I own a fish & chip shop – 6 customers we hate, a parenting move is infuriating & don’t penny pinch on an essential buy

NOTHING beats a chippy tea with lashings of salt and vinegar.

It’s long been the nation’s favourite and despite a fish supper now costing more than double than it did five years ago, it still tastes just as good.

According to the Office of National Statistics, a portion has jumped by 52 percent since July 2019, from £6.48 on average to as much as £9.88 today.

Chippies blame high energy costs and poor potato harvests for the hikes in price and despite our pockets taking a battering, one takeaway chippy owner says his business is booming.

He works gruelling 50-hour weeks in the South East to keep his customers’ fed but says there’s six types he can’t stand because they make his job even harder…

The vinegar drencher 

The lowest of the chip shop low are the customers who place an order to take home, and before it’s wrapped they use the complimentary bottle of vinegar on the counter to douse their fish and chips.

I sell bottles of vinegar for just 95p, they don’t cost the earth. 

This sort of customer pours on copious amounts and it seeps through a dozen sheets of greaseproof paper - needless to say, we no longer wrap fish and chips in newspaper. That went out when health and safety madness came in. 

One time, a customer actually pushed the end of the vinegar spout through the batter and into a fish.

The toddler dumper

Mums who have tired arms rest their toddlers on the chippy counter right next to where the food is wrapped. It’s infuriating AND unhygienic. 

Whenever it happens in my shop I make a point of getting out the anti-bac spray so other mums who are in the queue know it’s very unhygienic and don’t chance it. 

It takes up valuable time and my queue gets bigger. 

There’s a man who comes in my shop who does it every single time and he still hasn’t taken the hint. 

It’s a takeaway counter - not a high chair.

The carrier bag dodger

When it became law that we all have to pay for carrier bags in shops and takeaways my customers still expected a free one. I charge 10p, that’s less than the supermarkets do. 

It amazes me that someone is happy to spend £50 on fish and chips for their family of five but refuses to cough up a measly 10p for a bag. 

When they leave the shop I watch with glee when their fish ends up on the pavement or the lid drops off their curry sauce pot.

That’s what I call karma. 

The last-minute chancer 

At the end of every single session I get at least one customer who expects free food. 

It’s the sort who stroll in when every light in the shop has been switched off. That’s a signal the shop is about to shut and the pans are switched off. 

Yet they walk in, as bold as brass, and ask: ‘Have you got anything left?’

They’re hoping I’ll send them off with a free chip butty - no chance.

If it’s a regular who is running late then I have no choice but to bite my tongue because I want their repeat custom.

But otherwise no such luck - one woman had the nerve to tut and storm out when I refused to serve her 20 mins past closing time. She hasn’t been back, I’m glad.

The dog feeders

I have nothing against animals, dogs especially, but when folk come in for a couple of sausages which I cook to order and then tell me with a smile that they’re for the dog, not them, I fume.

My job is to serve humans, not animals. I work 50 hours a week and I’m rushed off my feet as it is keeping my customers fed - I don’t have the time or the energy to make sure the nation’s pets are too.  

The change chasers 

Banks charge small business owners like me for change so when you come in with a £20 note and order a £1.50 cone of chips, it’s a joke.

I know why you do it - you know the bus or taxi driver will complain if you try to pay then with a note so you want to rinse me of my change.

At the end of the day I’m here to sell food, I’m not a bureau de change.