I’m a sex addict – I’ve secretly slept with 50 men while married & bonked pal’s husband in loos while out with them

CREEPING up the stairs at 2am, I carefully navigate the creaking floorboard and pad quietly into my bedroom.

I don’t even shower before getting into bed, the smell of the man I’ve just slept with is still on my skin. I like the reminder.

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It’s shocking, I know.

The bald facts are that I’m addicted to sex, cheating on my husband of 21 years so regularly that I’ve lost count of how many men I’ve slept with.

It’s over 50 but less than 100.

Some I’ve had short-lived affairs with, others are one-night stands.

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I’ve slept with my husband’s colleague at a work function and made a pass at a friend’s husband - he was a rare one that turned me down.

I’ve been out at dinner with a group of friends and slept with one of them in the toilet of the restaurant while his wife and my husband sat at the table.

I’ve even left the marital bed in a hotel to go downstairs and sleep with the barman that I fancied.

I can’t tell you how easy it is to find men that are up for it, married or single, from barmen to tennis coaches to men I’ve met on trains, as well as friends and colleagues.

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I’m brazen but all it takes is a whisper in the ear, a stroke on the arm, or slipping them your number.

I don’t worry about people gossiping about me because most of the men I meet are either married so they wouldn’t breathe a word, or they’re fleeting — like on holiday or a work trip.

As far as I know my husband has no idea or has chosen not to notice.

I’ve had my suspicions about him over the years too and have no desire to talk to him about it.

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part, I hope he is then I needn’t feel guilty.

We both want to stay married for our children and because our marriage works in other ways.

The reasons behind my numerous infidelities are complicated.

I love sex but find my husband boring in bed — it’s all far too familiar.

I also crave validation from men.

I’m attractive by most standards.

I’m slim with long legs, and I’ve got good hair.

But as a teenager I had greasy, mousy hair and was plagued with acne.

I love sex but find my husband boring in bed — it’s all far too familiar. I also crave validation from men. I’m attractive by most standards

Judy Saunders

While my friends were constantly asked out by the boys at school, I didn’t even warrant a second glance.

When I was 17 I blossomed, I discovered running and hair dye and my acne cleared up.

I started to get male attention and I loved it.

There was one boy who I’d had a crush on for four years.

I’ll never forget the buzz when he came sidling up to me and asked me out.

It gave me a feeling of power but also confidence, I was no longer invisible.

And having sex only increased those emotions.

He was the first man I slept with and I loved it.

Not just the act but the confirmation he found me attractive.

It ended when we went to different universities and knew it wouldn’t work out.

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At university I played the field but most of us did.

When my friends started settling down once we left, I realised I didn’t want to.

I liked the novelty of sleeping with different men. It was exciting when they realised I was up for it.

I think my mistake was ever getting married.

I should have just dated multiple men with them all knowing it wasn’t exclusive. But back then you expected to get married.

I met John and he swept me off my feet. I found him very attractive and the sex was great to start with.

While I enjoy my extramarital sex and crave it, I know I’m out of control and addicted

Judy Saunders

We got married after a year, when I was 26.

Though I was excited on my wedding day, I remember the night before worrying that I’d never sleep with anyone else and how much I’d miss it.

I was unfaithful a year later while I was away at a conference with a stranger at the hotel.

We were standing at the bar, got chatting while waiting for the barman to serve us and it went from there.

Though I was happy with John, I craved the novelty of sex with someone new and just feeling a different body.

I like finding out what men like in bed or learning something new from how they touch me.

I’ve become more reckless

After that first time, I did feel guilty. I remember going home to John, building myself up to confessing. But I couldn’t do it. I wanted to be married to him.

I’ve carried on being unfaithful continually except for each time I was pregnant and the first six months afterwards as I was too tired and on maternity leave I have little reason to leave home to find a new man.

We have two daughters aged 15 and 13. I always have safe sex so I’m in no doubt he’s their father.

But otherwise the practicalities of my infidelities are easy. I work long hours and travel quite a lot.

I’ve got two friends who’re always happy to be my alibi — one of them has a chaotic life and often asks me to come over to help her through some crisis or other, so I can always pretend I’ve gone to her house.

But I’ve become more and more reckless as the years pass.

I once took a boyfriend with me on a work trip and my husband found out because this man’s girlfriend found out and told him

Judy Saunders

I used to confine my infidelity to when I was working away.

Now I will do it under John’s nose.

We were once at a wedding and I had sex with the man on my right during the dinner.

I told him I was up for it, we went outside, did it in the bushes then I walked back in, without a care in the world and found John chatting to his mates by the bar.

I have had longer-term lovers, one man I’ve been seeing for several years on and off.

He’s the male equivalent of me and assures me I’m far from the only women looking for the quick thrill of sex with a stranger — and he should know.

I once took a boyfriend with me on a work trip and my husband found out because this man’s girlfriend found out and told him.

I swore blind nothing happened and he chose to believe me.

We have separate bedrooms because of John’s snoring but do still have sex occasionally.

But I stay out until all hours and just hope he doesn’t catch me coming home.

On the occasions he has, I have claimed I fell asleep at my friend’s house.

While I enjoy my extramarital sex and crave it, I know I’m out of control and addicted.

I’m not alone.

Dr Patrick Carnes who came up with the term “sex addiction” reckons one in five of the four million Brits who are sex addicts, are women.

But the thing is, I don’t want therapy because I don’t want to change yet.

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I know as well as being morally wrong, it is unhealthy because whatever I tell myself about it being fine I’d hate to see my daughters going down the same road.

• For more information, please contact the Association For Treatment of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, atsac.org.uk
• As told to: Claire Dunwell

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