WASHING the dishes is usually one of the most soul-destroying jobs around the house.
But there’s a very good reason why I’m smiling ear to ear as I scrub my plates clean today.
It’s because I’m taking a leaf out of Kim Kardashian’s book and standing in my kitchen, wearing nothing but the soapy suds from my sink.
During a recent episode of The Kardashians, Kim confessed she finds doing the cleaning the ultimate turn-on.
She said: “People don’t see that I cleaned out the playroom today, that makes me horny to literally clean out my f**king playroom.
“Like, any mum will get that. If you have a clean playroom, you can sleep at night!”
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And if it’s good enough for Kim, it’s good enough for me - except I thought to take it one better and do it in my birthday suit.
Nude cleaning makes one of the most boring chores immediately the most fun."
Laura Smith
Naked cleaning has been around for a while, with Laura Smith launching Naturist Cleaning in 2017, in response to what she says was "a growing new interest in nude cleaning in British society".
“Having a nude cleaner makes one of the most boring chores immediately become one of the most fun,” she writes on the website.
What’s more, you look better naked, research shows, as when your body temperature drops, a growth hormone is released which helps regenerate you, making you look fresher.
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Plus, being naked is scientifically proven to improve your physical and mental health, and I wanted to see just how accurate this all was, doing the cleaning wearing just my Fitbit.
I’ve always been healthy and my resting heart rate is 65 beats per minute (a normal rate should be between 60 to 100bpm).
Generally, a lower heart rate at rest means better heart health and fitness.
However, getting your heart to beat faster while you are exercising is important as it moves oxygen and blood to your muscles more efficiently, which burns more calories and helps lower cholesterol.
I work out six times a week and enjoy a balanced diet. So I was interested to see how my health might improve when I did such a mundane job without clothing. Could it really make a difference?
I was about to find out…
I’m used to wandering around the house in my underwear, but I don’t usually have my entire Mary out!"
Hayley Minn
Waiting until my partner had left for work, and I’m home alone, I shut the blinds so the builders working directly below my window can’t have a sneaky peek.
I gleefully strip off, ready to take on the jobs I hate the most and, from the moment I take off my knickers, I feel liberated, letting it all hang out.
I look at my Fitbit and my heart rate has shot up to 80bpm, probably due to the huge amount of trepidation I’m feeling.
I’m used to wandering around the house in my underwear, but I don’t usually have my entire Mary out!
Bathroom bleach in my bits
Regardless, I grab my marigolds and box of cleaning supplies to head straight for the bathroom, getting the worst room out of the way first.
As I kneel over the bog, boobs dangling into the bowl, I feel very aware of the fact I’m naked.
I’m freezing, sitting on the cold tiles, and feeling very grossed out.
Would I need another shower after my bare skin had been touching the poo particles? Probably.
It doesn’t help that getting bleach in my bits as I pour it down the toilet is a scarier thought than getting Toxic Shock Syndrome from leaving a tampon in for an hour too long.
As I look down at my Fitbit, my heart rate doesn’t seem to have dropped, but I’m hopeful this is just beginner’s nerves, and a bit of potential hypothermia, as I’m shivering.
Cold temperatures can cause your heart rate to increase because your heart needs to work harder to keep you warm, so I go to whack the heating up full blast.
Now it’ll just be the bills I have to worry about!
Spray back feels nice on my skin
As I move to the lounge and dining room, grabbing my duster to wipe down the furniture, I begin to feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin, and it definitely helps that my flat is feeling a lot toastier.
As I spray the polish on to the sideboard, I even get some sprayback, which feels weirdly nice on my skin.
I’m clearly very refreshed as my heart rate has dropped down to 60bpm.
But I get the shock of my life when the buzzer goes, and a delivery driver is at my door.
I look at my Fitbit and my heart rate has shot up to 110bpm.
Luckily, I can see him on the phone monitor, but he can just hear my shaky, awkward voice, and I get him to leave my parcel in the post room - there’s no chance I’m leaving this flat and giving the neighbours an eyeful!
Saving the best 'til last
As the room where it feels most natural to be au naturel, I save the bedroom until last.
Ultimate movie sex symbol Marilyn Monroe famously slept nude, wearing nothing but “a few drops of Chanel No 5”.
And, according to the National Sleep Foundation, a drop in body temperature can help you to fall asleep more easily, so it seemed obvious I was going to feel very relaxed while changing the sheets.
As I fluff up the pillows, and put the blanket on top of the freshly made bed, I feel extremely satisfied with my spanking clean flat, and check my Fitbit to confirm I have a very chilled-out heart rate of 55bpm.
There’s no denying I feel much less stressed cleaning in the nuddy than I do with my clothes on,
and I definitely feel sexier, too!
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And, with my partner returning home soon, it’s the perfect time to light a candle to get us in the mood.
Well, I AM naked already!