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MUM MARES
I’m a nursery teacher – how we spot liars, why we change kids into lost property clothes & the mum we hate most of all
If we don’t like you, we don’t like your kid and this is why...
SOME mothers can be horrible - entitled, rude and acting as if they’re doing us a favour allowing us to look after their child.
If you’re like that I won’t like you…and it will have rubbed off on your child and I won’t like them either because they tend to be as obnoxious as you.
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We once had a child who was so unpleasant, scowling, snatching and screeching that we’d have to take it in turns to look after her.
Her mum was like that too, demanding we let Amy have the first go on a new toy or insisting she should be Mary in the Christmas play…. Amy was never Mary.
Remember your child is a reflection on you.
Nursery is full of cliques
In the same way that cliques form at the school gates they are very much present at the nursery door too.
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I’ve had mums in tears because they feel so excluded from ‘the gang’.
And it’s even worse when one child is left out of excursions or a party.
If you can afford it, always invite everyone from your child’s age group…
Pot noodle mums are infuriating
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We promote healthy eating at nursery and mostly serve fruit for pudding or encourage mums to bring in a lunch box packed with fruit and vegetables.
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But unless a child has allergies it seems a shame to be too regimented.
We used to make healthy flapjacks and brownies, some mums would ask for an ingredients list to check every item their child was eating.
I’m a nursery worker and a mum - the XX things I’d never send my kid without and parents who don’t drive us craz
I felt so sorry for the children who weren’t allowed so much as a grain of sugar – and to warn you, it only makes them keener if they’re completely deprived.
On the other hand I did once have to have a word with a mum who consistently sent her daughter in with a pot noodle, saying I thought she should have a bit more nutrition.
The next day she sent her in with….a pot noodle and whole cucumber.
The conversation continued….yes she was known as ‘Pot Noodle Mum.’
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If they’re still crying ask yourself why
I’ve had more than one mum that I’ve ended up branding the ‘clingy mum’.
One would drop her son off every morning, clutching him saying, “Mummy loves you so much, I’ll miss you” endlessly.
Of course he cried at every drop off because he thought his mum was upset.
Within minutes of her departure he’d have run off with his friends.
The clingy mum however will then continue to check the parent portal every half an hour, sending messages asking whether he’d eaten properly, how many times he’d been to the toilet and how much of his lunch he’d eaten.
It’s exhausting and often there’s ‘Clingy mum” one, two and three!
If you drop off early we judge you
I love children so it really upsets me that some parents don’t seem to care about their own kid.
They’re the ones that are waiting at the door first thing in the morning and virtually shoving their child through the half open door before whizzing off.
Of course if you have to get to work that’s different.
But it’s the ones who then swan off, saying ‘I’m late to meet my friend’ or look at you accusingly as if you should have opened earlier for them.
Some mums never come to parent/teacher meetings, they have zero interest which is sad.
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If I catch your stomach bug it's on you
There are rules in place for a reason – we don’t want to see your child for 48 hours after vomiting because it might spread to all of us.
So if your child pukes in the nursery and tells us he did it last night too it’s infuriating.
And when you then tell us ‘He seemed fine this morning and I didn’t know he couldn’t come back’, it’s doubly infuriating.
We know you know the rules and it was just inconvenient to keep him at home….when I’m vomiting copiously within the next two days, I’m wishing it was on you.
You lie about potty training
It was revealed recently that half of parents think potty training isn't their sole responsibility - some mums can’t be bothered with anything remotely tricky.
Step forward the mums who lie and tell us that they’re in full swing with potty training.
We know when you aren’t – your kid clearly doesn’t have a clue and is constantly having accidents.
I never minded helping but I did find it annoying when you then complained about my methods – if you want it done a certain way then do it yourself.
Some mums can’t be bothered with anything remotely tricky."
Ditto the mums who hate crafting, but love giving people handmade cards from little Jane.
So many would leave with a happy smile and at the last minute mention that it was Great Uncle George’s birthday and could Jane make him a card.
I always want to reply, “Do it yourself”. I make them, but they’re very perfunctory, a quick hand print, a smattering of glitter and her name inside.
We 'fight' over the hot dads
Yes...we do flirt with them.
Some dads were so attractive we’d battle to do the handover with them at the end of the day if their key worker was absent.
In one nursery we were like girls in the school playground battling for the attention of one who was ridiculously good looking - the disappointment was real when his wife pulled up.
Your clever kid isn't the brightest
Your child will get there in the end - there aren’t many 18-year-olds who don’t know how to recite the alphabet or tie their shoelaces.
There’s no point in getting riled up that little Billy can’t write his name.
But some mums sidle up and check whether their child is cleverer than their mate’s child.
Cue a lot of inner eye rolling from me. The seemingly laziest child can often be the brightest…
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We deserve gifts for wiping their bums
I really am one of those teachers who prefers a handmade card with a thoughtful message than a bottle of wine or box of chocolates.
To give nothing, smacks of a complete lack of appreciation when we spend our days wiping your child’s nose and bottom.
We swap their clothes as soon as you leave
Some mums seem oblivious to the fact that kids love making a mess if they’re to have fun – whether it’s jumping in puddles or painting.
They’ll send their toddler in wearing a brand-new white top and breezily tell us to make sure it doesn’t get dirty.
Most nurseries have a box of ancient clothes left behind by other children over the years and as soon you’ve scooted out and our eye rolls have stopped, the new top – which incidentally is something the child absolutely doesn’t treasure – will be whipped off and an ancient one popped on instead.
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If they’re doing something photo-worthy we’ll quickly pop the white top back on to take a photo for you and then take it off again until home time, when the still pristine top goes back on!
But it’s a faff, so please don’t do it.
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