I’m the star of Netflix’s Jewish Matchmaking – the biggest mistake people make & a dating app change to make every month
ALEEZA Ben Shalom, star of Netflix's Jewish Matchmaking, wants to help those in the dating pool learn to tread water a bit better.
She revealed the top mistakes singletons make and an important change men and women should consider every 30 days.
If you've watched the show, you might be familiar with her favorite catchphrase — date 'em till you hate 'em.
Her words of wisdom offer some insight into one of the most common mistakes she observes in the dating world — being too quick to sack somebody.
"I think in today's modern-day people are very fast to dismiss a date," Aleeza told The U.S. Sun.
"I notice so many people who are making up their minds about someone in less than three minutes.
"I ask clients why they are ending things if there is no clear potential dealbreaker and they commonly respond with, 'I didn't feel it.'
"You don't have enough data yet to know if something will work after just one date, or within a couple of hours.
"Maybe after 15 hours you can make a qualified decision. I like for people to slow the dating process down a little bit.
"Everything else is so sped up, so why not give ourselves the chance to get to know a human being and connect on different levels?
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"If it's still a no then it's a no OK, but why walk away without a clear reason?"
When it comes to dating digitally, she says that everyone has to learn how to be their own matchmaker.
And if you're not meeting the date of your dreams, she explained that you need to put your best face forward — literally.
"You need to change your main profile image every 30 days," she said.
"Make sure to mix up all your other photos as well so that when somebody swipes you look fresh and new and different to them.
"Do you know how many thousands of pictures people have seen?
There's a myth that it's just going to happen when it's the right time.
Aleeza Ben Shalom
"If your image is just 'eh,' that's not going to cut it.
"You can't take it personally if you didn't match with someone initially. Someone saw you for a split second maybe.
"You need to change things or add some info about yourself and keep things moving."
She says that when you add new data, the algorithm will help to promote your online presence.
Aleeza acknowledges that navigating your own dating path can make you feel lost, but there are ways to map out your best relationship route.
"Our greatest challenge is we have so many options, and when everything is available to us, it's almost as good as nothing being available to us," she said.
"Dating apps can be amazing in terms of having a database or you can end up with dating fatigue."
Her best advice is to sift through the vast pool of potential mates in a systematized manner while continuously changing up your parameters such as age ranges and locations.
Once you become a master at maneuvering the system, you will be able to see your most relevant matches.
"Out of maybe 500 people, only 20 — if that — will be compatible if you aren't being specific about what you are looking for."
And if you think your perfect match will magically appear as you Netflix and chill — by yourself — you might be missing out on Mr. or Ms. Right.
"There's a myth that it's just going to happen when it's the right time," she said.
"The right time comes because you become the right person and because you make the effort and show up in life.
"You have to desire it and you have to often work hard to make it happen.
"This might have been the case years ago when if you weren't married by 23 you were considered an old maid by some standards.
"Now, people's perceptions have changed.
I do prefer when there is an ebb of a flow, a little bit like ping pong back and forth between a couple.
Aleeza Ben Shalom
"They are busy getting degrees and most people don't think it's normal to get married so early anymore.
"A lot of single people wind up in their mid-40s or 50s so surprised or shocked it didn't just happen."
Finding Prince Charming might also involve saddling up your own white horse and riding out into the world by becoming involved in a group or cause, even if it's something unrelated to a dating event.
"Doing things that you enjoy will make you happy even if you don't wind up meeting anybody," she said.
The also wants you to stop obsessing over the rules while still being aware of how to best stir the attraction soup.
"I don't like when you have to wait a certain number of days before you respond to a text," she said.
"I do prefer when there is an ebb of a flow, a little bit like ping pong back and forth between a couple.
"It's not a game but it creates a desire and an interest and some playfulness.
"I like when there is some distance between texting sometimes but it depends on the couple."
Being clear about your feelings or intentions is also ultimate couple goals.
Don't just say have a good night, let them know you want to do this again.
Aleeza Ben Shalom
"We live in a fast-paced world and if you are interested you should show it or give an indication that it's safe for the person to ask you out again.
"If not your date might be intimated to try because they don't want to get a 'no.'
"Don't just say have a good night, let them know you want to do this again."
As she knows all too well, not all is fair in love and the digital dating war.
"On one level it opened everything up to us and on another level it has made things very robotic.
"It's like an all-you-can-eat buffet with the constant swiping and people aren't going to feel good after stuffing themselves.
"It becomes an analysis paralysis when you don't know how to choose."
When looking toward your future, your best bet might actually be to look back.
"Go into your past and revisit who you have dated or think about if you have a friend who might have a brother," she said.
"Search your own world before you dig into the apps."
Aleeza, who first got bit by the love matching bug when she was still in high school and setting up friends and relatives, believes that opposites might attract, but similarities are the glue that keeps couples together.
"I think they have an easier time. They enjoy each other's company more and they have less friction overall in a relationship," she said.
Political stances can also muddy the matchmaking waters — but having a mutual understanding can keep your feelings afloat.
"As long as you have a tolerance for other people's positions things can be OK," she said.
According to Aleeza, being comfortable with your financial compatibility is also a crucial factor for finding a mate.
Money matters are, after all, one of the top causes of divorce.
"It's all about having an understanding about what level you are both at," she said.
"If someone is uber-wealthy and you don't feel comfortable in those circles it's going to be a problem.
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"In some cases, people might find it hard to be with someone who isn't able to pay their bills while others might be willing to figure things out together regardless of their earning ability.
"It all comes down to having an awareness of where somebody falls on the spectrum."
