I THOUGHT we'd reach peak WAG war when Wagatha Christie sent shockwaves through the football world.
But the court battle between Lauryn Goodman and Kyle Walker puts Coleen and Rebekah firmly in the shade - and it's the talk of the WAG world.
My jaw dropped when I saw the list of ridiculous demands that Lauryn had given Kyle throughout their child maintenance battle, which all came to light yesterday.
Her demands to Kyle ranged from a £70,000 Mercedes, to be replaced every three years, to £31,200 worth of astro turf for the garden of her £2.4m home in Sussex, which Kyle had bought for her and their children, Kairo and Kinara.
Who needs a new Mercedes every three years? Who does she think she is, Lewis Hamilton?
Lizzie Cundy
And don't get me started on the £30k car for the nanny, again, to be upgraded every three years, with driving lessons thrown in the mix.
My word, I’ve never wanted to be a nanny so much!
Let’s be serious here though, Lauryn’s shopping list is simply absurd.
Not even Mariah Carey, JLo and Ivana Trump in her heyday would’ve asked for such decadence.
Yes, Kyle is the father of Lauryn’s children and yes, he’s worth £27m.
But I know billionaires and footballers who are worth a hell of a lot more than that and they would baulk at these sorts of demands.
Who needs a new Mercedes every three years? Who does she think she is, Lewis Hamilton?
And this was a game she could - and should - have won.
Lizzie Cundy
She wanted £500 every month for her hot tub and £1,440 a month for a cleaner, claiming her place has huge windows and a giant glass staircase.
Lauryn love, save yourself a few quid, grab a cloth and some white wine vinegar, and you’ll get the job done yourself in no time.
£30,000 Air conditioning
£31,200 Astroturf pitch
£20,000 Furnishing fund
£70,000 Car allowance every three years
£14,750 per month/£150,000 a year in child maintenance for both children
£3,900 per month childcare costs for Kinara of 30 hours per week at £30 an hour
£30,000 Car for the nanny, to be replaced every three years
A bespoke wood and glass baby gate
A gardener at a cost of £28 per hour - “The lawn mower is heavy”
£171.81 per month for two mobile phones - one for family, one for friends
An iron - “I do have a steamer but it leaks”
£800 Water filters
£2,000+ Garden furniture
£1,499 Garden chairs and table
£6,250 Wardrobes
£2,149 Outdoor lighting
£9,000 Blinds
£1,619 Oven
£996 Bar stools
£15,396 sofas
£3,925 Sofa beds
WHAT HE'S PAID FOR ALREADY
£1,059,717 for his and Lauryn's legal fees
£2.4 million house in Sussex for Lauryn
£9,188 per month child maintenance for Kairo
£7,000 per month child maintenance for Kinara
£245,000 Lauryn’s legal fees for financial hearing relating to Kinara 2024
£48,000 new wardrobes at Lauryn’s home
£52,164 new blinds and curtains
£9,115 CCTV cameras
£5,651 burglar alarm
£30,000 ‘Wish list’ for Kinara
£27,000 ‘Maternity’ nanny for Kinara
£16,678 to secure the nanny
£5,590 per month for childcare costs
£10,000 property management fund
£75,000 furnishing fund
£28,000 replacement gates for the house
£10,000 Kairo’s fourth birthday party
£73,000 Premium bonds and an ISA for Kairo
£40,840 To clear some of Lauryn's debts
I’ve been a WAG myself, but I certainly wouldn’t have gone down the same road Lauryn has.
I know her and have always liked her - but her actions have done her a real disservice.
Kyle obviously feels like he’s been taken advantage of and the judge in the case clearly agrees, dismissing the majority of Lauryn’s outrageous demands and blasting her for using the Manchester City defender as ‘an open ended chequebook”. Ouch.
The problem is, while Kyle is very obviously in the wrong, having cheated on his beautiful wife Annie and fathering two children with Lauryn secretly, it’s Lauryn who has made herself look like the villain.
She’s a good mother. But she’s played this all wrong."
Lizzie Cundy
Lauryn is a lovely girl and I, like many others, felt for her when she went over to the Euros, to much criticism, determined that her little boy would see his daddy play for his country.
She’s a good mother. But she’s played this all wrong.
Instead of coming out of this with more sympathy and a legion of scorned women on her side, she’s actually made Kyle look like the hero.
Apparently, Lauryn makes no more than £1200 a month of her own money, through blogs and social media posts and is worth £10,000.
Lauryn ostracised herself immediately, and it’s never a good idea to be the Yoko Ono of the football world.
Lizzie Cundy
That said, I don’t think she set out with an ulterior motive to get as much money as she could out of Kyle, or to trap him for financial gain.
I know that Lauryn was very much in love with Kyle and truly believed he would leave Annie and their four sons for her.
And when that didn’t happen, things changed.
Maybe she did this out of bitterness and revenge for what he did to her.
But Lauryn should have been smarter and played the long game. That’s what I would have done if I were in her shoes.
Yes, I would have been hurt - believe me, footballers are a handful, I should know - but I would have taken a step back, not gone to the Euros, not demanded excessive amounts and not hurt everyone in the process.
If Lauryn had asked for less from Kyle rather than demanding special glass-coated stair gates and a £33,000 air conditioning system and kept a dignified silence rather than doing tell-all interviews and trying to get a reality show off the ground, perhaps they could’ve had a more amicable relationship.
And in doing so, she would have come out of this mess looking a whole lot better and profited more in the long run.
After all, in my experience, the best revenge comes from your own success and happiness.
On the other hand, Kyle’s long suffering wife Annie has been graceful and cool throughout the ordeal, which must have been incredibly embarrassing and traumatic for her.
She’s clearly a very private woman who has stayed silent throughout, though she will be seething behind closed doors, I’m sure.
I can’t help but feel sorry for her. And I can understand why the other WAGs shunned Lauryn at the Euros.
No matter how much money you have, no one likes to be taken the mick out of, and there’s no question Kyle felt Lauryn was doing just that.
Lizzie Cundy
There she was, turning up with the cameras and the KW necklace - that is automatically going to upset the other footballers, wives and partners, many of whom are close friends with Annie.
Lauryn ostracised herself immediately, and it’s never a good idea to be the Yoko Ono of the football world.
Speaking of the football world, this court case is really the talk of the town right now, and everyone I’ve spoken to is dumbfounded by Lauryn’s own goal.
I know for a fact a lot of wags actually had sympathy for her, myself included, when all this kicked off, but that’s gone by the wayside now and people are just talking about how ridiculous her demands are.
And let’s face it, no matter how much money you have, no one likes to be taken the mick out of, and there’s no question Kyle felt Lauryn was doing just that.
I think he’s come across as a reasonable man, who has been very generous in what he has already paid for, including the house, an £8,000 holiday to Mexico for her and £110,000 in maintenance for their son, which Lauryn wanted increased to £177,000.
She’s tried to play one of our country’s biggest players (in a footballing sense) but she’s not played it right.
And this was a game she could - and should - have won.
