - he was such a big personality."
'He was the life & soul of the party'
As it is for many families, Christmas was a particularly special time of year - and the festive season was one Courtney has especially fond memories of her dad.
She says: "It was massive in our family.
"Everyone would come round, Dad loved having a prawn cocktail - that was his favourite - and we just loved singing, laughing and dancing to Christmas music.
"He really was the life and soul of the party.
"Every year he'd come round and we'd decorate the tree together with Disney-themed baubles and lights everywhere - it was a properly traditional, over-the-top tree."
Looking forward to the festive season
The run-up to Christmas 2014, before Damion, then 32, vanished without a trace on December 8, was initially no different - and there was nothing to suggest anything untoward.
Courtney, who was just 13 at that time, says: "Dad was fine, there was nothing out of character - and I would have known if there was something up as I could read him really, really well.
"He'd already been round and we'd decorated the tree at my Grandma's.
"After he went missing my Grandma actually kept it up for months, because she was too distraught to take it down because Dad loved Christmas so much.
"I'd bought his Christmas presents already too - a Hugo Boss aftershave and tracksuit and some new shoes - and they were wrapped and under the tree.
"On the day he went missing he popped over after I'd finished school, gave me a cuddle and a kiss and then just left to go and pick up a car for his mate."
'I began to feel sick'
That evening was the first sign something was wrong.
Courtney says: "That night we were out at an Indian restaurant with family, and Grandma hadn't heard from Dad, which was really unusual.
"She felt something was wrong immediately, but we had to wait 24 hours before the police would consider him a missing person.
"At that point I wasn't too worried, as he could be spontaneous and just end up staying in a hotel or visiting a mate, and I knew what he was like.
"But by the next day I began to feel sick and knew something was wrong."
The trail ran cold
As the days passed, concern mounted.
The police began an investigation which included dredging a river near to where Damion had gone missing.
His devastated family did door to door searches, made posters, and organised appeals at football matches and in community hubs.
Damion’s car was later found abandoned and he was last captured on CCTV in a bank. But then, the trail ran cold.
Courtney says: "I'd been through a lot so I was quite a grown up kid, so Grandma kept me in the loop with what was happening quite a lot.
"She was in bits and wouldn't leave the house, but she would try to stay strong for me and tell me he would be back, and not to worry, and the family rallied round.
"Even when we did public police appeals for information it didn't really feel real, and I just felt numb. It still doesn't feel real sometimes now.
"I just thought 'why has this happened to us?' I just thought it was the sort of nightmare thing that only happened in movies."
'We kept the tree up for months'
That Christmas - and every Christmas in the ten years since - was understandably a particularly hard time for Courtney and her family.
She says: "It was weird Dad not being there. Everyone rallied round, and we had a Christmas dinner with a space at the table saved for dad but it wasn't magical like it usually was.
"We joked he was just going to walk through the door on Christmas like nothing had happened, singing and laughing.
"We knew deep down it was unlikely - there was just that little bit of hope.
With Dad, there was no closure - you can't grieve for something you're not 100 per cent sure you've lost.
Courtney Vernon
“It didn’t make sense that he just wouldn’t come home for Christmas if he could.
"We had his presents ready and we kept the tree up for months. It was so upsetting when there was no word from him.”
Unable to grieve properly
Four months later, Courtney's grandma suffered an aneurysm caused by a blood clot at home and died in what Courtney believes was 'of a broken heart'.
Courtney says: "Each day without Dad was hard but up until losing Grandma I don't think anything had properly sunk in and I just felt numb.
"It was only when Grandma died I think I allowed myself to properly cry then for the first time, about everything.
"With Grandma there was the certainty she'd died and I could grieve properly for her, but with Dad, there was no closure - you can't grieve for something you're not 100 per cent sure you've lost.
"Even now - I don't believe Dad is alive - but without any proof or evidence it's so hard to accept as there's always that bit of hope he could come home.
"It know it wasn't his fault but there have been times when I've felt so angry at him.
"I just wished he'd stayed at home, or made different choices that would have meant he hadn't been in the position he was in whatever happened that day."
'A bittersweet moment'
As time went on, Courtney was forced to get on with life, despite no new leads in the case.
"Losing Grandma made me all the more determined to find Dad. As time went on we began to suspect he had come to some harm, yet there was no proof either way.
“The police said there was no reason to suspect criminal activity. It was a dead end."
In September 2020, Courtney gave birth to son, Lennon, and earlier this year she had second son Parker.
She says: “It was a bittersweet moment because I wanted Dad to be there to share it.
"It's distressing he'll never be able to walk me down the aisle, or get to meet his grandkids."
A tinge of sadness
Now, it's ten years this year since that fateful day, and this Christmas the family will remember Damion, as they always do.
Courtney says: "Even now, we always set a place for him and make him a prawn cocktail, and I still buy him a present, usually an aftershave, which I usually then give to my partner.
"Every year even though I have my boys, there's still a tinge of sadness at Christmas for me, as it will never be the same without him.
"We always meet up every year on the anniversary of him going missing to remember him and tell stories.
"He loved his mum so much - we know he would have come back when he heard she'd died - he wouldn't have stayed away that long if he had a choice."
A fresh appeal for information
With this Christmas marking a decade since Damion disappeared, police are once again renewing their appeal for information – and Courtney herself is pleading for closure.
Courtney says: "If anyone has any information, I'm begging them to come forward. No matter how small.
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"In my heart I don’t think I will see him again. No one can go missing and hide their own body and someone somewhere must know something.
"But I would like to be able to lay him to rest and I want to be able to tell my sons the truth about what happened to him. Dad deserves dignity."
'Every avenue has drawn a blank'
Detective Superintendent Matt Baldwin, of Humberside Police, said: “The past years have been an extremely difficult time for Damion’s family and we still are no further on in finding out what has happened to Damion.
“Despite conducting large area searches and completing extensive lines of enquiry since the time of Damion’s disappearance we are no clearer to understanding what has happened to him.
“The media played a huge part in our appeals at the time, however every avenue has drawn a blank.
“There is no suggestion that criminal activity led to Damion going missing and we are keeping an open mind about his disappearance and the case will be kept open as a long term missing person enquiry."
