WHO'S THE DADDY
My ex doesn’t know he’s not our son’s real father – I don’t care if people judge me it’s the right thing to do
The mum believes there are many mums doing what she has done
THE number of people applying to find out the identity of their parents has almost DOUBLED in the past year.
One woman whose former partner is still unaware that he is not the father of her child, and a man who found out he wasn’t really ‘Dad’, tell their stories.
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Screaming in agony, Jessica pushed with all her strength to give birth.
Holding her hand and urging her to keep going was Tom, her partner of around nine months.
Then, after a ten-hour labour, the couple’s first son was born, weighing just under 6lb.
“You’re the perfect family,” Jessica, 30, now recalls the midwife declaring.
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And while Jessica was joyous over giving birth to Ben, she knew those words were not entirely true — Ben’s true dad was another man who she had briefly dated.
She found out she was pregnant before even having sex with Tom and decided, not wanting an abortion, to “fast-track” her relationship with him.
To this day, Tom doesn’t know his beloved son is not biologically his. And he’s not alone.
Around a million people in the UK wrongly believe the man they call Dad is their biological father.
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Figures obtained under the Freedom of Information act by family law firm Vardags and released to Fabulous reveal the number of people applying to find out the identity of their parents has almost DOUBLED in the past year.
Var-dags itself has seen a threefold rise in the number of enquiries from men citing paternity fraud.
The firm’s founder-president, divorce lawyer Ayesha Vardag, says: “It’s down to the rise of ancestry and DNA sites, plus more and more parents-to-be checking for congenital illnesses.
“The figures we’ve provided are conservative estimates — the figure is likely much higher.”
Bike rides and Peppa Pig
Even celebrities are not immune to paternity fraud.
Last week The Sun revealed how former Chelsea footballer Geremi has filed for divorce after DNA tests showed his two children were fathered by his wife’s ex.
The now retired Cameroonian midfielder, 45, said the couple’s twins were born after wife Laure had a fling.
But Jessica, from the East Midlands, insists she will never tell Tom he is not Ben’s dad — despite the couple having since split due to unrelated stresses.
She says of her ex: “I lied and let him raise Ben thinking he was his.
“His name’s on the birth certificate and he acts like Ben’s father — teaching him how to ride a bike and watching Peppa Pig with him.
“That’s how it will stay.”
Tom still sees Ben regularly and his family treat the boy like he is blood.
Meanwhile Jessica believes there are many mums doing what she has done — and she reckons they are sensible.
“All mums have a duty of care to their children and that includes getting them the best dad possible,” she says.
“I don’t care what other people think.
“It’s the right thing for my son and his ‘fake’ father.
“I made a conscious decision to tell Tom he was the father.
“I won’t be criticised because of that but I won’t be admitting it either as it would just hurt both Ben and Tom.”
Tom’s the best father Ben could ever have. I regret Ben isn’t Tom’s biological baby. There were times I almost came clean
Jessica had just split with a boyfriend who was “more of a fling” when she got with Tom then found she was pregnant, owing to failed contraception.
But she could not bring her-self to terminate the pregnancy.
She says: “My ex was overbearing and unreliable.
“He didn’t want to settle down or have kids.
“He was a party boy.
“So when I met Tom on a girls’ night out, and we got chatting and he asked me out, he seemed like the perfect tonic.
“We just kissed, nothing more.”
What she didn’t know was that she was already pregnant.
But a week later, having missed a period and with tender breasts, she took a pregnancy test.
“I felt a wave of shock, anxiety and fear wash over me as I watched it turn positive,” she says.
“I made an instant decision to find a father for my child and called Tom to arrange a meal that night.
“We had dinner at a restaurant before having sex at his house.
Make-or-break moment
“He was solid and safe.
“He had already told me he wanted children.
“He had a mortgage and I knew he was interested in me.
“He was the opposite of my ex.
“I felt guilty fast-tracking the relationship but knew Tom would give my baby and me the stability we needed.”
The pair were soon spending every night together, having “wall-to-wall sex”.
But she said: “I knew I had to wait four to six weeks before announcing the pregnancy.
“I also knew I’d have to fudge the due date when I revealed it.
“I was prepared to do that.
“I wanted a family with a family man.”
So, not long after meeting Tom, Jessica revealed she was pregnant.
“It was a make-or-break moment,” she says.
“Tom looked stunned — before hugging me and saying that he couldn’t wait.”
He came to every pre-natal appointment, which she loved.
“At the back of my mind was that I would be found out,” she admits.
“But I told him I hadn’t had sex for ages before we met.”
She also fudged the due date.
“I felt guilty about this,” she says.
“I worried it would jinx the birth or a family member would do the maths.
“But that didn’t happen, no one noticed.”
Recalling the birth, Jessica says: “Watching Tom hold my son and proudly show him off confirmed I’d made the right decision.
“The real biological father was a deadbeat.
“He was still larking about, cheating on his new girlfriend.”
Two years later they then welcomed a daughter, Lily, who is Tom’s biological child.
Jessica says of her two children: “They look different but people see what they want to.”
Although she and Tom have now gone different ways, Jessica has no desire to spill the beans.
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“Even when we have had terrible rows I didn’t reveal the truth,” she says.
“It would break Ben and break Tom.
“Nurture is more important than nature.
“Tom’s the best father Ben could ever have.
“He wanted him and he needed him.
“I do regret that Ben isn’t Tom’s biological baby.
“There were times I almost came clean, worried he might do a DNA test, but Tom has never questioned me.
“In my dark days I accepted what I did was wrong but when I see how amazing Ben and Tom are together I know I need to keep silent.”
Jessica admits she would do it all again.
“Being a biological dad doesn’t make you a wonderful father,” she says.
“Fathering a baby doesn’t make you a good dad.”
But her views are not shared by Lee, who was hoodwinked into raising a baby who was not his.
He recalls “bawling his eyes out” after baby Charlotte arrived in 2018.
“She would say, ‘Dada!’”
“I’d split from my wife Martha but after she announced she was expecting we got back together,” the now 39-year-old, from the North West, says.
“Our marriage wasn’t going well so we’d split but on that same day I left she told me ‘I’m pregnant!’
“So I went back.
“We tried to work through it and my name was on the birth certificate.”
Lee loved being a dad and making his mum a gran.
“Charlotte would say ‘Dada!’ and I felt so proud,” he says.
“Seeing her crawl melted my heart.”
But as she grew, Lee got suspicious.
“It was just a glimpse out of the corner of my eye at first,” he says.
“Then I’d look at her clearly and think ‘She doesn’t look like me’.”
By this point it was lockdown and hard to get out and about so he ordered a DNA test to do at home, taking swabs from Charlotte as she slept.
“I waited ten days, it was hell,” he says.
“I loved Charlotte but gut instinct screamed, ‘She’s not biologically yours’.”
When he then saw the test result, which Fabulous has also seen, it showed there was zero chance Charlotte was Lee’s child.
“I was heartbroken,” he says.
“I called Martha and told her she had to come home.
“A fight ensued and from there I took a legal DNA test.”
This revealed the same result. “The little girl I had loved as mine was not mine,” Lee says.
The little girl I loved as mine was not mine. Telling my mum, who adored her, was devastating. Why would any woman do such a thing?
“Telling my mum, who adored her, was devastating.
“It had a ripple effect across the entire family.
“I really just can’t understand how anyone could do such a thing.”
It emerged Charlotte was the result of an affair and now Lee doesn’t see her, something which he still struggles with.
“I’ve had therapy and tried to come to terms with it but it’s not easy,” he says, adding he has now divorced Martha.
“It’s like an episode of EastEnders.”
Fabulous contacted Martha, who declined to comment.
Ms Vardag adds: “I have seen families riven by permanent damage as women have made their partners and children live a lie.
“Equally, when women were truthful, I’ve seen the non-biological father embrace the child as his own.
“Nowadays you’re so likely to get caught you’re better off coming clean and making something good, for child and parents, of whatever comes of it.
“Legally, the woman stands to lose very little financially if found out.
“But emotionally she could suffer hugely.
“She could lose her marriage and her relationship with her child.
“There is almost always the same situation — an affair or fling.
“Sometimes the woman isn’t sure, or just goes along with it.
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“But it’s a heavy burden to carry.”
- Some names have been changed
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