Leap year or no leap year, women should never propose to a man, it makes you look desperate
I HAVE four firm words for those female foolhardy souls who are entertaining this Leap Year idea to propose: Do NOT do it.
You might argue that it’s 2024 and women are equal - blah-blah-blah - but when it comes to matters of the heart there are some traditions that are in place for a reason.
If you’re a woman and like me have had a man go down on one knee then you know how utterly enthralling it is.
When he declares his undying love, earnestly explaining to you all the reasons why he wants to be with you until he takes his last dying breath - there is no feeling quite like it.
You’re lovable, you’re desirable and you have (hopefully) found your forever other half.
A 'cringe' idea
There’s four truly magical moments in my life that I can recall in an instant.
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On each occasion my man at the time was proposing to me, not the other way around.
One happened on a moonlit sandy beach and another in the bedroom of my home in France.
The third was in a fancy restaurant and the fourth on a walk through an ancient forest.
Girl - you have got it, and in spades.
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At that moment there is no other person on the planet who your man wants to be with.
That’s why I want to cringe and then some for this bonkers idea of women proposing just because it’s February 29.
'Why bother?'
If a man proposes it means he is 100% committed. In other words he is a keeper.
Why, oh why would you reverse those roles in the name of progress?
And if I can deliver a bit of tough love…isn’t the act just a bit beneath us women?
If we really have to ask, he’s probably not that keen on you in the first place.
If he hasn’t proposed to you then why on earth are you bothering to pin your hopes on him?"
Samantha Brick
We all know that the word ‘commitment-phobe’ conjures up an image of those gorgeous guys who refuse to compromise and are waiting for Mrs Perfect.
If he hasn’t proposed to you then why on earth are you bothering to pin your hopes on him?
I’d go as far as saying that a woman’s proposal is degrading and we’re not playing into our natural roles either.
The male energy is all about serving and protecting us women. That caveman desire allows us to flourish in our caring and nourishing role and be our very best selves.
Why kick back against evolution?
Men get the role whipped from under them
This bananas proposal role reversal idea actually originated in 5th century Ireland.
According to folklore, Saint Bridget and Saint Patrick agreed to allow unmarried women to propose to men once every four years.
Thankfully, even today it’s still a rare phenomenon.
Surveys vary in just how many women actually ‘woman up’ and get down on one knee. But figures range between 5 and 20%.
Interestingly, it seems there’s no recorded numbers on how many women get knocked back during the cringeworthy process.
And what do men think about women whipping their role from under them?
No prizes for guessing they are far from enamoured with the notion.
In one online forum, anonymous blokes confessed they would be shocked, or worse still, they would laugh.
The majority said that a woman proposing to a man would lead to an outright refusal or he’d be very disappointed in his other half for not reading the room.
The online discussion dug deep into what men think about wedding proposals and found that our brooding silent types expect to be the one to pop the question because it’s “tradition” and “it’s a man’s job.”
'Can you hear the sound of desperate bells?'
I recently learned that a friend's niece had proposed to her (now) husband and I was momentarily flummoxed.
I didn't know what to say except (silently) poor her. She was the last (single) daughter standing so I do get it but it really does make you reframe their relationship and wonder whether it will go the distance.
As cruel as it sounds, can you hear the sound of desperate bells ringing? I can.
There are so many ways to engineer a proposal but taking the proverbial bull by the horns and doing it ourselves isn’t one of them.
Now - before you pile on, men do need a helping hand. Drop hints, talk about ‘when we’re married” or to coin that well-used somewhat woolly expression, “manifest it!”
A happy wife equals a happy life
Men like to think they are in control but us women mould and manipulate most situations we want in life, don’t we?
And, if you’re not doing this then you should be.
From the rock on our finger to the house of our dreams men know a happy wife equals a happy life.
Taking away the one job he’s supposed to do can only spell doom.
Don’t believe me?
Look at those female celebs who have proposed… Britney Spears asked her ex husband Kevin Federline to marry her. Little wonder they divorced three years after they wed.
Actress Jodie Turner-Smith also proposed to former Dawson's Creek hottie Joshua Jackson.
Not surprisingly, their marriage crashed and burned too.
As for those four proposals I received, two I said yes to and two I (gently) turned down. But I enjoyed every one.
My husband Pascal proposed to me while we were in bed in spring 2007. We’d known each other for a mere six weeks. I was 36 and he was 46.
I have no doubt Pascal would have thought it was odd - and then some - if I had popped the question first. It would have been an insult to his masculinity."
It might sound like a whirlwind but when you know, you know. And by then I knew a keeper when I saw one. Out of politeness he went on to ask my father for permission first.
I have no doubt Pascal would have thought it was odd - and then some - if I had popped the question first. It would have been an insult to his masculinity and I’m not even sure he would’ve said yes. The jury is still out on that one.
'If he's a keeper he'll get the hint'
Like it or not, if you bite the proposal bullet this year, you are effectively boxing your bloke into a corner.
I was so sure my partner would say yes - I planned the engagement party
Flora Gill, 33, a writer who lives in London, proposed to her partner Adam, also 33, last summer and they plan to marry in May. She argues: Why can't women pop the question?
"When I proposed to my boyfriend last summer, it was perfect. Despite not wanting to get married for the first decade of my relationship with Adam, when I finally changed my mind, I couldn’t wait for a leap year to get down on one knee.
In reality, most people make the decision to get married together as a couple, long before a proposal. Gone are the days when a woman received multiple offers, weighed them up, and decided which lucky Dick or Harry she’d spend her life with.
Instead, now, if you pop the question, you’ve already had a pretty conclusive conversation about it. The actual proposal is a nice, added pageantry. And while the default is for the man to do the asking, there’s nothing to stop the woman from doing it. For us, it made sense—I’ve always loved planning a party and keeping a secret.
Officially asking my wonderful boyfriend to marry me on our favourite canal boat restaurant, moments before our friends joined us for a secret engagement party, just felt right. And no, he didn't feel trapped or emasculated — he was delighted (and maybe a little relieved he didn't have to plan anything himself). How insecure, toxic and fragile does your masculinity have to be, to see a proclamation of love, from the person you plan to spend forever with, as anything but a blessing?"
If the gamble doesn’t pay off, be prepared to say sayonara.
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Gals, if you really do want to put a ring on it and make it down the aisle then turn talk to jewellery, bridal gowns, honeymoon destinations.
If he’s a keeper, he’ll get the hint – trust me.
