I’m a vicar’s wife – I wasn’t brought up religious and people are shocked when I swear… but we get a huge free house

IF someone serenely baking cakes and delicately arranging flowers all day is what springs to mind when you hear the words 'vicar's wife', you might be in for a shock.

It's a stereotype clergy spouse Kayleigh Ward, 38, is so used to, she no longer bats an eyelid when the people she meets are stunned to discover she swears like a trooper and can't cook to save her life.

Kayleigh, who lives in Rainham, Kent, with vicar husband Nathan, 43, and their two kids, aged 14 and eight, says: "I guess people just think about what you see on TV - someone in that flowery dress who bakes cakes and arranges flowers and stuff.

"To be honest I'm too sweary for all that! There's a very traditional idea, and in real life it's not actually like that so people are shocked."

'I wasn't religious at all'

Kayleigh and her husband have been together 17 years, married for 16, and have lived in the parish and the vicarage that comes with it - which is rent-free - for six years.

The pair initially met through work - and Kayleigh actually had no idea being a 'clergy spouse' was in her future, having never even been religious previously.

Kayleigh says: "Growing up my family never practiced a religion, and was never baptised or anything either - I wasn't religious at all.

"We worked together in a prison for young offenders - he was a chaplain there, I was a custody officer.

"I knew he was Christian obviously but at that time he'd never told me he wanted to be a vicar - which is very different!"

'I worried I'd be judged'

After three years, Nathan told Kayleigh he wanted to become a vicar - an idea Kayleigh admits she had to come round to.

She says: "Initially I just thought 'absolutely not, are you having a b****y laugh!'

"I didn't understand how he was going to do his full time job, a masters and a part-time theology degree to become a vicar all at the same time - but he did it.

"I started to attend church just to see what it was about but I had no idea what being a vicar's wife would involve.

"Initially when I did start going to church I did worry people would judge me for not being Christian, and for not having our son baptised either.

"But actually it was all in my head, everyone was lovely, and I started going to a lot more events."

'People expect me to act a certain way'

Now, Kayleigh is Christian, and chose to be baptised ten years ago.

She says: "For three years I did full-time community work with the church but I've gone back to work recently so I don't do as much now, but still go on a Sunday.

"People actually never realise he's the vicar initially and people always say I'm not what they expected too.

"He doesn't walk around in his dog collar all the time, but the local community all know him now.

"Sometimes I forget people expect me to act a certain way, so when I accidentally swear they can be surprised.

"People always think we'd be older, and more serious.

"My best friend still finds it hilarious that this is now my life, so every year she buys us a humorous and maybe slightly inappropriate mug so we have to always check before making members of the congregation cups of tea!"

'We do get a free house'

While there are some common misconceptions, a vicar's family does typically live in a vicarage, which is provided as well as their 'salary', or a stipend, as it's known.

Kayleigh explains: "We do get a free house, which is huge, but it's such a unique situation in that vicars get a stipend, which is essentially an allowance so they don't have to do a paid job.

"We also host a lot of meetings and garden parties for the community, or staff parties and coffee mornings too - it's essentially Nathan's workplace."

Hosting is a huge part of the role within the community - although Kayleigh admits she doesn't contribute to the catering.

She says: "We have annual barbecues and Christmas parties, but all I have to do is just open up my house - I can't cook at all but tonnes of people just come in and spend all day cooking, and then another group clear it up as they're wonderful people - that's why I don't mind doing it!

"We get to be part of so many amazing moments, from weddings, christenings, and you really see the best in people, but then sometimes it breaks my heart too when you see people struggling with issues like homelessness or there's a death.

"You know everyone, and that's what happens when you care about people.

"The kids are brought up in a Christian household but we actively chose not to baptise them as babies, so they can choose later on.

"I had the privilege of choosing it for myself, and I want that for the kids too.

"Some people might not agree with that, but it works for us."