TOYBOY TROUBLE
I’m 50 & have had endless toyboys – yes, they’re hot but dating them always causes two big problems
Watch Amanda's video above to learn the sexual practice which put her off toyboys for good
AS I stared into the eyes of my gorgeous 22-year-old date, I imagined our future together.
Like a scene from a film, I pictured all the fun times we were surely about to share.
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The hours of energetic sex, the spontaneous dates we’d enjoy, the new things I could learn from him.
But as he stared back at me like an adoring puppy dog, he took my hand and whispered softly: “You wouldn’t mind doing my laundry, would you? I’ve brought a load with me.”
Like many older women, I had often wondered if dating a toyboy could be the answer to my relationship prayers.
After all, younger men are great in bed, right? Their libidos are through the roof, they’re keen to learn more and they’re usually really hot.
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And what’s more, the conversation will be interesting, you’ll be treated to nights out at super trendy places and be made to feel years younger.
But I was slowly learning this wasn’t always the case.
I was 36 when my 22-year-old lover revealed himself to be more of a needy teen than a manly man, and now I’ve reached 50, I’m finally done with younger guys — for good.
In my quest to find Mr Right, I’ve dated my fair share of toyboys.
Most read in Fabulous
And, as Bridget Jones might write in her diary, it’s not always a v.v. good idea.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes when I read that One Day star Leo Woodall, 27, has been cast as Bridget’s toyboy in Mad About The Boy, the upcoming fourth instalment of the film franchise.
Official trailer for Bridget Jones's Diary starring Renée Zellweger, Colin Firth and Hugh Grant
Lifeless and dead-eyed
While fans are salivating over the idea of 55-year-old Renee Zellweger getting down to business with a gorgeous young hunk, I just can’t get on board with the hype.
If anything, I feel sorry for poor Bridget, having to deal with the nightmare that is dating a toyboy.
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There’s no doubt Leo — and I’m sure the character he’ll play — is effortlessly cool, handsome and charming, but when you’re in your 50s, a woman needs a lot more than that to maintain a healthy, stable relationship.
As an incredibly sexual person, my experience with younger men has stemmed from my desire to have a loving relationship with someone who is on my wavelength.
Someone who is as fun loving, energetic and young at heart as I am.
My experience with younger men has stemmed from my desire to have a loving relationship with someone who is on my wavelength
I’ve yet to find that person and I remain single, but it has become more clear over the years that toyboys just aren’t where it’s at.
Actually, I’ve always fancied older men, but younger lads seemed to gravitate towards me.
I’m confident and assertive, so I guess toyboys saw me as a good option, an older woman who would take the lead in life — and in the bedroom.
But that’s the one place where it’s not as fun as you would think.
Firstly, in my experience, a toyboy wants a sexual guide. Someone to show him the ropes while he sits back and enjoys the ride, if you pardon my expression.
My 22-year-old, Stuart, would beg me to teach him tantric sex, but he would lie there lifeless and dead-eyed while I did all the work.
I wanted so much to have new experiences of my own, and yet in the bedroom I just took on the role of teacher.
Younger men don’t really understand what to do in the bedroom, I believe, because sex is really just a physical thing for them.
They might have a higher libido, but I’ve yet to find one who understands the sensuality and connection that should come from good lovemaking.
Yes, they have more energy but I’ve always been a “quality over quantity” girl.
'I was yelled at in the street because my boyfriend was in his mid twenties'
The Sun's Agony Aunt Sally Land agrees there's important factors to consider before embarking on a relationship with a younger partner...
Older women in age gap relationships are often seen as predatory and society is not always kind towards these lovers.
One memorable email came from a female reader in her early forties who had been yelled at in the street and called a paedophile because her boyfriend was in his mid twenties.
While older men who date younger women are often more accepted and seen as ‘lucky’.
I regularly hear from people in age gap relationships who are worried about going public, or they feel the relationship is getting too serious, or they want more commitment than their partner is able to provide.
I’d urge any older partner who tends towards younger lovers to ask themselves whether their need for someone much younger could have anything to do with feeling inadequate among people in their age group. This pattern can be caused by self-esteem issues.
And younger lovers definitely need to think about whether they are looking for a parent figure. In this case an age gap relationship can stunt their development as they’ll always be dependent on their surrogate mum or dad.
I also hear from plenty of older female readers who end up babysitting their lover, the initial attraction of an energetic and enthusiastic younger man, regularly gives way to annoyance and frustration with their manchild who expects their laundry to be done.
That said, there are plenty of age gap couples who make it work in the long term largely because they have the same life goals.
That woman who was abused in the street with her younger boyfriend? They went on to tell their families, they had twins and are happily married still.
I blame a lot of this on porn. From what I have seen, men in their twenties are absolutely addicted.
When I was 40, I took a 25-year-old I was seeing, called Michael, to watch a screening of Moulin Rouge, a film that had been released 14 years prior.
He’d never heard of it and I thought it could be a real cultural learning moment for him, but halfway through the movie I turned to see him watching porn on his phone.
I was completely gobsmacked. I couldn’t believe the disrespect. So I got up, walked off and we never spoke again.
Incidents like this would crush me at the time, as I’d see yet another boyfriend bite the dust, but equally it reminded me never to settle.
When I met Stuart at the gym, I thought he was gorgeous and fun and I really enjoyed getting to know him initially.
Likewise, meeting Michael on a dating app was fun at first, but I quickly realised I deserve someone who could sit through a film with me for more than 20 minutes without feeling the need to get his rocks off on his mobile.
And that’s the problem. These lads can sweep you off your feet at first and seem to love the novelty of dating an older woman, but what happens after the honeymoon period?
How realistic is a long-term relationship if you’re in your late 40s and he suddenly decides he wants kids?
The stark truth is that toyboys don’t often become your “happy ever after”.
And so it became clear after a while that I needed more than the initial buzz of dating a hot young guy to sustain a decent relationship.
House-trained
For me, the overriding issue I have with toyboys is how quickly you can turn into their mum.
And I can tell you right now, I’m not the sort of woman who finds cooking and cleaning for a man in any way sexy.
When I was in my late 40s I dated a man, James, who was in his thirties and still lived with his mother.
The overriding issue I have with toyboys is how quickly you can turn into their mum
He would come over to my house and expect dinner to be made, or I would sit and watch as he’d endlessly scroll through his phone, paying me no attention, but rather obsessively liking pictures of hot models on Instagram. It was heartbreaking.
My confidence would falter and I became a shell of myself. It took a long time to break up with him, mainly due to that.
Likewise, Michael thought I would clean up the piles of clothes and food he’d casually drop on the floor of my house.
I remember him cracking open pistachios and dropping the shells like a Hansel and Gretel trail.
These grown men just seemed like little boys, who’d never been house-trained, and had a complete lack of respect for my space.
There was also the issue of scheduling. Stuart, being a 22-year-old, wanted nothing more than to party, which is fair on his part.
Unfortunately, when he’d ring up his mates at 1am on a work night, to organise parties when I was trying to sleep, that was unfair on me.
After one late-night call I threw his clothes out of the window in a rage and that was the end of that relationship.
If you’re wondering why I kept going back to younger men, as if I hadn’t learnt my lesson from Stuart, Michael and eventually James, it was because I like to keep an open mind when it comes to dating and I try to give each person the benefit of the doubt.
I’m far from the only one to be partial to a toyboy. Recently This Morning’s Alison Hammond, 49, stepped out with David Putman, a man 20 years her junior.
Madonna, now 65, has had more than her fair share of young lovers, most of them half her age. She’s currently dating a football player called Josh Popper, who is 30.
Then there’s Cher, who at 77 is in a relationship with Alexander Edwards, a man 40 years younger.
I see why these women get hooked. I too would get swept up in the fun of it before it would all come crashing down.
Sadly, it feels like most toyboys are happier having a second mum than they are a mature girlfriend.
While there are obviously some wonderful younger men out there, who I’m sure would make great partners, I do think it’s slim pickings.
That’s why I am committing to dating only older men now.
Mature men have manners, they have life experience, they’re more patient.
Many have been married before so they understand commitment. They take the lead in bed and make you feel sexy.
I’m a curious and intellectual person and as I’ve grown older, I’ve enjoyed the respect, intimacy and knowledge of an older gentleman.
While I continue on my dating journey, I’d urge other single women to steer clear of toyboys
When I’m with them I get butterflies, it’s my turn to feel like a young, giggly girl.
So while I continue on my dating journey, I’d urge other single women to steer clear of toyboys.
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Yes, they can be hard to resist at first, but trust me, when it comes to an interesting and fulfilling relationship, I’d stick to the oldies.
- Some names have been changed.
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