GIFT OF LIFE
I could’ve died weeks before a surrogate delivered my baby – my brother’s the only reason I lived to see her grow up
The number of parents having a baby via surrogate in England and Wales has almost quadrupled in the last 10 years
MAGDA Barton, 36, an online learning company manager, lives in Edinburgh with her husband Tom, 37, a university lecturer, and their daughter Hannah, 22 months.
“As the midwife passed my newborn, I held her and promptly burst into tears. My husband Tom and I couldn’t believe that after years of struggling, we finally had the baby we’d dreamed of. It was all thanks to our surrogate Sarah* and my brother Maciej – who had risked his health to give me a life-saving kidney.
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Tom and I met aged 18, and we knew we wanted kids.
After we married in August 2013, we began trying, but three years passed and I still hadn’t fallen pregnant.
Tests proved inconclusive, which was so frustrating.
In 2016, I began having problems with my vision.
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It turned out I had an undiagnosed autoimmune disease, which had resulted in early-stage kidney failure.
Thankfully, it was stabilised with medication, which I was told I’d need to take indefinitely, but nobody could predict if or when my kidney function would deteriorate.
Doctors said I’d eventually need a transplant, which was a huge shock, but I remained positive.
The desire to have a baby overrode everything else, and we saw no reason why we couldn’t still be parents.
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Meanwhile, I was referred for IVF on the NHS, and two years later, I began the procedure.
However, my kidney function declined from 30% to 15%, and our obstetrician advised against carrying a baby myself, suggesting we find a surrogate.
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It wasn’t an easy decision, but apart from feeling tired, I was well enough, so we went with IVF, harvesting my eggs and creating embryos.
Sarah, who was in her 40s, got in touch, explaining she’d already been a surrogate for two couples – her family was complete and she wanted to help others
In 2021, we joined the Childlessness Overcome Through Surrogacy (COTS) Facebook group.
Before being approved to join the private group to match with surrogates, we had to have DBS and police checks, and create a profile detailing what kind of people we were and why we wanted to start a family, so a surrogate would feel we would match her criteria.
Sarah, who was in her 40s, got in touch, explaining she’d already been a surrogate for two couples – her family was complete and she wanted to help others.
I was put on the transplant list
We chatted online, before I met her that August, and we got on brilliantly.
She later met Tom, and she introduced us to her husband.
We all agreed it could work and signed the papers.
COTS supported us throughout, and made the whole process much less stressful.
The embryo transfer took place in March 2021, and two weeks later, we did a pregnancy test at Sarah’s, which was positive.
There were countless tears of joy.
We were in touch with Sarah at every point during the pregnancy.
We’d sit with her, talk to the baby and support her in any way we could.
We covered all her expenses, including physio, travel and time off work, using our savings.
But a few months later, I began to grow more tired.
Tests revealed my kidney function had now deteriorated to end-stage, and I was put on the transplant list, which was so frightening.
Tests revealed my kidney function had now deteriorated to end-stage.
The best chance of finding a match for me was a relative, so my younger brother Maciej, 35, and my parents insisted on being tested.
Maciej was a perfect match and he wanted to go ahead.
I was worried for his young family and I didn’t want to risk his health but, despite it all, he was adamant. I was so grateful.
Ten weeks before our baby was due, we got the transplant date and the op was scheduled for September 20.
I was so worried – what if it didn’t work?
Would I get to meet our daughter?
What if something went wrong with Maciej?
Thankfully, it all went as planned – my body accepted the kidney with no issues, and Maciej also recovered well.
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On November 11, 2022, Tom and I were with Sarah when our daughter Hannah was born.
It was the best moment of my life.
Now, my kidney function is excellent, and Hannah has been a complete joy.
Tom and I will be forever grateful to Sarah, who we still see regularly, and my brother, who I’m now closer to than ever.
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That these two people would give us such a gift is incredible – I will never be able to thank them enough.”
BTW
The number of parents having a baby via surrogate in England and Wales has almost quadrupled in the last 10 years.**
Find out more about COTS and surrogacy at .
- Name has been changed
- Words: Donna Smiley & Matthew Barbour
- Photography: Anna Kowalik
- Source: **University of Kent & My Surrogacy Journey
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