I’m a shy office worker who slept with 1 man before finding sex clubs at 46 – I drag guys round on leashes & whip them

FOR 20 years, Fiona Grey* had a 'mainstream' sex life with the same man - the only lover she'd ever been with.

But after walking into a fetish club for the first time at 46, the PR worker's eyes were opened.

The unassuming venue in South London was full of men being led on leashes and people of both genders being whipped and caned for pleasure.

Here she tells Fabulous her story...

Walking nervously into a fetish club for the first time in my life, what struck me immediately was a man on all fours being walked round on a leash.

His mistress carried a whip, spoke to him sternly and if he wanted a drink of his beer, she made him lick it up out of his dog bowl.

My initial reaction was shock. I was intrigued to see people could be turned on by this.

I was 46 years old and it was my first time experiencing anything like this.

There were people carrying canes and a room where people could go to have sex if they wanted, whilst others watched. Some wore masks, others wore very little indeed.

It wasn't at all what I'd been expecting, but I'm glad I went. The experience has completely changed my sex life - and for the better.

I'd always been a very shy person and I was raised in a very conservative environment. I felt a lot of shame around my body and sex and had never been told it was something to be enjoyed.

I was 21 when I first started dating and having sex. I'd only had one partner when I met a man I ended up spending 20 years with.

We had a nice life, but we only ever had 'traditional' sex and to be honest, I always found it boring.

I felt something was lacking. But because I had zero self-confidence, I kept telling myself I was lucky to have a partner at all.

We never married but that relationship lasted two decades. I was in my 40s when it came to an end and suddenly I found myself in a whole new world of online dating.

How people met had changed so much in that time, but again I just felt so bored and disappointed by meeting people online and going on dates.

Most of the time they felt more like job interviews.

Along the way though I met a few people who attended to fetish clubs. I asked them what it was like and felt so intrigued.

We became friends and one friend in particular encouraged me to give it a go. The idea of doing something different and getting myself out of this dating rut was so exciting.

I'd reach my 40s without ever trying anything different and felt I was missing out.

I discovered there were people who led all sorts of different lifestyles and I wanted a slice of the action for myself.

A couple of my new friends agreed to come with me and in Spring 2022 we went to a Torture Garden night held in a nightclub near London’s Kings Cross.

Before going, I searched the website to try and get an idea of what to wear. I chose something quite stereotypical I suppose as I really had no idea what I was doing.

I bought a PVC corset and a leather skirt from a charity shop that sold vintage and quirky clothing in Hackney. And I wore leather high-heeled boots and a long red wig so I could look and feel completely different, spending around £80.

I found it really exciting getting dressed up and trying to make myself look attractive.

For years, I hadn't even been out dancing let alone do anything like this. I was completely out of my comfort zone. I felt very curious and went along that first time with an open mind.

It's not a huge scene so when we arrived I was surprised to see that a lot of people already knew each other.

Lots of people were just chatting with friends and having quite normal conversations, all whilst wearing some of the craziest costumes I've ever seen.

Men and women were wearing masks, often wearing very little. It was shocking because I was not used to seeing so many people feeling so comfortable in the nude or wearing very revealing, exotic costumes. 

Many of the costumes left very little to the imagination. There was a lot of latex, leather and people carrying whips or canes. There were several people being walked on a leash.

Many of the women looked very glamorous and you could tell they had spent hours on their make up, hair and costumes.

Some men go as they like to be submissive to a woman. Some people go as they like pain and wanted a cane used on them.

There are all kinds of fetishes, some things I'd never heard of before such as people dressed up as animals, men wearing latex hoods that only showed their eyes and mouth, people being spanked and people wearing ball gags in their mouth.

The man pretending to be a dog was one of the strangest things I saw. I found it odd that someone would get off on pretending to be a pet, but each to their own.

There were a lot of rules and even the environment was alien to me, I felt very safe.

It wasn't some backstreet club but a professional operation. They are very big on the idea of consent. Nobody does anything they don’t want to do.

You don't have to participate, you can just watch. Everyone is respectful and you have the same rules as any other clubs around drugs and health and safety.

You can't take pictures or videos without people’s consent. There are many different rooms at these venues.

People might be engaging in activities called, usually referred to as ‘playing’, which could mean someone enjoying bondage play, being spanked, teased or canned in one room whilst another room is a completely normal dance floor with a bar.

Some clubs do have a room where people can have sex and you can watch if you like. I did see this. But the idea of joining in never appealed to me.

It's not a sex club where people are having sex everywhere. Some clubs don't allow this at all.

People from all walks of life attend fetish nights, from nurses and policemen to academics and plumbers, and they were all ages from their 20s to their 70s. Couples and singles.

I began to immerse myself in this scene. I never did anything at the club nights but I made friends and once I felt comfortable with them, sometimes I tried stuff in private. 

I enjoyed exploring my dominant side.

This was something I'd never tried before and I loved everything about the latex and leather costumes, carrying a small whip and having a man in a submissive pose or on a leash calling me 'mistress' and getting them to satisfy me. I love having a man at my feet.

It was a very interesting way to spice up my sex life and build self-confidence. I did briefly try the submissive side too but I realised I was not keen on being spanked!

I never told friends from my 'old' life. I think they'd have been shocked if they had known what I was up to. There is still a stigma attached to it. It's not the sort of thing you can share at work.

I've since moved from London to Kent and I no longer attend fetish clubs but I'm so glad it was something I did and it is still part of my sexuality.

It has boosted my confidence and changed how I see myself. I'm so much more confident about my body as an older woman, and what I can do with it.

I've realised that you can be sexy and attractive at any age. It's not just people in their 20s who have great sex lives and experiment and after that, it's all downhill.

I have a less 'British' attitude towards sex now.

As a woman, I know it is perfectly fine to express your desires and fantasies and to explore power dynamics.I enjoyed dressing up and being the dominant partner. For the first in my life, I put my own pleasure first.

I'm still single by choice 

But I met lots of great people on this journey. For me, it was a bit of escapism from everyday life.

Some people live this life almost every day. I didn't want to fall into that trap. I just wanted to try something different for a while. One of the downsides is that a lot of the men are only looking for someone to fulfil their fantasy or fetish.

They don't look at you as a person, just the fantasy you provide. Long-term that is not the type of relationship I want to have. 

If I met someone I'd like them to see me for who I am, at least most of the time. The latex and whip can still come out at weekends.

*Names have been changed to protect Fiona’s identify