Temperatures rising
I’m an A&E doc & sex among the staff on shift is rife – I’d once slept with every man in my dept
The doctor said gossiping about the funny moments provides 'light relief' from their 'hard and stressful' job
A 42-year-old female doctor, who has been working in hospitals for 19 years, has revealed to Fabulous the sterile corridors and restrooms for medical staff at your local hospital are often rife with kinky sex, drugs and rock and roll lifestyle.
Here she lifts the lid on A&E's dirty secrets...
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There’s a reason why I chose not to marry a doctor. I know exactly how they behave, particularly the male ones.
I learnt the hard way, I was engaged to one and he left me for a nurse.
Male doctors tend to sleep with nurses and the cliché is true male consultants sleep with their secretaries.
The majority are at it.
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I’ve learnt to knock on the restroom door – used for doctors on night shifts, before going in for a lie-down, lest there’s a couple having sex in there. I barged in once – never again!
The job we do is very hard and stressful, you’re confronted with death and illness every single day, so the counterpart is to party and have fun and make sure you make the most of life when you can.
I remember before I got married, sitting in team meetings and I’d slept with every male doctor in the room.
Seeing people with weird objects inside them often happens.
Secret doctor
We’d all swap and change partners all the time, though not together that I witnessed. It didn’t get awkward as we all knew the score.
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And marriage doesn’t stop a lot of them from indulging – it’s an easy job to cheat because you often have to work overtime or strange shifts, so partners can’t keep track of your movements.
We have wild parties when anything goes. I used to frequently sleep with doctors in the back of my car.
On one summer evening, I remember going outside in the garden of the house where the party was.
I didn’t realise we were doing it on an ant hill – I went back in covered with bites both from the ants and mosquitos, I looked like a complete state but everyone just found it hilarious.
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And of course, after the parties come the hangovers – but we’re well equipped to deal with that.
We often help ourselves to drugs particularly on the A and E wards as it’s hard to track the medicine in there. So we can take what we need, mostly painkillers and anti-sickness drugs.
There was one occasion when a group of us went out partying all night.
We went back to a doctor’s house and realised it was 5 am and our shift started at 8 am.
Luckily someone had some IV drips in the back of their car.
It was very cold outside, so they were half frozen but we popped them in the microwave and then set each other up.
I woke up two hours later, bleeding out into the bag. Got up, brushed myself down and went into work.
A male patient got an erection while I was putting in a catheter – that was awkward as his wife was just the other side of the curtain.
Secret doctor
And I felt fine to do it – though I suspect the patients wouldn’t have been too impressed if they knew.
On another occasion, I was vomiting constantly with a terrible hangover but one of my mates soon sorted it with anti-sickness pills.
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It’s a rare doctor that hasn’t raided the medicine cupboard and quite a few are hooked on prescription meds.
Though it’s a tough job there are some very funny moments – and we do gossip about them, without naming names, we need the light relief.
There was one woman who frequently came into A and E with something stuck inside her.
We'd often tak bets on what it would be next from hairbrushes to shampoo bottles.
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Seeing people with weird objects inside them often happens.
One man came in with a vibrator in his bottom – it was one that played a little tune as the battery ran down.
It wasn’t an emergency so the poor man was sitting there bleeping every few minutes and trying to pretend he didn’t know where it was coming from.
A lot of people will lie to us about what happened.
I used to find it amusing to pretend to believe them and ask for more and more information and detail.
I do wish patients wouldn’t lie though, it makes treating you so much more difficult. I have a couple of honest patients.
One admitted to me that she’d been having heart palpitations but wanted to take cocaine at a wedding.
So I arranged an ECG for her to check it was in working order, then was able to ring her up and tell her there was nothing wrong and she could go ahead – though I did caution her not to take too much.
The thing to remember is that we’re human too and we behave badly, recreational drugs are rife in the profession, the only difference is we’ve got a medical degree.
One of my worst jobs is inserting catheters it’s a very fiddly procedure.
On one occasion a male patient got over excited when I was doing it and got an erection – that was awkward as his wife was just the other side of the curtain.
I’m sure some doctors do have relationships with patients though I’ve never heard about it – it would get you struck off.
It’s never appealed to me remotely – you know far too much about people.
But a surprising amount of patients try it on with us.
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The least appealing one was when I was treating someone for an STD.
He sat there in front of me, with his girlfriend in the waiting room, admitting he was a cheat.
I was busy telling him he had chlamydia and just seconds later he asked me on a date. Quite how he imagined I’d accept I will never know!
Though I’d never have relationships with patients we do have favourite ones that we might spend more time with and take particular care.
But please don’t be rude to us.
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Though having said that I realise that mostly people are only obnoxious when they’re scared and vulnerable and the bottom line is we’re here to look after you.
So though it might be tempting to ‘lose the vein’ and stab you multiple times with the needle to get your blood test, we never would.
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