What causes you to lose your libido? Dr Pam Spurr reveals the nine things you HAVE to know about your lack of sexual desire
Have you been searching for your sexual desire? We might be able to help...
Our sex and relationship columnist Dr Pam Spurr regularly brings you must-know info for the bedroom and beyond. Follow Dr Pam on Twitter @drpamspurr
Have you been searching for your sexual desire? Where's it gone, you wonder? After all, I was once keen for a quickie or ready for a full-on romp, you think.
What causes you to lose your libido? Here are nine ways to turn things around...
Relight Desire No. 1: Is their technique a turn-off? Countless people confide that despite loving their partner, he/she lacks finesse when it comes to friskiness.
If instead of teasing your nipples he’s twiddling them like a radio knob.
Or when you want her to be gentle she’s jerking your manhood around, things must change.
Whisper seductively a little guidance. It only takes: yes do that, but more gently. Or: more of that please but slower, etc., to sort them out.
Relight Desire No. 2: Is stress squashing desire? In 40% of cases people say they’re too stressed for sex. Together look at simplifying your lives and how you can make things easier. Say "no" to extra responsibilities, and help each other out.
Relight Desire No. 3: Be prepared! Couples report that scrambling around for their "sexy things" when suddenly they both have energy kills the mood.
Have a "pleasure chest" at the bedside. Stock it with luscious lubricant, sensual massage oil, a blindfold, your sex toys, etc. Making sex easy goes a long way.
Relight Desire No. 4: Romance can rev things up.
In one out of five cases of lack of desire, people report lack of romance means they don’t feel their partner cares about them.
Show you care with a candlelit dinner, flirty messages during the day, genuine compliments, run him/her a bath and light it with candles, etc.
Once they’re in the bath turn the romance into a red-hot moment. Slowly run a waterproof sex toy around her breasts or down his abdomen.
Relight Desire No. 5: Lifestyle affects your love life! Remember if you’re fuelling yourself with junk food, your energy levels plunge. Excess drinking, smoking and lack of exercise results in zero desire.
Together make small changes towards a healthier lifestyle.
Relight Desire No. 6: Fantasy-play’s been shown to take you out of yourselves.
That’s fantastic if life’s pretty stressed (don’t forget tip No. 2!). Carve out time to share your fantasies. Take turns describing sexy scenarios.
He might describe how you’re both strangers and he asks you for directions. She asks him to hop in her car, but soon she’s taken hold of more than the gearshift!
Relight Desire No. 7: Check out medications aren’t dampening down desire. Many antidepressants, blood-pressure medication, birth control pill, etc., have the side-effect of squashing sexiness.
Ask your doctor about this and if needs be, change your medication under their guidance.
Relight Desire No. 8: Doing the same old, same old… gets very old! Go on, ask your partner if they’ve any secret desires. Maybe they’d love to romp somewhere daring like behind the pub.
Or maybe they’d like to try a new position like The Sling – she leans against a wall, high heels on. He moves in and slips one arm under one of her thighs (like a sling) to open her up for "easier access".
Relight Desire No. 9: Don’t ignore your differences. A third of people in one survey blamed arguments for bad feeling between them. Take responsibility for your part in problems.