I wish my husband’s secret daughter had never come into our lives… she has ruined my perfect family
IT was a phone call out of the blue that blew apart Sasha Humphries’ family life.
She and husband Rob already had two teen girls, and now an 18-year-old woman claimed to be his love child.
But while electrician Rob, 53, has welcomed another daughter with open arms, 53-year-old Sasha tells Claire Dunwell she wishes she’d never found them.
SITTING in the restaurant, I saw a beautiful woman walking through the door and I felt sick.
I knew immediately it was her, Josie, the woman who was throwing a hand grenade into my life.
She was the spitting image of my two daughters. There was no way she wasn’t related to them.
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I realised then how much I’d been clinging to the hope that it was all a horrible mistake and my husband Rob’s past hadn’t come back to haunt us.
Josie was only 18 but so self- assured as she walked over to our table and introduced herself.
All I wanted to do was shove away this interloper. Instead, I plastered a smile on my face and pretended to be pleased to meet her. I’ve been pretending ever since — six long years.
I hope she doesn’t realise my true feelings, I’m not proud of them. But the truth is I don’t like her. I can’t bring myself to use the word hate, but I wish she’d never found us.
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Josie had always known she was adopted and at 18 she got her birth certificate, which only had her mum’s name on it, and tracked her down. She told her who her father was. Then she found Rob.
My husband turned white when he got the first call from her. I was beside him in the kitchen when she rang. He hadn’t even known his ex-girlfriend was pregnant.
They’d had a fling when he was 19 after meeting in a pub. It only lasted for two months.
He barely even mentioned her when we got together 22 years ago and had one of those chats that new couples have about past partners.
When he ended the call he explained she wanted to meet. He was in shock, but excited too.
He’s always been hands-on with our girls Fran, now 20, and Emma, 19, spending every moment with them when he’s not working as an electrician. He also felt enormous guilt.
It’s impossible not to feel a hint of jealousy
We’re not rich but we’ve managed with careful budgeting to have a comfortable life, enjoying a holiday abroad most years.
Josie’s adoptive father had left when she was five and her adoptive mum struggled to make ends meet, working all hours in a shop.
She’d missed out on luxuries and had little time with her frazzled mum. I only worked part-time when the girls were young.
Even before he met her, he went on about how much he wanted to make his absence up to her.
If he’d known she existed he’d have kept her.
I wish he had known. I’d have still fallen in love with him if he’d been a single dad but having this fully-fledged adult infiltrate our family is different.
That first meeting in the restaurant, two weeks after her initial contact, lasted for hours.
I sat there while I watched Rob fall in love with her. It was nothing sexual of course, but I could have been invisible as he asked her questions about her life.
She felt like a rival and a threat to our happy family. I think many parents love their kids more than their partner, and here was someone that he immediately loved, and has grown to love more than me.
It’s impossible not to feel a hint of jealousy.
I didn’t take to her from the start. Josie is hard. I feel sympathy, she had to learn to fend for herself.
But it means she will take anything she thinks she can get. I think she’s resentful she missed out and is determined to make up for lost time, materially and emotionally.
I find her spoilt and entitled. She’s never acknowledged it might be tough for me
I find her spoilt and entitled. She’s never acknowledged it might be tough for me. She has bulldozed herself into our lives and inserts herself into every occasion.
The girls love her. They were excited when we told them about her after that lunch and met her a week later.
They were only 14 and 13, and were impressed by her. She’d left home and was working in a trendy bar in Milton Keynes. She’s always made an effort with them, I can’t fault her for that.
She’s never had a DNA test but it’s so clear she’s related to Rob and the girls.
I feel like the outsider
That’s one of the things that hurts, I’d always thought the girls looked a bit like me but now I realise they don’t.
When all of them are together, I feel like the outsider, they all look so similar.
My girls have left home now. Fran works in London in marketing and Emma is studying to be a doctor.
When they come home I want it to be the four of us but Rob invites Josie all the time. Even if I arrange to meet with one of them, he suggests I invite Josie too — that drives me mad.
She’s also constantly on the phone to Rob, asking him to help her out of some disaster or other, from a blocked toilet to financial handouts.
It takes nearly two hours to get to her in Milton Keynes but he’ll go whenever she calls.
Sometimes, I feel like she’s the “other woman” coming into our marriage.
I resent how he’ll drop everything. He’s much tougher on our girls, telling them to stand on their own two feet, because he feels no guilt about their upbringing.
He won’t give them extra money. I end up sneaking it to them from my savings to make up for it.
Fortunately, they don’t realise the extent of his help as that would be damaging for them.
It also annoys me that Josie is often late or cancels arrangements at the last minute. He never pulls her up on it but takes out his disappointment and frustration on the rest of us.
Two years ago she met a lovely man and she’s now more settled.
But four months ago she had a baby. I love her son, I’m not a monster, but I’m jealous that Rob is a grandfather before me.
Josie’s arrival put a huge strain on our marriage
I know technically I’m a step-grandmother, but it isn’t the same. I wanted being grandparents to be something we did together.
And if I’m brutally honest I feel he’s pushed me further down the pecking order in his affections.
Equally, I don’t agree with Josie’s parenting. She sees her baby as an accessory.
There are countless pictures of her on social media smiling with him. In real life it’s her partner that does most of the heavy lifting.
Josie’s arrival put a huge strain on our marriage. Rob and I agree about most things but he won’t hear a word against Josie. He loves her unconditionally and can’t understand why I don’t too.
I had to have counselling to come to terms with my thoughts. And I’ve learnt to bite my lip and not point out her faults to Rob.
But deep down I feel our marriage will never be the same again.
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I’ll never understand how women manage when men father a love child through cheating. This has been tough enough.
- ALL NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED